Hi again Anonlover and thanks so much for another post with such clarity and emotional maturity.
I will attempt to help with some thoughts on how to set up and conduct a 'conversation' that doesn't lead to the arguments you mention.
However all I can do is rely on my own experience - at some stage it might help to see a relationship expert together, but that it really up to you, in addition to the advice already given to you in the other posts.
To start with, any discussion MUST not become an argument. All this does is agnite emotional barriers that stop any progress. Tell your boyfriend that you love him deeply, want a terrific and nourishing relationship long term, but really need to have a chat abut the way you feel. Do not accuse him of anything. If he says why what's wrong, respond with something like how sorry you are about how you have been responding and would love to hear about what he truly thinks about your behaviour. If he says its all OK - keep going and lead into asking him what aspects of your behaviour would he like to see improved, regardless of how minor.
Do you see how this works? He should find it very hard to not respond to your open and honest request. This will then give you he chance to say is is alright if you comment on some aspects of his behaviour.
Even if you honestly feel you have done nothing wrong at all, by him seeing that you are 'owning' some of the issues should open him up to telling you what is really on his mind.
Be receptive and appreciative to what he says but do keep your self respect intact as you deserve that.
I hope this helps you a little bit. It is hard to do so don't feel bad if it doesn't go right initially. Keep at it, be receptive and loving, and encourage him to open up how he feels about you.
Men are not good at this but this approach might help to break down some barriers.
All the very best Anonlover, let me know how you get on!