Welcome to the Healthy Families forums!

This is a space to ask questions, share experiences and support each other. Find a relevant thread or start your own!

Before you can post or reply in these forums, please join our online community and have a read of the community rules. Forum membership is open to anyone residing in Australia.

  • share on Facebook
  • share on Twitter
  • Print page

Topic: BPD son in prison, I’m over it

  1. ecomama
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    ecomama avatar
    4561 posts
    3 April 2021 in reply to Sunflower62

    Dear Sunflower

    My heart sank when you wrote "It's not what I wanted for my son".

    This must be such an incredibly hard time for you and my heart goes out to you as a mum and grandmother myself. Huge hugs.

    I realised your energy in supporting him in jail last time and believing him.
    I imagine you would've been "angry at the system" for putting him there and interrupting his life.
    All that time believing him, supporting him, now this!

    All your faith in him disappearing... NOT your love! But yeah all the rest.

    I was married to a very evil man and had the "detritus" to clean up afterwards too... every piece I touched, seemed to have "shock and disbelief" embedded in it... it was / is a trying time. We still find the odd piece of stuff.

    I had a revolting paradigm shift deep inside me.
    That our closest ppl can bare face lie and keep up those lies forever more.

    When I listened to the free audio book "The People of the Lie" by M.Scott Peck, I felt freed!

    It created a paradigm shift that allowed ME to mentally separate from the illnesses demon had AND the putrid acts of harm it did also.

    I know it IS different, I was not his mum. His mother is as twisted as demon, lying her way to the grave. Not even his father could lie in Court.

    If at some point you need something else to help, this audio book MAY help... Peck was a highly regarded Psychiatrist for many decades. If you can fast forward through the religious stuff... there are AMAZING things in there that can help you.

    You are always welcome here on the forums and we really hope you keep posting to let us know how you are.

    Love EM

  2. Sunflower62
    Sunflower62 avatar
    36 posts
    9 April 2021 in reply to geoff
    He rung me at lunchtime today and asked me to pass on his Happy Birthday wishes to his younger brother. His voice was full of pain. I have had anxiety all afternoon and finally caved and had a drink tonight. I feel stretched this with the demands on my time and when I get time for me I’m too tired to do anything with it, I just need this to be done.
    1 person found this helpful
  3. Sophie_M
    Sophie_M avatar
    5926 posts
    9 April 2021 in reply to Sunflower62
    Hey Sunflower62,

    Thanks for reaching out on the forums tonight. We're so sorry to hear how stressful your night has been. We understand that receiving this call would've been so painful and emotionally taxing. If you ever need to talk to someone about these issues you might find it helpful to contact a Support Service such as Relationships Australia.  The Relationships Australia Support Service can be contacted on 1300 364 277. They provide relationship support services for individuals, families and communities and aim to support all people in Australia to achieve positive and respectful relationships. We'd also encourage you to reach out to our Beyond Blue Support Service, which is available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 3pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport. One of our friendly counsellors will be able to talk through these feelings with you and can offer support, advice and referrals.  You are not alone here, and we hope that you keep us updated on how you're going whenever you are able.
    1 person found this helpful
  4. geoff
    Life Member
    • Awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    geoff avatar
    15298 posts
    9 April 2021 in reply to Sunflower62

    Hello Sunflower, I understand how confusing this may be for you and appreciate your kindness in letting us know.

    This would definitely make how you are feeling very complex, mixed between reasoning and emotions and may feel that your son is finally trying to make some sense, but he's in a situation behind bars and not actually able to do what he wants to do.

    True emotional, as well as rational people, are affected by decisions they make either way, but only when they are able to in some consistent way, not making bad decisions against the law, then being locked up and trying to be compassionate in what you may believe as only pretending.

    I can't say whether his wishes to his brother were genuine or not, unfortunately, that's something you have to decide on, but can I ask you, would this happen if he wasn't locked up, sorry.

    Take care.

    Geoff.

    1 person found this helpful
  5. ecomama
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    ecomama avatar
    4561 posts
    9 April 2021 in reply to Sunflower62

    Dear Sunflower

    Happy Birthday to your younger son. Happy birthing day mama. Hugs!

    I'm so sorry you're going through all this.

    I know you feel so alone, but you have people that care about you and I want you to know that.
    Reach out to helplines WHENEVER you need them.
    1800RESPECT is awesome.

    Please do this.
    This is NOT on you.

