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by Christina S
4 days and 15 hours ago

Topic: My younger brother has gone to jail, and I'm struggling to hold it together

  1. Petal22
    Community Champion
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    Petal22 avatar
    1359 posts
    24 July 2021 in reply to Nameless1

    Good morning Nameless 1,

    Thankyou ……. All is well now 😊

    Yes, hopefully your son doesn’t dwell on the past and let’s it go and learns to move forward with his life……. Sometimes I think people need to learn to forgive…… forgive others and also forgive themselves…….. it’s so freeing and allows people to move forward with their life……… there is no need to live in the past anymore…. Because it has already been and we don’t live there anymore…we just need to let it go and embrace the future…… the future can be anything we decide it to be…… happiness is decided ahead of time I think….

    There comes a day when you realise turning the page is the best feeling in the world, because you realise there’s so much more to the book than the page you were stuck on….. ( maybe a quote for your son one day)

    Have a lovely day Nameless 1 ❤️

    1 person found this helpful
  2. Nameless1
    Nameless1 avatar
    124 posts
    26 July 2021 in reply to Nameless1

    Hi Evie15

    Just checking you and your mum are going okay as you wait for the court case and sentencing. I hope you and your mum can keep busy and distracted.

    Soon it will be over but the days and nights before hand drag. I was really tired after. Then there was all the information I wanted to read afterwards to do with sentencing and I found the website of the sentencing council and stuff from corrections. Then I needed a break to get my head around everything .

    How are you feeling about things? I’m not sure how long your brother has been in remand but the wait is hard for them… not knowing. It did help as someone suggested to have something planned the next day to get you out of the house … harder in lockdown… but it really helped.
    Thinking of you all !!

    Take care

    Nameless1

  3. Nameless1
    Nameless1 avatar
    124 posts
    26 July 2021 in reply to Guest_7403

    Hi Borderline and Evie 15

    Regarding sentencing, it seems judges can make the sentence more or less depending on the reports they get about the individuals situation before arrest and reports about them they get from how they are in remand. The magistrates seem to be able also make the sentence longer as part of general deterrence to prevent more offending . The magistrate decides if a CCO or parole etc and the length of the parole. So I realise now there isn’t any set time they can get ,
    We have heard from our son, and though he was disappointed he didn’t get the CCO and released, he said others where he is thought his sentence was quite reasonable.

    Our son was sounding pretty good. He said the sentenced area was more relaxed and everyone busier with more to do and focussed on being prepared for whenever they are released…as you said Borderline .. without the tensions and politics and incidents that can happen in remand etc .

    He rang to ask some questions for information for some forms and to let us know how he was going. He was happy for me to ask some questions and offered information too. It was so wonderful to talk to him and he has really made an effort from what he told us about things and what is happening . We told him we were proud of him for his efforts and his plans for his future We he will ring more!!! We just hope he can keep it up and be strong enough to deal with any of the challenges others find.

    Nameless1

  4. Nameless1
    Nameless1 avatar
    124 posts
    27 July 2021 in reply to Petal22

    Hi Petal 22

    I love those thoughts on forgiveness and your quote about there being more to the book than the page you are stuck on!!
    It is easy to let our mind get stuck on recycling old thoughts and we have to replace them with other thoughts.
    Thanks again for your positivity for hope.
    Nameless1

    1 person found this helpful
  5. Petal22
    Community Champion
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    Petal22 avatar
    1359 posts
    27 July 2021 in reply to Nameless1

    Hi Nameless 1,

    That’s ok I’m always happy to share my positivity with you……😊

    I understand our minds can get stuck on old thought patterns that just keep recycling……… we can all train our minds to see the positives ……… meditation is great for our minds it’s brings us into awareness….. so we can actually observe our thoughts and not get so caught up in them…… when we notice our minds are stuck in auto mode recycling we can adjust it too see a positive side…… we can feed our minds with positivity…. We have that power, it can just take practice……. Renewing of the mind is such a beautiful thing….. ❤️

    I hope your son is doing ok and your selves…

    1 person found this helpful
  6. Nameless1
    Nameless1 avatar
    124 posts
    30 July 2021 in reply to Guest_7403

    Hi Borderline

    Just another question about calling in your court fines if you are able to help. We have looked it up in fines Victoria and on another law site but are a bit confused.

