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Topic: Nobody knows I’m suffering in silence

4 posts, 0 answered
  1. Madeline07
    Madeline07 avatar
    1 posts
    22 October 2020

    Hi There,

    I feel like there is something wrong with me, like I might be broken, or missing a part?

    I had my first child in July 2019 and I think I may be suffering with Post-natal depression (if it’s still called that after the baby is a year old)

    In the months that followed birth I was crippled with anxiety and bouts of depression, I didn’t seek help (I was too anxious) and eventually things calmed down and I began to settle in to my new life.

    However, recently things have gotten bad again. I’m so quick to anger, over the smallest of things, I’m irritable, I feel so incredibly low and weighed down? I cry often, and not just a few tears, full breakdowns, I have no motivation, no focus and feel so flat. I’m constantly exhausted and drained.

    I’m truely starting to hate myself and how I look, I try not to look at myself anymore and I avoid getting any new clothes because I don’t think anything will look nice on me. I feel like a big fat toad.

    I have thought about ending my life, but I do know that deep down that’s not what I want. I have thought about running away, and often.

    I don’t feel like I’m a worthy mum. I absolutely love and adore my child, so please know that they are safe.

    what hurts me the most I think is that no one notices how much I’m struggling. My husband doesn’t see it, my mum doesn’t and my friends don’t either, I feel like I’m in so much pain and no one can tell.

    I know I need to get help, but I’m so scared.

    I just want to be the best me, so I can raise my child well, I don’t want my struggles to effect them.

  2. Sophie_M
    Sophie_M avatar
    3685 posts
    22 October 2020 in reply to Madeline07
    Hi Madeline07

    Welcoe to the forums, we are so glad that you decided to join us here. We know it can be hard to write the first post, so thank you for having the courage. We are so sorry to hear you have been struggling since you had your baby, and that you feel unsupported and scared to seek help. Please know that you have come to a safe, non-judgemental space and that our community is here to offer as much support, advice and conversation as you need.

    If you would like some help finding mental health support, we would recommend that you get in contact with the Beyond Blue Support Service. They are available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 3pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport  One of our friendly counsellors will be able to talk through these feelings with you and can offer support, advice and referrals. 

    You might also like to try PANDA's National Helpline (Mon to Sat, 9am - 7.30pm AEST/AEDT) on 1300 726 306. They offer support to recover from perinatal anxiety and depression.

    Please also feel free to keep reaching out here on your thread whenever you feel up to it.
  3. geoff
    Life Member
    • Awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    geoff avatar
    13477 posts
    22 October 2020 in reply to Madeline07

    Hello Madeline, and a warm welcome.

    I can't say whether PND has returned because I'm not qualified, but from experience, this can possibly happen and I'm just so sorry you are feeling this way.

    If no one notices how much I’m struggling then maybe denial may allow you time to adjust in these distressing situations trying to protect yourself by refusing to accept the truth about something that's happening in your life, and by pretending, is only delaying the help you need.

    We are here to help you and I've also had to suffer from PND.

    Take care.

    Geoff.

  4. Juliet_84
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    Juliet_84 avatar
    432 posts
    23 October 2020 in reply to Madeline07

    Oh Madeline07, I feel like giving you a big warm hug right now, I feel like you need it ☹️
    It can be so hard when our partners and family can’t see our internal struggles, these are the people who know us more than anyone and should understand. But they can’t truly grasp it if you don’t speak with them about how you are feeling. Have you tried doing this? How did they react?

    I’m sorry that you have been crippled with anxiety and depression for so long, I’ve been going through a similar bout for close to a year so know how taxing it can be. Unfortunately the person who is best to pull us out of our own funk is us. For me, it was deciding to make a commitment to my mental health, that even if I didn’t feel like doing something, I was going to do it anyway. I know exercise is good for my mental health, so I have started doing that, I’ve even recently joined a netball team, which I am loving and meeting new people. I tried a pottery class but I didn’t like that so I left it. I know that having my hair done and buying new clothes makes me feel good so I treat myself every once in awhile.I basically made a list of all the things I was unhappy with and decided to set about changing them. So for you, you have been unhappy with your body - so maybe an exercise program may be a place to start? Do you have any support for your bub so that you can have some time to yourself? I’ve also made a conscious effort to cease all negative talk as it’s just not helpful and is quite destructive. Seeing a psychologist to talk things through and come up with some strategies might be a good idea also?

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