    Son's actions led him to where he is.

    I was thinking of you yesterday, hoping you're coping okay....

    I tried to put myself in your shoes and ofcourse I know I'd cry a mountain of tears and probably blame myself too...

    then I thought "he's in the best place". He needs to be there to keep society safer.

    There's so much anguish in awakening to the realities of what he's done... but you would want this if someone had done the same offenses to your children.

    I Pray for CHANGE for son.
    That he opens up honestly to the MH support in prison and gets help for his tendencies that have harmed others.
    So that he never re-offends. Which is all of our hopes, I'm sure.

    Atm he sounds a bit like an alcoholic that will not admit he's an alcoholic.
    Everybody knows that the first step is to recovery is to admit the alcoholism.
    Only then can recovery occur.

    I truly hope it's the same for offenders of his nature.

    Maybe it's time for a bit of "tough love" so that you can go through whatever you need to mentally and emotionally and put a bit of space between you for that recovery?

    Please reach out for help with that, this is NOT your fault, son did this all of his own volition.

    Hugs
    EMxxxx

    2 people found this helpful
  6. Sunflower62
    Sunflower62 avatar
    36 posts
    20 April 2021 in reply to ecomama
    I saw my son Sunday morning. He seems ok. The eyes I look thorough at him now are no longer the same eyes that looked at him 6 months ago. I know I’m grieving. Grieving for the person I thought he was but now know that that was a facade. He is so charming, so friendly but so deluded. Grieving for the life I thought he would have. Grieving for the little boy with big blue eyes and curly hair who loved dinosaurs and going to the beach. I know now that he is mentally unwell and I now believe that he is a sicker than people realise. He fooled me because I wanted to believe. He fools other people because he is so plausible. I’ve spoken to his lawyer and he has prepared me for the worst. He will encourage my son to plead guilty. I dread the day when my son realises that I no longer believe his innocence.
    1 person found this helpful
  7. geoff
    Life Member
    • Awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    geoff avatar
    15298 posts
    20 April 2021 in reply to Sunflower62

    Hello Sunflower, you wanted to believe him because you're his mother, that's totally understandable, however, there comes a time when what he says to you isn't the truth as shown by his actions and the exhaustion of anxiety this will then create with the possibility that he fools other people because he is so plausible, unfortunately, won't stop him from trying to convince you that he's innocent, but the courts seem to differ.

    Eventually, our children grow up to develop their own life, and everything we've done to teach them the good in life may all of a sudden change, why, well any temptation from another person can pursue them to try something different that will convince them that doing this will benefit them more than what they're currently doing.

    This isn't your fault, you've brought him up the way you wanted, but once they become adults, we have no choice on a decision they decide on what to do and whether it's good or bad they have to accept what type of reaction is installed for them, we only hope it's good but it's out of our hands.

    Take care.

    Geoff.

    2 people found this helpful
  8. Nameless1
    Nameless1 avatar
    122 posts
    28 June 2021 in reply to Sunflower62

    Hi sunflower62

    i know the feeling. My son is in remand and has court in 2 weeks to decide on whether he gets extra time above the time served it released t a CCO . We too have struggled with his decisions and choices and lies. We can’t tell anyone except our minister at church and Gp we see for counselling Mental health issues and loss disappointment bullying PTSD didn’t help and we are concerned how we will manage when he is released if he hadn’t had help to deal with the causes .
    I too miss who he used to be. We have had much pain as he likes to blame us. Do the comments by many others here have been helpful in understanding the need to stop feeling guilty.
    we try and take a day at a time.
    it is not easy to find support information to help with what we are going through when you can’t tell friends and family !!

    Thinking of you and send my support knowing what you are going through

    Nameless1

  9. geoff
    Life Member
    • Awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    geoff avatar
    15298 posts
    28 June 2021 in reply to Nameless1

    Hello Nameless, I'm sorry you are in this position and besides who you are able to talk to, ask your doctor about 'the mental health plan', this entitles you to approximately 6-10 Medicare claimable sessions with a psychologist per year, although you may be able to have more, just ask your doctor.

    This will enable you to talk about the situation when your son is released because there must be so many questions you want to ask, that a psych can talk about and direct you in another direction and with other parents who have been in exactly the same position.

    Best wishes.

    Geoff.

