Hi Tony WK
You give people hope and guidance on so many levels. I'm really grateful for your threads and posts. Thankyou Tony WK.
That was a long time you had to keep dealing with your Narc ex for the children. Do you have any tips for ppl still dealing?
I left my previous ex because of his addictions & behaviours. He was a lovely man but for those, we had children together. THEN he remarried and in came the cruel narc. When our youngest was 13yo they begged me to go to Court so they didn't have to see their dad any more. Tbh this broke my heart for him.
But to keep my children safe, I did. My exH actually understood!
I had around 10y of that narc in my face and in my life.
When I tried to leave my last exH it was hell on wheels.
We spent many years in Courts. He seemed to thrive on the drama. He was labelled a psychopath by Police. He still hasn't left us alone.
I learnt about the 180 and Gray Rock strategies and used them to the max.
There are great clips online about how to deal with a narc when you have children.
The best thing I learnt in all of this was about "boundaries". Set them, then you have to maintain them!
The analogy I use about putting up boundaries with a toxic person, is that it's like a "red flag to a bull"... they simply won't / can't / choose defiantly NOT to respect boundaries.
I understand it's all about "supply". They've lost their supply of whatever it was; attention, money, reputation, "status" in the family etc etc. Hence the drama through Courts and on any Social Media etc.
They also get set on attempting to destroy our reputation. I didn't care about "reputation" so that didn't work either.
It's all about "control". When they've lost their control over you, it can be very nasty and dangerous indeed.
I'm so happy you've had peace since your eldest married Tony WK.
I wish that same peace for us all!