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Topic: What does this mean , wth is wrong with me, is anyone else like this ? l need so much space.

  1. randomx
    randomx avatar
    1613 posts
    26 September 2020

    Hi bb .

    Really hoping for some insight and feedback here because l can't afford to see someone.

    My partner is down again from her city , been down a few wks now and can stay indefinitely right now as she's had legal business up home but it looks like that could be done for at least this yr now.

    We've always lived really well together she's easy to be around , does nothing to make me the way l am no one ever has really although my ex w def' use to get a bit much which also made me head for solitude but at least there was a reason . Thing is , with my partner bow , friends or people around , even my daughter , l just become in desperate need alone time after awhile. lt doresn't matter who it is or how much l enjoy them around , l can only take so much of it but then l just have to get away for some time to myself.

    My partner doesn't understand how l'm like this or why and she does nothing to bring it on , being around anyone after a certain amount of time just does and if l don go off and hide out alone for awhile l just gt exhausted and in filthy moods.. l'm talking daily. Even her or say my daughter who is the easiest person you'd get to be around , and she likes her space too , yet even with her.

    l mean l'm a fun person and do love some fun and social time , but then ok , l've had enough now l have to go. With my partner if we're both around all day night which l work at home and she only works pt so that's quite often. l'll need a few hours to myself before she gets up , then a few more later in the afternoon and even after that l like if l can get it an hour or so before l go to bed , just alone time. Because although we do sleep beautifully together , l just don't feel like being ion bed bside someone all night without another bit of a break first.

    l'm bloody weird , l've always been like this but it is a bit worse now as l'm older and since divorce l've either lived alone or spent a lot of time alone, Wth can't l cope and just enjoy relationships and being with special people like everyone else. My gf can be around me 24 7 , so could my ex w , so can my daughter , wth is wrong with me,

    Any feed back appreciated . rx

    2 people found this helpful
  2. CMF
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    26 September 2020 in reply to randomx
    Hi rx

    I get it. I need alone time too. With the restrictions we have in Melbourne my kids are home all day and then Sunday I see M and feel like I'm going crazy at times. I just want a day to myself. I don't think there's anything wrong with it. I'm a big thinker/overthinker. My mind is always busy and noisy so I need downtime too. No noise, no people around, no talking. It helps clear my mind. Sometimes on a Sunday I sort of look forward to when M has to go so I can have my own time.

    I think it's just how we are. Need space to clear the head and not have to talk or be answerable to anyone. Maybe have a chat with the gf and try to explain. Hopefully she is understanding.

    Cmf x
    1 person found this helpful
  3. tranzcrybe
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    26 September 2020 in reply to randomx

    Hi rx,

    What makes you think there is anything wrong with you? Having your own space is essential to any healthy relationship and the frequency should be as varied as you feel necessary. Some couples can even live together but still maintain almost complete independence - I think this is important to identify and acknowledge with the increasing years.

    Perhaps you feel exhausted from being too receptive when in company, being switched on 'high performance' can be draining. Could you see a way to be in your own mind/space while still in the presence of others? Being able to detach from those around you for short breaks may be a learned experience (and can also be habit forming!). I guess it depends on how comfortable you are to do it. For example, I can always nod off in a chair with familiar people but never with visitors - just feels wrong and impolite (but know of others that can do that at the drop of a hat).

    The opposite end of the spectrum is those who share every waking moment together - very easy to cause rankles and a feeling of being trapped and inhibited (even in the most loving of relationships) from one or, strangely, both (being unable to express their feelings from fear of creating a rift).

    Accepting individual needs for solitude rests with the sentiments of the other.

    Hope this makes some sense.

    Regards,

    t.

    2 people found this helpful
  4. ecomama
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    26 September 2020 in reply to randomx

    Hi rx

    I'd really like to understand it because it's pretty confusing to me too. But I find intimate relationships confusing lol.

    We ARE all different and I think the spectrum of "normal" in relationships is singular and negotiated too.

    But some things can't be negotiated. There isn't a "compromise" to many things. It's either black or white.

    I think this is one of those things that no compromise can be arrived at.

    That sounds like a LOT of hours you'd rather be alone and finding it hard sleeping together all night too makes me want to ask if you're really "into" your gf? I'm sure she's asked this already.

