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Topic: What could be wrong with my husband?

7 posts, 0 answered
  1. carlsland
    carlsland avatar
    5 posts
    14 January 2020

    My husband of 20 years has always been a bit hyper, but now it's gotten worse. He usually goes through phases of different hobbies, etc, but now they are becoming obsessional to the point it is affecting his life and mine.

    A few years ago he borrowed a book from the library. He is an artist and this book inspired him. It was a book about an artist that had an interest in the Japanese art.

    Well, my husband started taking an interest in the japanese art. He never did before.

    But it didn't end there. He practically changed his whole culture and this is what he will do. If he gets an interest into a different hobby, he imerses himself so much into it that it takes over. For a few years it was golf. And then, everything became about golf. He would play the game constantly, stay up watching the golf into the early hours of the morning. Setting the clock to watch a golf game on tv in the middle of the night.

    But for the past few years it's been Japanese Art. Then he had to book a ticket to Japan and he has been there 8 times already.

    He now eats sushi. Never ever liked or had it before. He eats fish for breakfast, and has bought a tonne of Japanese arts and crafts, ornaments from Japan. Our house looks more Japanese then it does Australian.

    When I ask him, why, he just replies, "I don't know, I just like it"

    He refuses to eat at the table and will sit on the floor and eat his meal like a Japanese and is now taking lessons online to learn Japanese.

    The thing which is more upsetting, is that he has made friends with Japanese women and will talk to them online. He says there is nothing in it, that they are just friends but he sends them gifts, koala bears ornaments, from Australia.

    He has made about 40 Japanese friends on FB and bought Japanese books on art. He is now following Japanese sports

    He has spent $$$$$$$ on the trips to Japan and we had to sell our investment property recently.

    He says it makes him happy but, to me, it makes him agitated.

    I didn't marry him like this but now he has become more Japanese then Australian. He is 46 years of age

    One day he may watch a program on Water Buffalos and decide he needs to go to Africa to save them. Then he would get obsessed with Africa. This is how it goes with him.

    My concern is that he will divorce me and want to marry a Japanese. He jokes about it.

    His mother was a little like this and there is some mental illness in the family.

    What does this all mean?

  2. Doolhof
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    Doolhof avatar
    914 posts
    14 January 2020 in reply to carlsland

    Hi carlsland,

    Thanks for sharing your story about your husband. I have no idea what this means but do understand how it may make you feel, especially when it impacts your life on so many levels, including financially and security wise regarding your relationship.

    Have you spoken to anyone professionally about your husband's actions and reactions? Could you talk with your Dr about this?

    While your husband is spending money on his own interests, do you have the finances and ability to pursue your own interests? Are your needs being met in this relationship? If not, are there ways you can make this happen?

    Hope you find some answers and a sense of security in your relationship.

    Regards from Dools

    1 person found this helpful
  3. carlsland
    carlsland avatar
    5 posts
    14 January 2020 in reply to Doolhof
    Thanks for your reply. My Dr thinks he may have bipolar because of his changing moods, but we won't know until he sees a dr himself. He thinks he is ok. He says, "He might be a bit manic" but he is happy and that is all that matters. Yes, I have my own hobbies but they are affordable and don't break the budget. We have lost our investment property because of his over-spending. He doesn't seem to care. He says that he is happy and I should be happy for him. He has stopped caring for me, doesn't communicate much and wants to spend more time with his own hobbies. He refuses counselling.
  4. Croix
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    Croix avatar
    1388 posts
    14 January 2020 in reply to carlsland

    Dear Carlsland~

    I'd like to join Dools in welcoming you here. I'm afraid you are in that horrible position that you can see something is very wrong but are powerless to take action. Unfortunately unless a person is incapable they are the ones to decide if they should see a doctor.

    Are there any times when your husband comes down from being obsessed and is easier to speak to? Even suggesting a physical checkup for a start to get him to the doctors may be an idea. Is there anyone else he might hold in high esteem who might persuade him?

    Apart from that taking what measures you can to protect finances might be possible, at least limiting the damage.

    While there has not been a formal diagnosis of Bipolar, and there are other forms of obsessive behavior, you might find the thread

    https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/staying-well/this-bipolar-life/page/155

    It is very long if you go right back to the start but there may be more recent posters there who might at least know the problems.

    Croix

    1 person found this helpful
  5. carlsland
    carlsland avatar
    5 posts
    14 January 2020 in reply to Croix
    Thanks, Croix. I'll check the link out. Thanks again.
  6. geoff
    Life Member
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    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    geoff avatar
    3436 posts
    14 January 2020 in reply to carlsland

    Hello Carlsland, can I offer a warm welcome to the forums, and although I'm not qualified to diagnose your husband, however, having these obsessions is something, not only myself and many other people struggle with, are activities we want to do, need to do or the desire is so powerful we can't seem to avoid.

    I have OCD and with this, compulsive and obsessional thoughts, as well as the actions we do, are involved, so if you can type this in your search browser may give you a better idea

    -do I have OCD

    Would like to hear back from you.

    Geoff.

    2 people found this helpful
  7. carlsland
    carlsland avatar
    5 posts
    15 January 2020 in reply to geoff
    Thanks Geoff I will do. thanks again.
    1 person found this helpful

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