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Topic: What are your thoughts on Enmeshment.

7 posts, 0 answered
  1. Jsua
    Jsua avatar
    195 posts
    6 October 2020
    What are your thoughts on Enmeshment, can anyone share experiences about this interesting topic? Cheers.
  2. Tay100
    Community Champion
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    Tay100 avatar
    531 posts
    6 October 2020 in reply to Jsua

    Hi Jsua

    Thanks for posting and starting a conversation about this. You are right, it's certainly an interesting topic! Do you have any thoughts on it? From I know, it can occur in family systems, and occasionally friendship systems? It certainly could be talked about more, so thank you for starting this dialogue.

    Tay100

  3. Jsua
    Jsua avatar
    195 posts
    6 October 2020 in reply to Tay100

    Hi Tay100, thanks for your response.

    I had a bit of a look into Enmeshment after my councilor advised that I may be experiencing this in my relationship. I understand that it is primarily referring to family bonding and that in some circumstances, it can be related to partner bonding as well.

  4. Tay100
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    531 posts
    10 October 2020 in reply to Jsua

    Hi Jsua

    Oh that seems right to me- has your councillor said anything else useful or interesting that you'd like to share at all? No pressure to share at all. You can also share your experience if you like- we are here to listen and help in a non-judgemental way :)

  5. Jsua
    Jsua avatar
    195 posts
    14 October 2020 in reply to Tay100

    Good afternoon Tay100.

    I since have realized that I don't experience enmeshment after making a final decision to cut ties with my wonderful partner (both male). I thought that it would be too hard to leave him as I would be roped back in. Our main problem was the he would constantly ask to break up or have space because he couldn't trust me and that it was my fault for how he felt. He blamed me for a lot of things.

    So I gave him a final chance to improve his behavior (BPD/NPD) as he was not medicated or attempting to change. I began to understand that he was becoming increasing emotionally and physically abusive. So I pulled the plug. I no longer enable his abusive behavior. I decided to remove myself from the destructive cycle, the hardest choice I've ever made in my life.

    The difficult part has been trying to regain my independence and now I am left with shame and guilt. I though I was going to become too needy and run back to him but after a couple of weeks being on my own, I felt somewhat relieved.

    I won't lie, I miss him terribly and I would give everything to be with him - I am so in love with him and invested so much of my life for us. Now I feel shameful and guilty for doing this. The pain is something I cannot describe. It runs deeper than the physical mind and body. It's the most horrible pain I have ever felt - when you realize that the person you love and want to grow old with may never be healthy, even though he has a choice.

    I will be signing off here for a while to focus on my mental and physical wellness and to continue to learn to love myself and to understand compassion.

  6. Tay100
    Community Champion
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    531 posts
    18 October 2020 in reply to Jsua

    Hi Jsua

    Thank you for sharing that, you have clearly given this a lot of thought, and come to a decision that is based on self-care and compassion for yourself. You are right, it's far from easy, but it sounds like it's best for you right now based on what you have described. Of course, please take all the time you need- we'll be here if you want to reach out again.

    Sending kindness,

    Tay100

    1 person found this helpful
  7. geoff
    Life Member
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    geoff avatar
    13477 posts
    19 October 2020 in reply to Jsua

    Hello Jsua, I know you may have signed off, but that doesn't mean you've stopped reading.

    Enmeshment may mean feeling guilty and responsible for his well being, often at a cost to your own wants, needs and desires and if you are able to type this in your search bar 'how to overcome enmeshment by Kenneth M Adams' may offer you some help.

    This word has great strength but can definitely be overshadowed by him being 'increasing emotionally and physically abusive'.

    This may have the potential of becoming worse as time passes.

    Best wishes.

    Geoff.

    1 person found this helpful

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