    Sorry if she has.

    EM

    2 people found this helpful
  5. therising
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    26 September 2020 in reply to randomx

    Hi rx

    Personally, I don't think your desire for alone time is weird. I love time on my own, for a variety of reasons. Wondering if you can relate to any of the following

    • I find it easy to relax or wind down on my own after interacting with others. Because it's so easy, I enjoy it (my own company)
    • I absolute love to sit in wonder. Give me a topic and I can go off and sit on my own, wondering about that topic for hours, if it's of interest to me. I'll research it on my laptop, meditate on it (inviting natural inspiration) and basically sit in a state of fascination. Sometimes people will distract me from this state I love. I try to find a healthy balance of my own company and the company of others. I do enjoy inviting others to wonder too. I enjoy watching the expression on someone's face when they reach some mind altering revelation
    • Certain people have a tendency to bring me down. I can only be around them for so long before I begin to feel impacted. I'm not talking about a sad sort of down others can be feeling, it's more so something like folk just wanting to vibe in front of the tv all the time. If I'm in an excited mood, I can begin to feel my mood shift into unexcited or frustrated. I'm a sensitive sort of gal. I try to manage my vibe in conscious ways if I can help it. Wondering if you are pretty sensitive to other people's moods, if you feel impacted by them, enough to actually feel the need to detach for a while
    • I can relate to what tranzcrybe mentions about being in high performance mode and the need for a bit of a break from feeling a bit exhausted

    The list goes on.

    Might take a bit of detective work when it comes to understanding why you naturally feel the need to have a break from folk. Do you ever take notice of the small details before you have a break? Do you feel tired, drained, bored, agitated, down? What about afterwards, when you're in your own company? Do you suddenly feel peaceful/relaxed, analytical (wonderful), daydreamy, happy for your own company etc? Strange question but how does your body naturally feel? How does your nervous system feel (relaxed or hyperactive)? Maybe the time out thing could even involve naturally maintaining your mind, body and natural self. It's what keeps you in a healthy balance. Everyone's different.

    Sometimes it's worth relabeling a behaviour from 'weird' to 'interesting'. 'Interesting' opens our mind to many fascinating possibilities.

    :)

    3 people found this helpful
  6. randomx
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    1613 posts
    26 September 2020 in reply to therising

    Hi all , and man l am so relieved to hear some thoughts on all this , it's been a problem for mee my whole life but far moreso these days.

    Just to therising first up and thanks for that too btw . Yep l've always been extremely sensitive to other people around me and have always seen and noticed things that just go straight past anyone else. l even watch that happening sometimes in disbelief . l'm not about being actually overboard though in the other way of sort of staying so switched on to people that that's what wares me out , l tune in and out pretty easily.

    As far as feelings l get , hell yeah pretty hard to avoid well well aware of them all always have been. But put simply , people exhaustion pretty well rounds it off. l'm sick of everything. l don't wanna talk anymore l don't wanna be bugged anymore spoken to anymore l don't even wanna see you anymore, no matter how much l love ya , please just go away and leave me be for a few hours.Days even , and during periods alone after divorce , weeks , all the time. With the exception of my daughter being over but apart from her at times.

    The time out is recharge time, me time, answer to no one do whatever l want time , peace and quiet time , thinking time , all along those kind of lines.

    l am also a thinker , like cm , and yourself. l can think 54 7 , at twice the speed and tolerance of most l've noticed and even actually choose to dream and of what l choose , all night , for weeks if l want. Although l usually don't like dreaming l have lived that quite a few times while l've lived alone , for mths at time sometimes , a kind of matrix world all my own haha. l don't do it much these days mainly bc l just can't be bothered .

    rx

    3 people found this helpful
  7. randomx
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    1613 posts
    26 September 2020 in reply to randomx

    Hiya cm.

    thanks for the thoughts , are you always like that even when not in lockdown , kids and all, or?

    l certainly get the just needing the downtime and to not talk. l'm a weird talker l can talk a lot when l'm in the mood sometimes if l really get along with someone but later l'll be talked out and it's ok , l've had enough and l'll need to just stop , or leave . l always think about that when you talk about M bc he can be around people 24 7 , which is my worst nightmare but strange how other people can be just looking for more even after 24 7. lt amazes me.