    Out son enquired about it at the prison and they told him he couldn’t have them called in because it wasn’t at the warrant stage. It was issued the day after court and sent to our home as I said. The lawyer said to email a copy to him as he was speaking to him via video. He said our son would get information at the prison to call in the fine. Our son then enquired at the prison and was told he couldn’t call them in till they were at the warrant stage and he wanted to know from us how long that would that be? I was presuming he would get all that information at the prison but he seemed confused about what to do.
    is that the Enforcement warrant ?
    On looking up information, if it gets to the enforcement warrant it looks to us like that means other fines would have been added to it … the penalty reminder of $26 , final demand done of &135 and then the enforcement warrant where they can come to his home ( where we live) and ask for property and remove registration.
    plates and clamp the car etc. Isn’t he able to just call in the fine somehow before all that? It’s due the middle of August.
    If you can’t help that is fine, we probably need to make a few calls.
    . but can’t now till Monday.

    thanks again

    Nameless1

  7. Nameless1
    Nameless1 avatar
    124 posts
    31 July 2021 in reply to Petal22

    Hi Petal22

    We are doing okay.

    We thought everything was finished with for a while once court was over . But now Just sorting out what happens to some fines (as I said to Borderline) …, the court fine for not paying rego on his car when he was arrested, but also payment for something he damaged. That can’t be paid by time served I don’t think. Not for us to pay, but we don’t want it not to be paid on time and get other penalties added on but. Not sure how it is to be done if he is in jail . Oh …the consequences of everything !!!

    Last night my husband and I both had restless, busy dreams and sleep and woke feeling quite overwhelmed by the last year since his arrest and going into remand and the legal ups and downs and waiting and uncertainty. Things that should have been done are half finished then other things like storm damage create more work…Just as we were gaining our positivity that things were resolving and that we were getting in top of everything we have more to deal with. Also with lockdown restrictions now I can’t do some of the work I was doing and so have to deal with that.
    Its not just the person who”does time for the crime” . It’s the impact on the family. Knowing what I know now , I wish I could go back and do and say so many different things to my son about the realities of life and your actions and decisions. Tougher love perhaps .

    So not feeling great today and all the usual strategies just don’t seem to work. We even had a great session with the counsellor yesterday. Normally I get past it so today we will have to find another strategy and tell myself there are worse things that could happen and do happen to other people, make a plan and get on with the day. I heard a story about the 3 boulders …that you chose 3 things…one small task to complete, and see what it leads to, one phone call to a friend and one action of something nice for another person. Often this leads on to motivation to do other things . If it is a bad day choose 3 pebbles … smaller tasks. That’s what today needs.
    Nameless1

  8. Petal22
    Community Champion
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    Petal22 avatar
    1359 posts
    31 July 2021 in reply to Nameless1

    Goodmorning Nameless1,

    In regards to the rego……. If you still have his car take the plates off and hand them in to the licensing centre you can re register when your sons released…… also in regards to the fines you can send them back to sender with a note saying currently incarcerated….. or if you want to pay them you can have them given to your son in some way and he can sign them and send back to you………

    Please don’t stress about the fines because it’s not your responsibility….. your sons in incarceration so it’s their department that’s responsible…( government)….

    I understand all the stresses that go with this but just trust everything will work out….

    Yes hindsight, but sometimes I think even if you had have been different towards your son….. would it have helped? Some times I think they arnt really in the right state of mind to even comprehend some things we try to tell them…….. I’m sure you and your husband are amazing parents but our children make their own choices and hopefully learn from them ………

    I like your Boulder strategies…. things will get better…. Just take it day by day and enjoy your time with your husband……

    Your heart will heal, your tears will dry, your season will change ….,

    Stress makes you think that everything has to be fixed right now.