    1 person found this helpful
  10. ecomama
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    ecomama avatar
    4561 posts
    28 June 2021 in reply to Sunflower62

    Dearest Sunflower,

    I can really hear the pain and grieving in your words.
    It's terribly sad to go through this as a loving mother.
    Biggest hugs.

    I'm not sure if what I'm about to write will make sense.
    You ARE allowed to love your son.

    I know you don't condone what he's done, you understand he'll suffer consequences, he has to face these.
    Sadly so do you.
    So you won't love the monster inside of him that as these compulsions BUT you can still love him.

    Maybe this is the approach you can have when disclosing that you know he's been lying to you.
    Just as we do as mothers when any of our children's lies have been discovered.

    In fact I THANK children for being honest with me.

    I completely agree with you that he NEEDS HELP.
    I'm not sure how effective any help is for ppl who suffer these compulsions but I realise that the first step in him getting help and making it successful, is admitting whole heartedly that he's caused extreme harm.

    I encourage you to seek your own help.
    Having a child who's done these things and faces incarceration could bring loads of secondary trauma experiences.

    You are also a victim.
    Massive hugs.

    Love EM

    2 people found this helpful
  11. Nameless1
    Nameless1 avatar
    122 posts
    29 June 2021 in reply to geoff

    Hi Geoff

    Thanks for the good advice.
    My husband and I already see a counsellor each week and it has been helpful. Some of the things we won’t know until the court case and after and how he copes but we are getting some ideas formulated as best we can from what a few others on other threads commented on. However unfortunately those people don’t paste any more and other people haven’t commented . I was hoping for more interaction like there had between a few of the mothers.
    I was hoping sunflower 62 would reply but I might go in search of another thread.

    many thanks for your encouragement

    Nameless1

    1 person found this helpful
  12. geoff
    Life Member
    • Awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    geoff avatar
    15298 posts
    29 June 2021 in reply to Nameless1

    Hello Nameless, if you type Sunflower62 in the search bar above this will bring her other comments and replies.

    Can I ask how you think you'll be able to handle your son when he is released?

    Take care.

    Geoff.

    1 person found this helpful
  13. Nameless1
    Nameless1 avatar
    122 posts
    30 June 2021 in reply to Nameless1

    Hi Geoff

    I don’t know how we will handle him when he is released. He is in remand and depends whether he still has more sentence It will depend on how he has changed… for the better or worse . He went in with PTSD which caused the problems he went in for. Our doctor empathised the need for looking after ourselves. Last year in COVD it was hard, but we did .. I Will mention this in a bother post as this one is long enough

    Not knowing about release and the conditions we started to look up stuff on the internet so we could be realistic of the issues. Also other mums in threads have written a bit… the challenges of getting work, routines, friends, fitting back in the family, living arrangements if he doesn’t want to live at home, and suicide attempts and reoffending have been mentioned too.

    We looked up services that offer help and support to released prisoners ..Salvation Army, Prisoner fellowship, Anglicare etc.

    We looked up rehab places of he needs that.

    we read through the VACRO site and resources pages on suggestions.

    Things like setting boundaries for work and money and contributing if he lives at home. How to help

    If he needs to live away from home.
    However we know he has want to help himself and as well as being guided by him we have to set the boundaries so that things don’t go back to what they were.

    All things we have READ about,but what is actually good and works and what will he actually want to do.
    Is there a person who will guide us or is it left up to us?

    It is overwhelming. We have become stronger and more resilient, but this is another major step and still more overwhelming as we have never dealt with this before: We know it can start out well and fall in a heap. Mental health was a problem before sow what will he be like now? and
    how will he judge what we have and haven’t done?

    We need help but the privacy issues are hard … though here I am spitting it all out here … so I hope it is private!!

    We did ask if he has done any courses to prepare him and he said they are mainly for sentences people.
    We know we shouldn’t worry and try not …except for a little bit of the day so we can talk through things. However we love him and he is in our thoughts all day .. because he is and we miss the him.

    thanks again

    Nameless1

    1 person found this helpful
  14. geoff
    Life Member
    • Awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    geoff avatar
    15298 posts
    30 June 2021 in reply to Nameless1

    Hello Nameless, it must be very difficult for you to express your concerns because I'm sure they would be a worry for you, and it doesn't matter how resilient you feel you have become, it's a completely different situation, now, while he's still locked up to when he's released because the dynamics can change considerably, especially for you and your husband who have to talk with him, face to face, wondering whether what you say is going to help him or not.