    Hiya em and thanks for the thoughts . Good luck with understanding it though l still don't know why it effects me so much looking at other people and how it just doesn't for most. But yeah very much into gf we get along very well , which has always made my need even more confusing. She doesn't understand it either only gets that for some reason l need it so she does her best to oblige . l take it with all those kids you wouldn't know what your own time and space felt like l guess and probably don't need that anyway huh. But yeah , everyones different although l could say there is an average or norm too with people and l haven't known or seen many that need my kind of time. lt is a lot of alone time l need for sure l know but nah , love sleeping with my gf , can't wait usually , just like some downtime first if we've been around each other all night but l realize even that probably doesn't make sense to many.

    rx

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  8. geoff
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    13477 posts
    27 September 2020 in reply to randomx

    Hello RX, there is nothing wrong with 'alone time', imagine yourself trying to read
    the newspaper on a particular article that you're interested in, but you can't
    concentrate because someone is asking you questions or just talking to you, that becomes annoying, simply because you want some 'me' time.

    It’s essential to make sure you take care of yourself and that may mean stepping
    away from it all to spend some time on your own and this could well be before or after bedtime.

    If the person you're living with is reading a book in bed, I'm sure they won't appreciate being interrupted, so they want some free time, it goes both ways, especially if it's for your own health, and that's what's so important.

    Take care.

    Geoff.

    3 people found this helpful
  9. randomx
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    1613 posts
    27 September 2020 in reply to geoff

    Hi Tranzcrybe , and thanks for the thoughts.

    Yeah l don't see anything wrong with couples living however they wanna live either it's their world do do with as they wish and create into whatever suits them. Trick is them both being happy with the same and with no resentment. l've always had a lot of guilt for my alone need , it's always been far more than what they need and you often know they're waiting for you . My brother has a funny one, his gf lives 3 hrs away and just comes up to visit every 2,3 wks , it's even a mth or two sometimes, or he goes down to hers. They live together a few wks then just go home. They've been together 20yrs like that .

    l've had the trapped feeling many times through life, l like my freedom. l do love having a partner too it's the life l prefer but l just need my time as well. Married was hard l just needed too much of it and asked myself a million times if l was even married material she needed a lot more together than l did, My partner now although she doesn't actually have this need like me , she actually doesn't mind it either and before long alone gets herself involved in doing something even if it's just tv or stuff round the house. so it works a bit better with her than ex w. But your spot on too it is very very habit forming too once l start having it can't do without it. Thanks for the input appreciated.

    Hey Geoff , always nice to hear or see your thoughts around on things and thanks for that. You kind of nailed a big pert of it there for me , it is a taking care of myself thing. lf l don't get it l'll get stressed and into very bad moods through no real fault at all of those around me they haven't done anything it's just a me thing. Although of course there's also the some people that do just get too much but a break for those is a pretty typical need for anyone , mine is different to that but thankfully l also stopped setting myself up into situations with those types yrs and yrs ago too none the less . lf l am gonna end up around one of those these days l always have an exit strategy haha.

    Everyday life though yeah you could use the reading a book example because that's what it's like whether it's to just think , or not , or to just be , for awhile. l just seem to need time to read that book at least quadruple the amount of time anyone else needs is the thing.

    All thee best mate , rx.

    3 people found this helpful
  10. randomx
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    1613 posts
    29 September 2020 in reply to randomx

    l've wondered if it's just an introvert thing. l've read a bit on it and they often sound very similar in varied ways.

    Although l can't stand labels tbh , there's so much of it just thrown around these days especially all over the internet , but for me in our own mental health,it's on the other hand very helpful. Gives us a place to start , knowledge on how to deal with it and an understanding, explanation and so some kind of peace. Like when they finally figured out l was dyslexic, it wasn't know much of or understood when l was in school. Although it's still not undrestood or known much of within everyday people lt at least is in it's field now. lt's also huge to just finally know that it's not that your mad, or dumb , many dyslexics are way above average or extremely talented in certain areas as l am myself in the arts , the knowing and hearing it from experts in their field , finally just gives you a place to fit and to start with. lt also make a huge difference for people that your close to because finally they can understand what happens and how to just allow for it with you.