    Just breathe

    Things have a way of working themselves out.

    One day, one step, one moment at a time.

    Practice gratefulness……. It will shift your mind set….

    ❤️

  9. Guest_7403
    Guest_7403 avatar
    387 posts
    1 August 2021 in reply to Nameless1

    Once he's sentenced he can complete the form to have them called in.

    Just tell him to ask for the warrant form, fill it out and drop it in the forms box..

    Hopefully the officer knows what to do with it.

  10. Guest_7403
    Guest_7403 avatar
    387 posts
    1 August 2021 in reply to Nameless1

    This is an exerpt from the prisonerlaw website

    You can call in outstanding warrants and fines when you are in prison. If you plan on doing this, the sooner you do it the better it will be. Ask the prison staff for a form titled “Information – Sheriffs Warrants” on which you write your name and CRN to request your infringement warrants be called in. Once you fill out this form the prison will send it to the Sheriff’s Office to be dealt with. It will take some time for the Sheriff’s Office to get back to you - this is why you should put in the form as soon as possible.

    I don't know why the officer told him he can't.

    1 person found this helpful
  11. Nameless1
    Nameless1 avatar
    124 posts
    2 August 2021 in reply to Guest_7403

    Hi Borderline

    Thanks for the information. I found the website and the information you referred to very interesting .

    Is the problem that the fine is not outstanding enough yet and has to wait till he gets the reminder and final demand so that it goes to the Sheriff?
    It will be another 5 or 6 weeks according to the letter before he gets an enforcement warrant, so does he have to wait till then? Perhaps that is what the officer meant? Parole at earliest could be end of October so wanted it all done by then.

    Reading the last part about calling in fines, it says they will check he has no assets they can take to pay the fines.
    He has a car and other assets, which he doesn’t want to lose, as there is one he has spent a long time restoring and one he is driving which he will need when he gets home. All pretty old. He doesn’t need the stress of outstanding debts or losing cars as they will be the thing that will give him an interest and something to do when he comes home. He has no access at the moment to bank accounts till an issue is resolved, so serving time seemed the best option.

  12. Guest_7403
    Guest_7403 avatar
    387 posts
    2 August 2021 in reply to Nameless1

    Transfer the cars to your name temporarily.

    Its possible...I'm not 100% sure on the details of how the warrants work.....I just know prisoners fill in the form and serve time to clear them.

    Maybe call the Sheriff’s department to find out from the horses mouth

    1 person found this helpful
  13. Nameless1
    Nameless1 avatar
    124 posts
    6 August 2021 in reply to Evie15

    Hi Evie 15

    Just wondering how it is all going for you all. I hope you update us
    Nameless1

  14. Evie15
    Evie15 avatar
    5 posts
    7 August 2021

    Hi all,

    I'm having one of my bad days today after having a Zoom call with my brother and also after hearing about the news of the covid cases that have popped up in Victoria...feeling very anxious and stressed about it all. I thought I was getting back on track with life stuff, and my family and I were getting so close to being able to see my brother in person. I'm missing him so much...I don't think I'll be able to stay strong and be without him for another three years.

    I don't have good news for you all as it seems like my brother will be doing the mandatory three years of imprisonment...the judge did not accept any of his mental health issues or referrals from my brother's psychologist, youth justice workers or family or the fact that he was under the influence of drugs. He is yet to be sentenced because it has been set back, yet again for another three weeks. This is all so frustrating and tiring.

    Nameless1 I liked learning about the builder strategy you use. Especially after an awful day in bed, doing nothing and moping around the house. I hope the fine situation all works out okay for you.

    Petal22- Thank you for being so supportive and positive. I decided to check on the forum after having one of those bad days so it was nice to be reminded to breathe and practice gratitude. I forget about those things on days like these.

    2 people found this helpful
  15. Petal22
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
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    Petal22 avatar
    1359 posts
    7 August 2021 in reply to Evie15

    Hi Evie15,

    Sorry to hear you are having a bad day today…….. I hope tomorrow will be a better day for you…..

