First, I want to say you are absolutely stunning. I am truly stunned by how you have tried so much in the way of raising yourself out of depression. Your efforts are courageous and admirable. You should be incredibly proud of such effort.
I regard myself as being fortunate in my ability to look back at the depression I was in for about 15 years. Being able to now clearly see how it played out, I acknowledge the people, behaviour and events which brought me down or kept me in my depression. In a depression a lot can feel like our fault yet, in truth, the faults/flaws that others present to us hold significant meaning. Many may prefer to hold onto their faults rather than challenge themselves to change them. Unfortunately, we face the challenge these faults present to us. This can definitely be depressing.
For you, for example, perhaps Canberra wasn't your place because you wanted more excitement. Perhaps you are naturally an exciting person who loves to be fed moments of excitement. You could then say it was a fault in your husband that he was unable to recognise how depressing Canberra would be for you. You may have even explained to him that you can't tolerate living there. Then the fault would have been the inability to pay attention to what you're saying and how you feel. If he promised you that you'd both be living in Canberra for a short number of years and you both agreed to this, this was a verbal contract. You face another of his faults, his disregard for such a contract. So, you're a perfectly reasonable person facing the faults of another. I don't mean this to sound like a blame game, just want to make it clear that when we're picking faults it's done with clarity, in the search for greater consciousness/understanding.
Is it your fault that you've tried so many different therapies? Far from it. This is your strength, your strong desire to better yourself.
I can see a list building here Timshel. So far, you're stunning, amazing, courageous, reasonable and incredibly strong and determined. I hope you see that. While others look for a greater sense of ease in their life, their behaviour and decisions brings you dis-ease. This is unfair.
Wondering if your son feels unheard, like you do at times. Could a new challenge involve managing listening carefully to each other, in a way that is full of care, improving communication? It's definitely a challenge to hear what what our kids are really saying, within their pain and discontent.