    Well , from what l can understand of introvert , they can still actually be very social and enjoy people a lot , even partying , as l can be myself and use to do , but it also takes a lot out of them and suddenly they're just done and just need to retreat but it's a case of have , it's not just a matter of oh sorry l'm a bit tired. Well this is from what l can understand so far.

    l'd love to see someone but it's just not doable atm.Not that l'd expect much could be done but it just might help to know. rx

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  11. tranzcrybe
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    29 September 2020 in reply to randomx

    Hi rx,

    Good observations. Perhaps you could liken it to Sprinters and Marathon runners - it's all in the genetic fabric (ie. quickfire muscles vs stamina) where neither is very good at the other's task despite being legs nonetheless.

    The best extroverts usually relish escaping their inherent introverted sameness, and do so with far more shazam as a result; but, as with a strobe light, the intensity affects the frequency and duration - swings and roundabouts, I guess, requiring the highs to be offset by the lows.

    Labeling is helpful but can sometimes set a benchmark against someone else's perception of 'normal'...

    Regards,

    t.

    3 people found this helpful
  12. randomx
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    1613 posts
    30 September 2020 in reply to tranzcrybe

    Hi T , thanks for that.

    And funny but the sprinter would describe me socially , all in until my sprint is done but when it's done l'm truly done .

    To me , really there is no normal , l mean there's a lot of normal in life , with people , run of the mill lifestyles yeah but ther's also absolutely anything goes out there too , it's just not as common. l've never had any interest in being some so called normal and never have been. But l do admit in th social area it would be nice just to stay on some ind of level normal, but anyway.

    l'd be very hesitant about wanting or giving myself any more labels tbh , but in this case for me it might help , end of the day though l am as l am and not much is gonna change anyway in that department at this stage l guess. l suppose we're always fin tuning but as l get older l know social or even on personal levels on this one , l am how l am and l've fixed as much as l can but where l'm at these days is about as good as it's gonna gt from here.Keep working on manners when l'm done l suppose , and peaceful exits haha, probably about as far as l'll get. lt's not that l mind at all being this way , it's the hassles it can cause with those your close too.

    Soldier on l suppose . rx

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  13. Jsua
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    195 posts
    30 September 2020 in reply to randomx

    Hi randomx.

    Everyone loves alone time, however, it depends if you are using it as a coping mechanism and not wanting to be around others, that's different from have alone time to do activities that you enjoy like reading etc. There's nothing wrong with wanting some down time.

    2 people found this helpful
  14. randomx
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    1613 posts
    1 October 2020 in reply to Jsua

    Hi Jsua.

    Nah of course mines a lot worse than just someone wanting downtime though, well they way l get if l don't have it is you would say.

    l suppose many would need a bit at times but but for me the solitude is an absolute daily necessity far more than most butttt, tis what it tis l'm realizing and really that's not a problem it's living it with other people that's that problem and working with your weird ways . Threads are good like that aren't they putting your thoughts and issues down kind of put it all out right there in front of you and you realize things .

    rx

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  15. CMF
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    1 October 2020 in reply to randomx
    Hey my friend

    Here's something to think about. How is wanting solitude any different to say, someone who cycles? Example- my M is a cyclist and gets in a ride whenever he can. On Saturday mornings, in a group, they do over 100kms. During the week he will try and ride to/from work or after work and Sunday mornings. He craves it, it makes him feel good, mentally and physically. Everyone accepts it. I guess what I'm saying is, if it's what you need, who's to judge?

    In answer to.your question re how I am when not in lockdown I guess I'm a little different cos I have quiet time with when kids are at school etc. I'm often out and about but I'm alone. I love doing things alone where I don't have to talk or think about someone else.. Idon't think I need it is as much as you do but I do crave it if I don't have it. Besides my kids, I like people, but in small doses if that helps.

    Cmf x
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  16. randomx
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    1 October 2020 in reply to CMF

    Hey cm and thanks for that.

    Gees he's a busy guy isn't he considering you guys , kids and good ol sis on top of everything he does . love's he's cycling too eh , his need sounds like my canoeing , miss the water running under the boat so much when l can't go.