    Sorry things didn’t go to well for your brother……….. I understand it’s so hard ….. I hope you get to see him in person soon once COVID lifts….

    Your bad days are actually a phase in your life that forces you to rediscover you hidden strength 💪 hang in there better days are coming your way…… you will get to see your brother again in person….. never loose Hope …. Stay strong….

    im glad you can find some comfort in my words…… yes remember to breathe and practice gratitude…..

    practicing gratitude doesn’t mean burying unwanted feelings or looking for the silver lining in a bad situation.

    Practicing gratitude means acknowledging what is still good along with the mess

    Always here to chat to you 😊❤️

    1 person found this helpful
  16. Nameless1
    Nameless1 avatar
    124 posts
    8 August 2021 in reply to Guest_7403

    Hi Evie 15

    I understand about the bad days. All this takes a toll or just on him but on the family . You are his sister and it sounds like you are close to him. I am a mum . We love them. Our son had distanced himself a few years ago from his brother and sister . They love him and he pushed them away and wouldn’t answer calls. We were told not to tell them. To say he is not living at home and wants his space is not a surprise . One day they will probably find out and I don’t know how they will react to him or us for not telling them and I am not not sure how that will go. It’s not our story to tell at the moment. They will feel the pain you are feeling now .only difference is your brother wants and needs your support now and I admire your strength and how you are supporting him. Our son doesn’t seem to reach out . We just keep writing and offer to visit and suggest he calls and he does when he is ready.
    Sometimes you need the bad day to let out the bottled up feelings . It’s ok. They happen. I know that feeling. Get up the next day with a plan to be somewhere or doing something with someone. Little steps. Sometimes you need to remember getting out of bed might make you feel better. It helps my husband and I have our bad days not at the same time so we get the other going for the day. Sometimes the feeling stays all day regardless but as we get a few things done it helps us re focus .
    isnyiur brother being moved or staying in the same place after he is sentenced or doesn’t he know yet? Is he hoping for a CCO or parole ?

    yiu are being a great sister!!!

    Thanks for letting us know and keep writing so we can support each other .

    Nameless1

  17. Nameless1
    Nameless1 avatar
    124 posts
    8 August 2021 in reply to Petal22

    Hi Petal22

    Thank you form the reminder … I tried breathing and gratitude today too when things seemed hard. Helped a lot thank you !!
    Nameless1

    1 person found this helpful
  18. Petal22
    Community Champion
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    Petal22 avatar
    1359 posts
    8 August 2021 in reply to Nameless1

    Hi Nameless 1,

    Thats ok 😊 I’m glad it helped you….

    Always end the day with a positive thought .

    No matter how hard today was, tomorrow is full of possibilities ❤️

    1 person found this helpful
  19. Nameless1
    Nameless1 avatar
    124 posts
    16 October 2021 in reply to Guest_7403

    Hi everyone, borderline,
    A few months have passed and our son is getting closer to coming out on parole hopefully. Applications and interviews done for parole and Adult Parole Board have the committee doing a PSA. We shave a video meeting to discuss accomodation on Tuesday. Hopefully that goes okay as he was arrested at home and things found in his room. I’m not sure how long the report gathering that also needs to be done will take. It just says in info as long as it takes to collect everything they need to make a decision. The court said he showed he was suitable for rehabilitation
    Feeling excited but a bit nervous. I know transition will be hard. He likes his work and study and gym where he is even if it is in prison. He is often in the art room doing things. The people around him a least understand him and sound similar He is free of Cannabis with no temptation hopefully around him. He has structure and routine. Im sure life in prison isn’t easy but we can see he has made an effort to make the best of it . He struggled with routine and routine and I hope he can maintain that within the setting of boundaries we will both discuss and set alongside encouragement and support.
    Friendships were important but not sure the state of those friendships now except one he stayed in contact with. None of his friends were told by us where he was and only one has asked so not sure what they know .
    more following

