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Topic: Sick with Anxiety!

4 posts, 0 answered
  1. Ahjlees
    Ahjlees avatar
    9 posts
    3 December 2019


    So I’ve been struggling with this for awhile now and I feel that I’m at my breaking point and honestly don’t know what to do.

    I have been helping some friends of mine care for their son and have been going over every few weeks for up to 3 days since he was about 5 days old.

    Very early on they offered me a thank you present, in the form of an overseas holiday. I was very hesitant but accepted and life went on. Several months later, I was informed that they had invited someone else along without talking to me and was a bit putt off but again didn’t say anything (turns out that was a wonderful thing as we are now dating). A few weeks after that, they purchased tickets and it’s been an on going drama ever since.

    They asked me after the tickets were bought if I was ok to pay for my own accomodation, something they originally offered to do. I agreed but a few months ago realised that I couldn’t actually afford this trip, asked if we could look at cheaper accomodation and subsequently found out that they had been expecting me, my now boyfriend and the other person coming to pay for one of their accomodation. There has been a lot of problems surrounding changing to cheaper accomodation and after heated discussions or angry words that leave me feeling like I’m a horrible person and that I don’t matter to them, in equal measure, they act like nothing has happened. I’ve also become aware that they are talking about things to do with or that concern me to my boyfriend, instead of to me. I called them both out on it and asked them to stop; one ignored me completely and continued doing it and the other claimed they didn’t know what I was talking about.

    I’ve really been riddled with anxiety over this as our friendship is now incredibly strained, with them going periods without talking to me and in return I don’t really communicate with them. To worrying if I can actually afford this trip, to me being unwell and feeling even more so about this whole thing.

    I want to go on this holiday, especially with my boyfriend as it will be our first overseas trip together and first holiday longer than 2 days but I can just imagine it being very uncomfortable for all involved and a waste of money if none of us enjoy it.

    I honestly don’t know what to do or if I should go and as we are meant to be leaving early next year, I have little time to decide.

    I’m completely overwhelmed.

  2. Croix
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    Croix avatar
    1335 posts
    6 December 2019 in reply to Ahjlees

    Dear Ahjlees~

    I feel bad that you have had to go for so long without any reply, sadly the system here sometimes simply does not work . Please rest assured it is nothing to do wiht you, or the subject of your post.

    I have read your posts from some time ago in:

    Supporting family and friends with a mental health condition (carers) / Overwhelmed

    during which you mentioned you had anxiety and depression. This current situation will not have helped in the least and left you worried over expense and grief and loss over a friendship that has become shaky.

    Things started well and you helped out with the baby, something most mothers would realy appreciate, and your freinds tried to give you a gift as a result. Something you would enjoy.

    That was fine, however it seems to have become a real burden, not a gift at all. It seems obvious now that your freinds have taken on more financially than they are capable of doing, a miscalculation on their part.

    If they has talked the matter over prior to taking any action I would think you would have either opted for a much cheaper holiday to which you would have felt comfortable contributing to, or simply said no.

    A holiday is a time of enjoyment, getting away from life's hassles and visiting new places. It sounds in this case you either go, and take the stress and financial hassles with you (and have to possibly deal with them on your return), or refuse and maybe invoke the ill will of your freinds.

    Friendship can be a wonderful thing, however it is based upon not only enjoying another's company, but also care and respect for them. Frankly the ever increasing demands on you do not seem to show that care and respect.

    Then again neither does talking behind your back, or allowing you to feel ill over the whole thing. It would seem what might have been started with the best of intentions has become a divisive monster.

    I think the business of having a holiday with your BF is a side issue, I'm sure the two of you could arrange something more economical and less ambitious for yourselves.

    So I guess you have to weigh up if the financial and other stress is worth putting up with for the sake of a shaky friendship, or if the whole thing is not really viable, with the effects on you doing more harm than good

    Ask yourself if you do go if you think the friendship will be restored to its initial level after your return

    Have you discussed this with your boyfriend? He may have suggestions.

    I'd like to know what you think


  3. Ahjlees
    Ahjlees avatar
    9 posts
    6 January 2020 in reply to Croix


    Thank you so much for replying.

    Im not going to lie it’s been a very hard month trying to deal with all of this. My boyfriend and I decided to go ahead with the trip but I Strongly regret that choice.

    I’ve continued to be ignored and then things were temporarily ok but then deteriorated again. One of my friends just explodes about everything and I haven’t really felt like her friend in awhile.

    I’m not sure our friendship is going to survive past this trip and to be perfectly honest I’m not sure I want it to.

    My boyfriend is in agreement. He hates how we are being treated and hasn’t felt completely comfortable with our ‘friends’ in awhile either. They, however, don’t treat him quite as badly as they treat me.

    Recently one of them accused me of ‘not giving a f*#k’ about their son because I have been busy and haven’t had time to go over. In addition when asked if I’d be over the night before his 1st birthday, I answered; maybe. When I subsequently didn’t go, one of our ‘friends’ ignored me and the other blew up at me.

    There have also been issues regarding repaying people for accomodation, which resulted in her blowing up at me again and her Mum calling me. I declined the call.

    I should be SO excited about this trip and though we leave in roughly a week, I’m sick about it and don’t want to go.

    I hate myself for not backing out weeks or even months ago.

  4. Croix
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    Croix avatar
    1335 posts
    6 January 2020 in reply to Ahjlees

    Dear Ahjlees~

    If things have deteriorated to the extent you decline calls I'm afraid that any friendship you may have had is not obvious at the moment. If you are sworn at, her temper is always there and even your BF is given a hard time then I'm not sure being cooped up with them for the duration of the holiday, plus all the other downsides, financial and otherwise - and aftermath - we have discussed before, is not going to do your mental health any good at all.

    Not backing out earlier is not something to blame yourself about, you had no crystal ball to tell you what was going to happen, and hope to renew a friendship is a worthy objective. So is having a holiday with your BF.

    Frankly if it was me I'd have a very long consultation with my psych (or GP) and discuss the probable effects on you, and how long they might last. Also the resources available to you while overseas should you feel the need if your anxiety becomes unmanageable.

    It may well be that a clear look at the medical possibilities may solve your problem for you.


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