    But anyway my thing well nah , it makes no difference to other people outside of my own home, it's my business l leave when l leave and that's that. But it can just be really awkward at home with my daughter or my gf or if someone else is around or over when l need my time. Caused a lot of problems back when l was married too, among other things. lot of guilt associated with it too because l need so much of it.

    But anyway , no choice but to work around it .

    rx

    2 people found this helpful
  17. CMF
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    2 October 2020 in reply to randomx
    I understand

    It's who you are and what you need. Hopefully there will be some understanding that it's not personal against anyone but it's what YOU need to function. Some need a cigarette or coffee , you need alone time.

    The right person will umderstand that, or at least try to.
    3 people found this helpful
  18. therising
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    2 October 2020 in reply to randomx

    Hi rx

    The fact that you can choose what you dream about is amazing. You must have a natural ability to tap into that part of the brain/mind. While a lot of people are left absolutely puzzled in regard to their dreams, I find most dreams to be fascinatingly cryptic, just begging to be interpreted. Had an absolute ripper the other night, which revealed a lot about my nature and the lack of direction and self discipline in my life at the moment. It was quite a wake up call.

    Do you ever feel fascinated by how you work? What I mean is you can be thinking 'I wonder why I have the ability to consciously dream in a way, whereas other people don't' or 'I wonder how my brain can be such a high functioning calculator (naturally calculating/computing why people do things), when other people miss noticing questionable things' or 'I wonder how I have the ability to detach so easily, without any great effort'. Yes, a lot of wondering. Personally, I've come to find detachment to be a great or super natural ability at times. I can be so incredibly emotionally invested in someone I deeply care about, trying to make a positive difference to them in so many different ways. I can even get thoroughly frustrated and a little angry at times (quite emotional), as I deeply desire to see them flourish beyond their challenges. With the realisation that I'm far more invested in making a difference than they are, BAMM, I can detach from emotion and go straight for practical calculation. I calculate 'You wish to make no difference and continue simply complaining about there being no difference'. Harsh, I know, but let's just call it 'tough love' with elements of observation. Don't get me wrong...if this is the truth and the truth is painful for that person to hear, I can easily become deeply empathetic to them whilst they are in that pain. I feel their pain. Knowing when to be calculating (so to speak) and when you're sensing that call to connect through heartfelt emotion can be a matter of sensing being 'the objective/curious observer' compared to being 'an emotional participant' in life. Mastering the ability to read these calls can definitely be challenging at times. If we're a sensitive person, the emotions can get the better of us if we're not conscious of their influence and how worked up we can get through them.

    I wonder if you find yourself interesting. You definitely sound like an interesting person. You sound like you have a number of natural abilities others don't have.

    :)

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  19. randomx
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    2 October 2020 in reply to therising

    Hi rising , and thanks for the nice post and awareness. But nope not really l don't wonder l've known since l was little and got plenty of practices in observation with our monster family . My mum and dad were really the only ones , sometimes one ore two others, l'd say that saw these ways and were pretty wary , my dad in particular where as mum was a lot like me anyway so things sort of washed off because she understood.

    TBH l really don't like dreaming and l only do that with one dream an obvious fav haha , can't be bothered with others as really even most good dreams l don't like much. l can also wake myself up for a coffee and then go back to my dream later. l do another weird thing too well quite a few actually but this drives me nuts. lf l wake up at say 6-17 for example, if l notice the 6.17 , l'll keep waking up at exactly 6.17 for wks after that. l have a way of stopping it and try to just not take in the exact time l wake so as long as l forget or didn't ltake in the exact time, it won't happen . l was reading a thread once where someone mentioned 7.13 and unfortunately l noticed it and woke up at 7.13 for a mth after that . Didn;t mention it in the thread later they wouldn't believe it anyway haha.

    l also have to block a lot of things in life bc l have an extremely quick and very vivid imagination and l'll dream about something bad someone said if l don't block it.

    No no not harsh at all you have to look after you and you know what sets you off or gives emotional upheaval and of how damaging it is so you learrt to stop that and imo that's a great idea l have to do it with a lot of things too like so many things happening in the world now and in Australia or with someone l care deeply for.

    l also hear you in the empathetic and pain , other things l have to block with people and they may think l'm hard or unemotional or too brush offish but if l don't l literally as you say feel their pain too and really at times can't bare it so we need to look after ourselves too right .

