Thank you so much for your words. I really needed that.
Yes, I have to admit that is not the first time that I hear that about me. I know that I am a conflict-avoidant, codependent, nice guy, people pleaser and I am not happy about that.
Today I believe that I spoiled her too much and enabled her bad behaviour. I would have done anything for her. I understand as well that this kind of partner (me) is not easy to handle. Even though I am patient, nice, etc. this type of personality has its downsides, too.
I guess she got used to the good sides and the advantages that come with it, big time. There are plenty of examples that show that her behaviour is/was unreasonable.
Since roughly one year this dynamic changes. I started to ignore her silent treatment (until then her biggest weapon), ignore her sarcastic comments, etc. I even put together a few things in my mind how to react if I would be faced with her (miss) behaviour again. I am at a point if she would threaten me to move out, I would ignore that too. Maybe some of you will say where is your fighting spirit, but I am just tired of all that BS.
I guess that change creates a lot of stress for her. Due to that, she behaves just strange, health issues, etc. and the longer I think about it, she has a problem. When I drive the car she is the most scared passenger I know and I really do not drive risky. At home, she is very jumpy and when I move towards her too fast she acts as I want to hit her or have beaten her up in the past. Before someone asks, never happened and will never happen.
It hurts to see her suffering but I can't sacrifice myself. But I am certain that she is not willing to accept that I possibly change, definitely not.
Currently, she is quite clever. She sticks to her routine, minimizes contact and she makes sure she is not acting out, showing attitude, etc. There is nothing to call her out on, at this moment.
I really like your reply (I will read it again and again) and as mentioned above I still have a long way ahead to find myself. The current situation doesn't make it easier.
Once she met my work colleagues at our Christmas party and she didn't like any of them. Then I realised that all of them are quite dominant, very testosterone-driven, etc.... BTW, all are nice guys...