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Topic: Thinking of leaving my husband. He neglects me & can be emotionally abuse.

8 posts, 0 answered
  1. Brave girl
    Brave girl avatar
    4 posts
    12 January 2020
    I am thinking of ending my relationship. I don’t feel emotionally safe with my husband. There’s no emotional connection or support from him. There’s no real sharing. All we have is very minimal “weather” talk interactions He has issues however says he accepts himself the way he is and that is how it is. When I try to really talk to him he says nothing or can behaviour very negatively eg gets aggressive, angry, swears at me, puts himself down & puts me down, walks out. We are like house mates & acquaintances after 37 years together. I feel so alone.
  2. Lady Nova
    Lady Nova avatar
    15 posts
    12 January 2020 in reply to Brave girl
    I think you are brave enough to know what you need to do for you. I had to leave my marriage after a 25 year relationship and it was hard, but I had come to the conclusion it was leave or die. It wasn't necessarily "die" as in death, but I knew that the person I once was, and the person I could be, was not going to survive if I stayed. My mental health was "beyond blue" it was a constant screaming chaos inside a hollow shell. The last gasp of survival made me leave.
    Take stock of who you were, embrace the possibilities of who you can be, breath, then take every step necessary to find you, even as you walk out that door.
    You can do this ...
    1 person found this helpful
  3. Brave girl
    Brave girl avatar
    4 posts
    14 January 2020 in reply to Lady Nova
    Thank you Lady Nova. You were very brave leaving a 25 year marriage. Appreciate your words of support
  4. Sophie225
    Sophie225 avatar
    22 posts
    15 January 2020

    Brave girl, I am in the same position. Just housemates, nothing more, yet my husband is very controlling, wants to know who I am with, how long I'll be, how much it will cost, I'm living on eggshells all the time. And my young adult kids who still live with us I know feel the same about living on eggshells, I just don't think they have worked out why yet. I am working towards leaving but I need to get myself a more secure job first, and its horrible wanting out but can't yet. I too have felt very along - but I have found it useful being on here, although I haven't posted much, its nice to know there is support out there. I don't have any family here and any Facetime calls I make are monitored, so I don't have anyone to talk to, except on here.

    I don't think I have helped, but I hope it may help you with knowing you are not alone. I have struggled for a couple of years now and really wrestled with whether to leave or not, but ultimately we only have one life, and even if that life is living on our own I have reached the conclusion that its better than eggshells.

    Keep in contact and let us know how you go x

  5. Lady Nova
    Lady Nova avatar
    15 posts
    15 January 2020 in reply to Sophie225
    if you have kids at home, adult or not, invite him to leave. I am sure if you asked the kids they will support you. If he gets abusive call the police assistance line. You can pay a solicitor to draw up a separation notice. Get legal advice. Also your kids, being adults can contribute to bills as you will all be adults together ... and happier
  6. geoff
    Life Member
    • Awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    geoff avatar
    3399 posts
    15 January 2020 in reply to Brave girl

    Hello Brave girl, really appreciate the courage you have in posting your comment, just as others have been able to do, now is the time to look after yourself, enjoy some long lost freedom where you can virtually do what you want, where you want without any fear of being abused, either emotionally or perhaps worse.

    Just as Lady Nova and Sophie have been able to do is free themselves from a marriage that was unfavourably dominated by their husband, we hope you can do the same.

    There are a couple of difficult decisions for you to make in regards to financial and property matters but are you able to have a lawyer do this on behalf of yourself, rather than engage in discussions with him.

    Talk with your doctor to regain the strength to find a much better life and would to hear back from you.

    Best wishes.

    Geoff.

  7. Brave girl
    Brave girl avatar
    4 posts
    16 January 2020 in reply to Sophie225
    Hi Sophie225. Thank you for your support. You are not alone. That is not ok that your husband is so controlling and that you feel like you are walking on eggshells. Good on you that you are working towards leaving. Good luck with finding a more secure job. Thinking of you. X
  8. Brave girl
    Brave girl avatar
    4 posts
    16 January 2020 in reply to geoff
    Thanks Geoff for your words. Appreciate your support. Thanks,Vicki

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