    Your an old soul , like me haha , a deep old soul. A lot of people throw that around but you see in time there's nothing old soul and so l didn't say it lightly believe me. l find these day the calls pretty easy to make myself now but it wasn't always and l made some bad ones in the past. But there's also a lot l can't say because l just can't bring myself, like you l'll feel thee hurt so l'd rather not.Self preservation is so important too right.

    rx

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  20. CMF
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    3 October 2020 in reply to randomx
    Hey rx,

    Sound like you're an empath. I think that's why you need so much time alone. You need it to recharge cos you're absorbing other peoples energy.

    Do you feel like you're absorbing from the forums? You're always here helping to you help me heaps and I feel you really understand me, you get me. I wonder though if it drains you without you realising?

    Good for thought?

    Cmf x
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  21. randomx
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    3 October 2020 in reply to CMF

    Heya cm , umm, l'll have to google that one haha.

    But nah l only drop in a few minutes here and there, we're slacking it up at my place right now so l wander about on the net a bit haha.

    Tbh , l'm in a few forums and take most of them grain of salt apart from bb but in RL yeah for sure you could be onto something. Even if l'm not taking any notice l soak in way too much from any people around, news, tv, anything, got my dads curse, a pretty active mind, need a switch. YOu could be right maybe the alone need might be that. l'm effg weird l know that much.

    And thanks too for that but ahh, l don't do much around thee place can't believe the effort sso many really put in even cm your always taking the time and helping many around the place but eh , throw in my 2 cents here and there haha. Anyway , you have yourself a nice chill wkend hey , well as poss' as that can be with kids but anyway.

    rx

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  22. randomx
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    7 October 2020 in reply to randomx

    Speaking of dreams , actually l can't even remember how dreams came up in the thread but anyway, do you forget bad dreams and nightmares ?

    Thankfully l don't have many because they really haunt me when l do and l'm scared l won't forget them. That's one of the type of times l make myself dream a good dream later , too hopefully dominate any memory of the bad dream. But l really just don't like having any dreams at all l'd sooner get a nice solid slep and hopefully wake up with a fresh n clear mind.

    Can anyone stop dreams all together ?

    That's what l'd really love to be able to do so if anyone can feel free to elaborate l'd love to hear about it. l've been trying for yrs but the closest l've came is to make myself dream a good dream after a nightmare. or wake myself up before the nightmare gets too bad and that way l just don't have it .

    rx

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  23. therising
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    7 October 2020 in reply to randomx

    Hi Rx

    Not sure if we can stop dreaming completely. Definitely food for thought though, whether the possibility exists. Personally, when things are going well in life, I tend to dream far less or at least I think I do. Maybe I do dream but just can't recall.

    I have found nightmares to be quite telling to some degree. Even though they can be stressful at the time, I put every effort into interpreting them. Some are easy, some are not so easy to interpret and some I find to be a wake up call in regard to direction in my waking life. Had a dream the other week where I was in this massive workplace where there were a lot of the familiar faces from my actual work. In my dream I was stressed: The power was off, there were no lights, everyone was relying on me to manage but I kept doubting as to whether to put the fuses back in (once I found someone had taken them out), for fear this action would cause a fire. I had one person yelling at me to make a decision. The maintenance guy showed up with some helpful flood lights but still I was stressed and didn't have the confidence to manage. Without adding more of the details, that's kind of it, in a nutshell. My reality - Sometimes I really do feel like I'm 'working in the dark', not knowing how to manage. As a mum, wife, daughter, friend etc, I have many people who rely on me for direction, to manage. I find I'm often managing ways to manage (making plans) but not taking as much action through these plans. I am undisciplined. There's one thoroughly inspiring person I enjoy chatting to at work and...you wouldn't believe it...it's the maintenance guy. He's such an 'enlightening' and inspiring person. So, what I need in life is more confidence/decisiveness, more discipline and action in how I manage and I need to look to more enlightening people to inspire me when it comes to basic solutions, so I'm not left in the dark so much.