    He is making changes, being cooperative and trying to prepare himself. He has organised Dental and optometrist appointments and is following up his fines to be called him. We did find someone to advise us by ringing Fines Vic as you suggested but our son contacted the ATC . It comes up to warrant stage shortly and will be dealt with as long as he hasn’t got parole before that.
    We are stronger now, he has learnt alot and are determined to not fall in the trap of enabling him but make sure he sticks to the jobs he has been doing, and contribute to the household a s stay positive
    Thanks again for your previous help
    Nameless 1




  20. geoff
    Life Member
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    geoff avatar
    15314 posts
    17 October 2021 in reply to Nameless1

    Hello Nameless, I have been reading and am pleased your son is about to be released and hope that you and your husband can start to begin the trust once again with your son because that's his only option as he will need to see the parole officer who only wants to help him further.

    You have my support.

    Geoff.

    2 people found this helpful
  21. Guest_7403
    Guest_7403 avatar
    387 posts
    17 October 2021 in reply to Nameless1

    Glad to hear he's in a better headspace and forward planning for the future.

    Nothing is a rush in corrections, so yes things do take time.

    The jails, particularly remand are under immense pressure for beds due to covid housing issues allowing only one in a cell for 14 days on reception, which means they're pushing remandee's out to sentenced jails to house them...which in turn pressures those jails....so paroles are definitely one way corrections is reducing the pressures....so it may very well work in his favour.

    Think it's pretty normal for you to feel anxious, try not to let it ruin what could be a lovely fresh start for you and your son.

    For your son and your own knowledge, instituionalism is very much real, expect him to with draw to his bedroom (cell is safe space), expect him to notice if you're looking at/studying him....they sense that from the officers.

    He will be on edge, there is a heightened level of stress/preparedness for danger and problems in prisons, this wont go away just because he walks out the door....it will take time to adjust to the fact that not everyone is a threat.

    Simple things like meals might trigger him, if dinner is late etc....prisons run like clock work....they get used to lunch and dinner being there at X time on the dot. Things are done in set ways, and when those ways are changed suddenly its very unsettling for them.

    Doors shutting loudly can trigger them.....a cell door shutting is very loud and reverberating etc.

    Things like that may seem insignificant to people who haven't experienced jail life, but are quite confronting to them.

    Hope all goes well. Take care (borderline)

    1 person found this helpful
  22. Petal22
    Community Champion
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    Petal22 avatar
    1359 posts
    17 October 2021 in reply to Nameless1

    Hi Nameless1,

    Lovely to hear from you.

    Thats wonderful that your son will hopefully be released soon.

    I think Its normal to feel a bit anxious …

    When your son is released he may also be anxious due to everything around him being different again.

    Yes, try to move forward with him and be positive try not to go back to bringing up past mistakes….. he’s done his time.

    A good routine will help 😊

    I wish you all the best

    1 person found this helpful
  23. Nameless1
    Nameless1 avatar
    124 posts
    17 October 2021 in reply to Guest_7403

    Hi borderline

    That is really really helpful to know all that.

    My son did comment that being in the area he is now with a much smaller group of people has made a difference … less noise do sleeps better , different accomodation and doing more normal jobs, having more responsibility and planning is required like their own cooking and the freedom of a bigger area they are locked into but can move around in. He likes the guys he is and they get on well. I think that is why he sounded more relaxed and was freer to talk.
    I have read up as much as I can about parole but unsure of how much contact and guidances we get as parents with the parole officer or whether it is just solely with the parolee. I guess the conditions that the board add will determine many things .

    So what routines he had in prison do I still follow or help with.? Eg getting himto appointments etc. Do I leave him to do all his own meals/ cleanup or ease into it . At the moment a group of them plan and prepare all their own meals s together which they enjoy but at home it will just be my husband and I . Or do we do meals together .. I guess there is a lot to talk about with him . I don’t want to take away his independence but we haven’t been in his life for more than a year now so all have to adjust .

