Am I over worrying?
My healthy, happy, active, smart 10yr old boys seems to struggle with meeting new kids.
I recently took him to his mates birthday party and when we arrived my son saw at least 5 boys he didn't know. He instantly expressed he was feeling nervous but he NEVER joined in on the party. He goes quiet, doesn't like constant questions and basically will not articulate why he will not join in. This particular party was dodgeball and bubble soccer. This is not the first time this has happened. In January we went to his best mates house and the minute he saw 10 plus kids he did not know he would not participate. It was a Ninja warrior party.
As a young child he was always shy around others. He seems to be a perfectionist at school. He has ALWAYS struggled with the emotion of being embarrassed.
We did go and see a psychologist for 3 sessions who lead us to believe it may be performance based anxiety. In his short 10yrs of life he has had a few episodes where he will not join in. There is no panicking prior just a shutdown when he arrives.
At school he has pushed a lot of boundaries. He has presented at school, he leads the reading groups , he is well liked with many friends, he joined the choir 1 year, he participates in the school production so slowly he has grown.
However when he has these moments it is very public and we get a lot of attention as to "whats going on"... I know I have to deal with this attention myself and this is not his concern.
We self talk, we have always shared feelings and emotions, I validate how he feels ( I am not on my A game all the time and have got cross that he opts out. eg the school holiday basketball work shop cost me $300 and he would NOT return).He will not go back to the psychologist . The last session we had he got so angry and upset (I have NEVER seem him like this) that we had the whole session at the front door outside.
Tomorrow I have booked a parenting session with his psychologist to try and get ideas and get more suggestions on how I can help.
I feel like I am fretting because in two years time high school is coming up and I fear he will be that kid who will scream and cry to go to school because it is filled with new kids. .Am i over worrying? He certainly does not lose sleep over it. Will maturity help? I know its tough to give advice only having read this email but i just need to get it out as his mother.