    So, I suppose it's about how you perceive dreams or nightmares; they can simply be nice or horrible things or they can be telling to the point where you come to rely on them and don't want them to stop coming. Some folk will even ask for answers to their problems through dreaming, before going to sleep. A friend of mine does this and she says it never fails. She'll always see the problem more clearly through her dreams. When she wakes, she understands what she needs to do in order to make a difference in her life. I believe sometimes dreams are cryptic things, begging for interpretation.

    :)

  24. randomx
    randomx avatar
    1613 posts
    7 October 2020 in reply to therising

    Hey Rising.

    Yeah it's a weird concept to me that some might invite dreams and l know many like to delve into them , me l just like to forget them , even good ones, they really mess with my head. l know the reasons they do and that's even moreso why l'd just rather not have them and forget , but anyway. But hey don't sell yourself short anyone would have trouble putting that fuse back in under that pressure if there were those dangers.

    How do you feel about the way lifes turned out and in this day there are so many relying on you ?That's a lot to deal with . l find it's the emotional side of things the scariest with your loved ones relying on you , like my daughter and problems atm . Emotional things ar so serious at times when they're young and can be so deeply complicated . l often thank God we didn't have a tribe haha.

    l wonder how he'd feel if he new he inspired you , l really don't like inspiring anyone, it's too much responsibility and l also know only too well things aren't usually as they seem .

    rx

    1 person found this helpful
  25. therising
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    therising avatar
    1494 posts
    8 October 2020 in reply to randomx

    Hi Rx

    I've told the maintenance guy he's inspiring. He tells me how he's made life work has been a trial and error process, before tapping into what makes a positive difference for him in a number of ways. He has a lot of enthusiasm and energy and he puts it down to the differences, seeing the same old same old was exhausting, uninspiring and questionable to some extent.

    I get where you're coming from regarding simply not wanting the nightmares. They can definitely be exhausting, as well as messing with that restorative sleep (energy power up) we need to start the next day. I think if nightmares are also having us tap into some 'living nightmare' from the past, no one's going to want to revisit that sort of stuff, especially when they're relying on sleep to some degree to get away from those memories of the past.

    Personally, I love raising people. I absolutely love it but it can be exhausting at times, for sure. You know what it's like, sometimes you can be so into raising people in a number of ways only to reach the revelation, especially when you're feeling a bit flat, 'Who is raising the raiser (me)?' Gone are the days where this used to get me down. It's funny how I've developed this 'super power' called intolerance. It's strangely empowering. Nowadays, I'm inclined to say to certain people 'Get your poop together and make a positive difference in my life! Power me up!'

    CMF made a point about being an empath. I believe it's a valid point. Not only can people be draining your energy in a number of ways, you can also find yourself adopting their 'vibe'. My daughter is a legend when it comes to pulling me up on how I'm getting worked up at times. She doesn't hold back in telling me 'Stop it! When you're in this mood, I gradually find myself in this mood too. You're agitating me. Stop it, right now!'. I love her; she'll be 18 in a couple of weeks and already she's mastered how to manage her mother. We raise each other well. She's quite sensitive to people's moods. I suppose we all are at times. It pays to notice when it's not our mood we're experiencing, it's the vibe of the person that we're taking on. Works in a positive way too, like when you walk into a room filled with excitement and suddenly feel excited or when you meet a person you're attracted to and realise it's their peaceful calm nature you're attracted to. You feel it, it relaxes you.

    We're definitely interesting quirky creatures.

    :)

    2 people found this helpful
  26. randomx
    randomx avatar
    1613 posts
    12 October 2020 in reply to therising

    Just back to my original for now , and my damn space thing .

    No doubt about it , l am one weird bastard . lt's just well , trouble , when one is even spacey let alone my kind of spacey. As l've always said a none space person will never get a just spacey person let alone someone like me , it's never happened never will l don't think. Even when they try to oblige , when you just don't understand something because your just not like that then most people just can't even figure out the whys and whens and the what's it all about., the needs. lt's funny , to me just strange. But they can be still happily on top of you at midnight , when you've been together all day , still yacking away , oblivious to you almost boiling over with the need to just go , isolate for awhile , nothing personal but please just shut up and leave me alone until tomorrow, or next wk, l'm done for now. hmmm, but but , love life l hear ya , well you know , when your both home through the day and l'm enjoying the company well , there's plenty of opportunity, no problemo.. So whether l even turn up for bed at some stage later through the night or not in that regard , doesn't really matter.

    l'm always feeling riddled with guilt though, happened in my marriage too, a partner still wants there there none the less, or to spend evenings together , or to chit chat all night , or to talk yet more, or to curl up with. Well l do love some of that too , of course l do , love it when l'm in the mood. Trouble is that has only ever been 20 or 30% of that of my partners , any partner , ever.

