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Topic: one year later still the same..

3 posts, 0 answered
  1. Jimmuck
    Jimmuck avatar
    5 posts
    5 May 2022

    hi, i posted on here last year after a few weeks i thought it had all been resolved. but here i am a year later still with the same awful relationship. not one thing has changed, even though we have had a few real big arguments about it. she still behaves towards me like i am a child, she treats me like am am less than equal, despite my repeated request all our money ends up in an account in her name, she never discusses anything with me and what is happening in her life. she never stops to think about her actions, does whatever she feels like any any given time, with completely no regard to how they might affect me. i have told her on many occasions she is destroying us, but nothing changes. i told her last year when we (as i thought) resolved our issues, that if she carried on like this there would come a day when i would not be able to take anymore. that day came almost two weeks ago, when not only did she once again completely ignore that i might be worried about where she was, after six times of not answering her phone, i went looking for her. when i found her she talked to me as if i was a little boy looking for his mummy, she did so in front of another woman, i felt so humiliated. later that evening i made it plain that i could not go on like this anymore, that i was tired of being miserable and she was making me desperately unhappy. i had finally realized that all her apologies and promises were merely words she has no intention of fulfilling, that we do not have any semblance of a normal relationship, it is her then us. i also said i am tired of telling her she was destroying us and if i had somewhere else to go i would leave right then. i told her that i thought, rightly or wrongly, that she could benefit from some professional help. there followed two days of silence, left her alone to digest what i had said, her response was to calmly tell me she is leaving in a week or so time, the words she used were like she was doing me a favour. since then there has been nine days of total silence, not a word from her, no discussion on our finances, how she wants to settle and split everything, not one single word at all and no attempt to pack up her things, just sits around the house in sullen silence. it is indescribably awful how i am living at this time and it is making me ill. i am 64 years old and really do not need the stress and worry in my life. i do not want to live with her the way she treats me, so if she wants to go, why doesnt she just go

  2. MB19
    MB19 avatar
    2 posts
    9 May 2022 in reply to Jimmuck
    That sounds terrible. I am sorry it is like this after you gave it a year to improve. I think you need to try and have the conversation about when she is leaving and try to get her to set a date. It is important to discuss the finances ASAP so you know you are covered. Unfortunately, if she doesn't leave you would have to see what legal options you have. In the meantime, try your best to make a happy space for you in the home where it doesn't feel awkward/moody. Her mood is her mood you don't have to have it too (as hard as that can be I know). Wishing you all the best!
  3. geoff
    Life Member
    • Awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    geoff avatar
    16441 posts
    9 May 2022 in reply to Jimmuck

    Hello Jimmuck, the conditions you are living under are certainly not reasonable, and for all the money to be put into her account needs to change, because you don't know what she spends it on, so you don't have any control over this.

    Emotional abuse may also include the days of silence, and rather than wait for her to make a decision, which may never eventuate, perhaps you need to stop all the money going into her account, then decide what furniture etc you want to take and move out yourself.

    You can organise this by going to legal aid, because waiting for her to do something might not happen.

    You need to enjoy your later years free from any domination.

    Take care.

    Geoff.

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