    Thanks again got your help!!
    nameless 1

  24. Nameless1
    Nameless1 avatar
    124 posts
    17 October 2021 in reply to Petal22

    Thanks petal 22

    I will remember that!!

    nameless 1

    1 person found this helpful
  25. Guest_7403
    Guest_7403 avatar
    387 posts
    18 October 2021 in reply to Nameless1

    I would just encourage him to follow the good routines that come with prison life, early bed time, regular walk (cutting laps he would call it), training.

    If he wants to prepare you guys a meal, encourage that and let him take ownership of those things.

    I think he will do fine, seems to have a good support base.

    I did note a prisoner came in the other day for parole cancelled, was out for 20 days before it was revoked. He now serves the full remaining 18 months of his sentence....so just a heads up if granted parole, don't let him take it for granted and breach it....they will revoke it.

    Take care friend.

    2 people found this helpful
  26. Nameless1
    Nameless1 avatar
    124 posts
    18 October 2021 in reply to Guest_7403

    Hi Borderline

    So what did the person do that had their parole revoked may I ask? That would have been very upsetting for the family .
    How much do you say if they aren’t following the good routines. Or do we sit and discuss it when he first gets home. Or is that too intense. I k is there are booklets you can work through as a family and a counsellor but not sure if they work or it or just keep it low key small step at a time. It’s easy to sound like I’m nagging too and I don’t be to be doing that. Encouraging can sometimes be seen as judgement

    Also with more possessions and clothes to be tidy or kept washed that will be different too I guess. We hope it’s just not too overwhelming as others said can be the case . We had to clean out his room completely after the search so that is nice and tidy but we B presumed he should clean and wash as he was doing g that till things went down hill.
    His work area in the garage was a mess and we haven’t touched his tools etc as he didn’t like us doing that . We cleaned up what he left around and cleaned out his car as it had to be. We didn’t know whether he would prefer tidying up his part of the garage and sorting stuff or whether we should have.
    He also has never asked about anything to do with his car he drives and another he was rebuilding.
    We didn’t know whether it was too hard to bring up so we never mentioned his things either .

    He will have a lot of catching up to do with what has been happening at home and family as he avoided hearing about that too. I guess we wait till he asks?
    I hope the parole officer suggests things to help him
    too!

    Any tips for him going eg shopping and how he might react getting back into activities etc.. I have read some things on VACRO website snd he is going a programme, but they never mentioned what you did in your post.

    Sorry for all the questions but your answers are good and helpful.

    I hope things are well with you

    nameless1

  27. Guest_7403
    Guest_7403 avatar
    387 posts
    19 October 2021 in reply to Nameless1

    It was slim on notes, but something to do with failure to meet case officer/provide urinalysis......so in a nutshell straight back on the drugs and didn't meet case manager.

    Prison teaches young blokes to clean their own clothes, clean up after themselves and make their beds etc....its a hierarchy thing....the unit enforces or "heavies" like it clean and tidy.....they "encourage" them to live clean and tidy.....so you might find he does those things without prompt at home.

    I would assume he thinks alot about his cars, and family in there....but probably too hard to bring it up...or embarrassed about what they think.....hopefully he has positive plans to move forward with those projects and rebuild those connections with family.

    There was also a guy patrolled in 2004 who was returned to prison last week for breaching it....I don't know why....but it shows that parole can go a long time and still be enforced.

    I suffer terrible PTSD from the job, lots of violence and trauma....it cost me my family and home and every day is a struggle for me.

    But I entered the job because I wanted to help my community and others, I still feel if I can make some difference in theirs or others lives associated with them that perhaps it will all be worth it in the end. Time will tell....stay strong and keep reaching out if you need.

    1 person found this helpful
  28. Guest_7403
    Guest_7403 avatar
    387 posts
    19 October 2021 in reply to Nameless1

    Sorry missed the shops and activities part.

    Shops may be a challenge, lots of people around, lots of noise....he will be anxious about people being close to him, people walking behind him....I think that's natural....I am the same....as we are taught to walk in the opposite direction in the yards so they are not behind us etc.