    There's nothing l can do about it , it's just the way l am. Of course l hear ya , maybe l need someone more like me but you like/love whomever you do , and strange but on this front that's just unfortunately never been a part of her make up or personality . You'd think it would've been , no idea , but it hasn't, you'd think l would've been attracted to some other space nut wouldn't you., nope, hasn't happened .

    rx.

    2 people found this helpful
  27. tranzcrybe
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    tranzcrybe avatar
    398 posts
    13 October 2020 in reply to randomx

    Hi rx,

    Well that's settled it then - your only option is to become a FIFO worker ;) . But this has little to do with how you navigate things in everyday life - this is about your relationship at its core, and I hope you can follow my train of thought...

    Is your partner maybe compensating/overcompensating for your desire for solitude? - a bit like taking up the slack in a 50/50 relationship - when it feels like 50/25, the quantum is restored 75/25 and you (25) feel smothered as a consequence.

    Could there even be a deeper fear in her that you may not be as into the relationship through these perceptions one normally associates with absence, mental &/or physical? Your feelings for escape may be more noticeable than you think, but the inference could be misconstrued in intimacy as her not being sufficiently engaging (hence raising the intensity to draw a stronger connection). This struggle to find reciprocal affection could lead her to feelings of anxiety over what is, from your understanding, a false premise. Do you consider your partner's affections 'normal' or 'unusually intense' (from a standard perspective)?

    The need for security and complete faith in mutual devotion demands regular maintenance (maybe this is where many relationships start to fracture - complacency). You're not complacent, but your particular requirements may inadvertently be sending similar messages regardless of your partner's efforts to be supportive.

    You have expressed this to your partner in the past, and anyone else would be fine with this. But matters of the heart are far more interwoven and your relationship is not 50/50 - I've heard even that's not enough. To ensure peace of mind, both parties must provide 100/100 to be truly dedicated.

    There are many assumptions I have made above, and you may be better off taking this hypothetically to avoid any direct inference which may have no place in fact. But it is tricky expressing in generalisations so I hope you will forgive my example to highlight the point I endeavour to make.

    Kind regards,

    t.

  28. randomx
    randomx avatar
    1613 posts
    13 October 2020 in reply to tranzcrybe

    Thanks for that L. And yeah exactly , which is where the guilt is always coming into things. She begins to feel your just not as into it , no matter how far you explain , try too , or love you do show , and so insecurities set in. Well , this is a very common scenario put it that way. But then there's also need, one person just needs more than the other, she will need more time , affection , the other loves all that too , but to a far lesser degree.

    l'll have to come back and finish this , must get to work.

    rx

  29. therising
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    therising avatar
    1494 posts
    13 October 2020 in reply to randomx

    Hi rx

    A thought just occurred to me, which led me to wonder, which leads me to ask a question. Do you ever think 'Unless that person's going to really excite me, I'd prefer to be left alone'?

    :)

    2 people found this helpful
  30. randomx
    randomx avatar
    1613 posts
    13 October 2020 in reply to therising

    Yeah all the time , l think every angle. interest is a strange thing for me though, even with someone that stimulates me to no end. ln that case then l'd actually even moreso need my time because we'd talk so much and have so much interaction that l;'ll at some point just come to a screeching halt where l've just had enough. lt's funny really , or crazy, but theree's been a few people in my life even my ex, where we'd just talk soooo much , it just happens , that l'll just have to walk away.

    But yeah lack also works like that most def' especially with just people or friends l get easily bored . My partner though , l will just get back to a new point later when l've just had my down time and then l'll start just missing her again and can't wait to see her again and talk , hold her , be with her again. With her thankfully we're somewhere in between. which is kind of a better place to be for me as it doesn't wear me down and off into some isolation as badly as the extreme does.

    1 person found this helpful

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