Welcome to the Healthy Families forums!

This is a space to ask questions, share experiences and support each other. Find a relevant thread or start your own!

Before you can post or reply in these forums, please join our online community and have a read of the community rules. Forum membership is open to anyone residing in Australia.

  • share on Facebook
  • share on Twitter
  • Print page

Topic: The Daily Stress

5 posts, 0 answered
  1. Tokyo
    Tokyo avatar
    2 posts
    6 December 2021

    My partner works i wake up with him every morning get his stuff ready for the day, some mornings he just raises his voice and speaks to me with abuse and all im trying to do is help him.

    He will accuse me for doing something that i never did.

    He will assume.

    He is never wrong he is always right.

    He will say his ODC but im the only one that cleans, he will come home from work and chuck his stuff on the floor and then yells at me for tyding it up.

    I have to pay all bills, while he just buys unessesary rubbish and $100 food shopping and i cant go food shopping for the week because he thinks we will survive with $100 worth of groceries. So ill say he controls my money aswell.

    I always listen when his speaking but not when his speaking to me with tone also abuse. But when i speak he just brushes it off or doesnt listen at.

    I dont feel confortable conversating with him so ill keep my words minimal, Sometimes i wouldnt know how to respond to what he has said to me so ill just try my best to. He gets very fustrated easy and ill just turn into an arguement.

    I feel like i dont even have a place in this relationship anymore.

  2. mmMekitty
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    mmMekitty avatar
    1714 posts
    6 December 2021 in reply to Tokyo

    Hello Tokyo,

    This sounds veery serious.

    If you are in immediate danger:

    you need to phone Police 000

    Otherwise, there is 1800RESPECT:

    18 00 737 732 & talk about what's been going on & try to get some help. This is no way for you to be treated by anyone. There is no excuse for your partner's behaviour. You deserve a whole lot better. You have a right to be treated with dignity & respect.

    If you need to talk more,we're are here. You can also phone BB's own counselling service on:

    1300 46 36

    I hope we can talk again, soon. For now, I'd rather that you are safe.


  3. Sophie_M
    Sophie_M avatar
    6136 posts
    6 December 2021 in reply to Tokyo
    Hi Tokyo,

    We’re really sorry to hear what you’re going through. We’re really glad you had the strength and bravery to share this here though. From what we're hearing, it sounds like your partner is not treating you in an acceptable way. It's not ok for anyone to control your money or speak to you abusively. It's so good that you could share this here, though. We think it's a really important step.

    We’re reaching out to you privately to make sure you’re ok. If you'd prefer to call us directly we're on 1300 22 4636, or you can reach us online, here. We'd strongly advise reaching out to the lovely people at 1800Respect to discuss this, they're on 1800 737 732, or you can reach them on online chat, here.

    Thank you again for your courage and strength in sharing your story. As mmMekitty's lovely post shows, our kind community are be here to offer their support and understanding.  

    Kind regards,

    Sophie M
  4. jaz28
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    jaz28 avatar
    278 posts
    6 December 2021 in reply to Tokyo

    Hi Tokyo,

    I am sorry to hear this happening at home. Please reach out to the helpines Sophie_M suggested if you need to.

    What you are experiencing is not okay - you should not be shamed for keeping the house clean, or told how to spend money on necessities. I know you said it is hard to communicate with your partner - but is this possible? Would they be receptive to couples counselling? It is a tough spot, but just know that you're supported here.

    Let me know if you need to talk.


  5. The Bro
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    The Bro avatar
    193 posts
    7 December 2021 in reply to Tokyo

    Gidday Tokyo and welcome to the forum with such a strong post.

    You have already received some very good advice from other responders.

    I am afraid your partner is dishing out abuse built on disrespect, total lack of care and devoid of any compassion. A total control freak in every way.

    If you are able to, build up the courage very soon and ask him very calmly if you can have a discussion about matters that are very important to you. He will probable yell 'What matters!' but persist and just reply you want a calm talk with him. Keeping very strong and calm, let him know you are not happy in the relationship at the moment and its due to the way you are being treated. What happens very often in meetings like this is the aggressive party will calm down and listen, and this often leads to an apology. If you can, tell him that you feel he is often angry, and ask what you can do to help him, his reply might be interesting.

    You may even want to ask him how he feels about remaining in the relationship.

    Now will this be easy? NO it will not, but at least you will be able to hold your head high and prove to yourself that you have given it a go. If he responds with anger and belligerence, that is a signal for you to walk away.

    Whatever, please do not let it continue like it is - you are a fierce, capable woman with your own rights and desires - don't let him shut that down!

    All the very best - of course I am happy to discuss this further if that would help you.

    The Bro

Stay in touch with us

Sign up below for regular emails filled with information, advice and support for you or your loved ones.

Sign me up