    They are encouraged to do activities together in the jail, sports, games, work....all group activities....hopefully that translates to him continuing that on the outside

    1 person found this helpful
  29. Nameless1
    Nameless1 avatar
    124 posts
    19 October 2021 in reply to Guest_7403

    Hi Borderline,

    Thanks for answering my questions .
    We spoke to a parole officer today and she interviewed us regarding the parole and accomodation …all via zoom . She is just filling in till the local person is available as the system is overloaded.

    It might be a never 2 months but we are hoping he seems in a better head space he might start asking about things like his cars etc but usually leave it up to him to bring it up . Should we start asking a few questions ? we didn’t want scare him off ringing now he is ringing more.
    Regarding shopping .. So should I suggest I shop with him to start with him or just encourage him to go at a time when he can take his time and less busy like evenings ?

    yes I noticed that about working in a group .. he says he likes cooking together with the others and they put in money together to buy stuff. He likes working with another guy and enjoys teaching other prisoner skills. He actually is happy with the work and will miss it . He was glad he wasn’t moved so he could keep his job. He was doing a course too but Covid stopped that for a while as I believe the teachers couldn’t come in?

    He misses the internet but good he has had a break I reckon. A new appreciation of things he took for granted .
    I noticed his comments about tidying and not having much stuff around was good.
    Once he was moved to the sentenced area he noticed the difference in how people cleaned up the communal areas better and more respect for these areas than in remand where, as he became clearer, he started to be the one to clean up . He used to be good at that at home before his decline when he stopped caring .
    I’m sorry you have PTSD. It sounds like you are good at your job and have helped many prisoners and families From what I have read in your past posts you
    have met many types of prisoners and I’m sure your attitude has made a difference. That’s reassuring.

    How do you deal with your own PTSD? My son has that but never dealt with it properly or learnt to live with it and the bitterness and pain dragged him down. As you said in a post once, you have PTSD but you never let it lead you to crime. We took him for psychological treatment but he didn’t respond well to start with as he felt betrayed . He was just beginning to improve and see the need to make changes and start the changes when he was arrested.

    Thanks for your time in responding. As more is starting to happen I guess I need to know a few more things

    nameless1.

  30. Guest_7403
    Guest_7403 avatar
    387 posts
    21 October 2021 in reply to Nameless1

    We always encourage communication for them, and to speak about future plans...keeps the mind forward thinking and helps them not to ruminate.

    Perhaps you could ask him if he wants some photos sent in of his cars, family etc. Some families will send magazines in for them (maybe car modification ones etc)....gets the mind thinking etc

    Not having a CCO isn't necessarily a bad thing, most prisoners do not want them as it sets them up for failure if they breach it. Most would rather do the extra time so that they can be released with nothing hanging over their heads....straight release it's called.

    Jail effects everyone different, large crowds and shops might not bother him...I'm sure you'll be able to read his body language or tell if hes avoiding certain places/situations.

    PTSD is quite debilitating, it's something I struggle greatly with....it's physical as much as it is mental and when those triggers occur it is very hard to rationalise what is happening in the moment....which is why he turns to drugs....it's a coping mechanism but not a healthy one.

    I find when I am at my healthiest I am maintaining a good routine, no alcohol, exercise, work, hobbies etc. When something breaks that chain of routine the train comes off the rails very quickly and alot of damage can be done in that short window while you correct yourself.

    Personally I have not found psychologists to be helpful/make any difference, that's not to say they do not help or have effective techniques, just that for me personally they have made no difference, and on occasions I feel my health deteriorates when seeing them.

    Everyone is different, but I feel the key is knowing your triggers, knowing the root cause of those triggers (where in the past do they come from), acknowledging those triggers and accepting they have occurred but do not control you and cannot hurt you now.

    PTSD is such a complex illness and there is no one solution for an individual, its a blending of multiple therapies, medications and life experience for what works for you.

    Take care

    1 person found this helpful

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