Hi Notanurse (lol love your name btw)
I absolutely hear you LOUD AND CLEAR. You don't want to hear my story lol... I'm way older than you btw.
I've talked about this stuff very openly with all of my close friends. Are you just trying to "tease out" your thoughts and values and reconcile your hopes and dreams or am I close?
I'm a single mum again. Been through hell. (I have a bf & am in a VERY long distance relationship with him, it was a total 1 in a billion chance connection). I can't stomach any ideas of dating apps.
After my last marriage ended, I was like "3 strikes and I'm out".... I can't do relationships for ALL the reasons you mentioned and more - the ones you feared came true for me.
Anyway ... it seems like you're kind of trying to "make yourself" think you need to be married to (correct me if I'm wrong)..:
* "do the next step" ie like marriage is ticking the box?
* get help with future kids
* buy a house because you can't see yourself doing this alone
* conform to your idea of "social norms"?
You mentioned nothing of:
falling in love..
Having intimacy in your life..
Having a companion with common interests..
Having an intellectual equal even?
Then at the same time you... know you've been through DV and are still recovering, believe you could conceive more children via donors and single parenting well...
BUT are super afraid of all the bs that goes along with a greater than 50% chance of separating (due to stats of 2nd "marriages")...DON'T BLAME YOU.
When you say "...but I need to get my mind in the right direction sort of thing." what do you mean?
It seems like you're feeling that being as you are, a single mum of 1, is NOT the "right direction"?
Are you feeling that what you have already is "not enough"?
I'd love to keep talking with you about all this stuff. If you could respond to some of my queries lol then we may figure EVERYTHING out together lol! I was joking... it'd be great to get some individual clarity.