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Topic: Partner has left due to depression

3 posts, 0 answered
  1. Martoner
    Martoner avatar
    1 posts
    21 November 2021

    Hi Guys,

    Me and my partner had been together for 8 years, Im 28 and shes 27.

    She has been struggling mentally for probably the last 3 months. I've been really supportive during this time but last week on monday she sat me down and said she cant do this anymore which was a bit of a shock. We are still talking on a daily basis just not as much to give her space and she still comes and sees me every 3 or so days.

    Its been extremely tough especially not having her around, We recently moved into our new home about 6 months ago. I'm now here by myself and she has moved into her mums which is about 5 minutes away.

    She has said it wasn't about leaving ME its about not loving herself and her very low self esteem. I didn't realise during the time how much it was actually affecting her. I respect her completely that she does need some time to her self and we both believe in time we hold a lot of hope we are forever partners and will be together again.

    I truly believe we're soul mates. We've been together throughout our 20s and accomplished so much together and we still are deeply in love.

    I'm just wondering has anyone have any stories or experience they've through with this very similar thing, especially a partner leaving due to mental health and eventually finding there way and coming back into the relationship. What you did during that time to help and what should i be doing and avoiding.

    I'm currently giving her all the space she needs and I only message her when she messages me etc..

    Thanks for reading, I hope this makes sense and i hope to hear from some people with similar experiences.

  2. Croix
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    Croix avatar
    10556 posts
    21 November 2021 in reply to Martoner

    Dear Martoner~

    Welcome here to the Forum - a good move as you will see others have been in the same horrible situation. It is very easy not only to feel the grief, worry and loss of the separation, but also be all at sea as to what's best to do, there is no road map after all.

    Before I go any further I'd like it ask what sort of support you have at the moment? Trying to cope with all this by yourself in an empty house is very hard indeed. At least your partner has her mum. Do you have anyone for you, a family member or friend perhaps? It makes a big difference.

    I was the other side of the coin, with depression and other mental health matters making me want to withdraw, at the same time blaming myself for just about every thing, low self esteem and not even understanding truly what I was doing or why. I even found I could not tell if I loved or not.

    It was very difficult for my partner, who at first felt she was in some way responsible for my behaviour and was frightened to do anything. Very fortunately I eventually sought medical help and my behaviour was explained to her by my psychiatrist as a set of well known symptoms, not her at all.

    After that she gained confidence and tried to cope with me as best she could, not easy as my reactions were inconsistent, accepting it when she asked how I was one day, responding with anger and resentment the next.

    She did have her mum, which made a huge difference, giving practical household support as well as love and emotional support and encouragement too.

    I guess the two things that stand out from that time were firstly I knew she was there for me, a fixture in my mental wilderness, and secondly the realization I could not 'fix' myself and only started to improve when I had competent medical assistance.

    May I ask if your partner has been diagnosed and is under treatment? If not then I would think the very best thing you could do is encourage her to seek it. If you are not the right person to do that then perhaps someone else like her mum?

    You will be pleased to know I am now pretty much the person I was before, still under treatment, but loved and loving, welcoming my partner's company and confident and gain satisfaction from my life and work.

    I hope to hear back from you

    Croix

  3. Sophia16
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    Sophia16 avatar
    169 posts
    22 November 2021 in reply to Martoner

    Hi Martoner,

    I am really sorry for what you are going through. It must be so difficult for you. You are doing such a great job by giving her space and respecting her boundaries.

    It is going to take time. I can see that you both still love each other. Mental health is such a crucial thing and can change anyone's mindset. Be there for her and wait until she is ready to have a deep conversation and when she is truly settled.

    Does she currently see a psychologist or take any medications? Does she have coping mechanisms?

    Please stay safe and i am here to chat if you need me.

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