    I know you have said you love him and that's lovely and really hope this is also reciprocated, but now, unfortunately, you are caught between believing what he tells you and what the court findings have indicated, but he's your son and would undoubtedly understand what he says, I'd be in the same position if I was in your situation, but maybe asking questions to myself or with your husband.

    All you can do at this stage is try and direct him into seeking help or joining one of these courses and if I can suggest, and I mean no harm by saying this, so please don't take it that way, all I wanted to say is just be careful about how much money is lent and really hope you want to continue this conversation.

    Best wishes.

    Geoff.

    2 people found this helpful
  15. Nameless1
    Nameless1 avatar
    122 posts
    2 July 2021 in reply to geoff

    Hi Geoff

    Of course I want to continue this conversation. I appreciate any advice and reflection as sometimes as a parent we see our children with rose colour glasses and we need to be more honest with ourselves and not quite so generous. Yes it much easier to plan with him not here. I know from other threads the reality, but that it will be a different story actually experiencing it …,untravelled waters!!
    We have already had to deal
    with what he said versus evidence ‘… very hard.
    You summed it up well “especially for you and your husband who have to talk with him, face to face, wondering whether what you say is going to help him or not.” and I will add.. how he will respond!!
    We want to set boundaries but not sure when where and how we address them . Obviously he will have comments and opinions too.
    Thanks for the money advice… and please feel free to give more advice on that area if you have experience in that area!!

    Thanks again!!

    Nameless1

    1 person found this helpful
  16. geoff
    Life Member
    • Awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    geoff avatar
    15298 posts
    3 July 2021 in reply to Nameless1

    Hello Nameless, I will get back to you but it may not be straight away, I'm sorry and really pleased you want to keep going.

    What he says while he's locked up will be different to what he says once released, and for him to go against the court evidence puts you and your husband in a very difficult position to whether you agree with him, but when it's only you and hubby together, talk about what the court has decided and whether you agree with the decision, makes communication between you and your son so hard to know what to do.

    You don't know how he is going to respond when he's with you and when he's left and that's definitely a concerning worry because you are unsure what may happen in the future and if his mental health is going to dominant or his annoyance at being locked up will eventually show, both of these are major worries.

    If he wants to take revenge then trying to get him any help with a doctor/psychologist may not prove to be a positive reaction by him.

    I know he is your son and please excuse me for saying this, but the law enforcement won't be able to do anything unless he actually does it, hopefully, this doesn't happen, however, if he threatens any harm to himself then you can call the police, who will take him to a hospital for his own protection and be prescribed medication, which may help him, but he may be told to continue taking the medication once he's left, that's the difficult part.

    With the money, he could tell you reasons why he needs it, which may sound to be genuine, but in fact not the truth, sorry, and if you ask to see any documents, there will be a reason why he doesn't have them.

    I feel very sorry for being in this situation and hope to hear back from you.

    I'm around early in the morning and that's the best time for me to contact you.

    Geoff.

    3 people found this helpful
  17. geoff
    Life Member
    • Awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    geoff avatar
    15298 posts
    3 July 2021 in reply to Nameless1

    Hello Nameless, I have replied it's waiting on moderation.

    Geoff.

    2 people found this helpful
  18. Nameless1
    Nameless1 avatar
    122 posts
    5 July 2021 in reply to geoff

    Hi Geoff

    Heard from lawyer who is speaking with our son tomorrow, as well as forensic psychologist to address what has lead up to this predicament. We speak to the lawyer tomorrow again.

    Lawyer also wants a letter of support as hopes to get a CCO for him so busy trying to work out how to write that!!

    Also working on a plan for post release whenever it happens .. using all the advice we have here and from VACRO … and a few other organisations . Yours was the most realistic and practical to be honest

    many thanks for your replies.

    Nameless 1

  19. geoff
    Life Member
    • Awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    geoff avatar
    15298 posts
    5 July 2021 in reply to Nameless1

    Hello Nameless, I was laying in bed last night and suddenly thought of your comments as I'm also thinking about doing this myself, to either put cameras up outside your/my house or an alarm system that is triggered by any movement in the house as there have been some burglaries in my area.

    It all depends on how your son feels about VACRO and/or CCO and may go along with their ideas to begin with but then reject them, if for some reason, and I hope this doesn't happen for you and your hubby, because if he is caught doing something he shouldn't be doing again, then 2 to 1 on he is probably guilty when he was first caught, sorry.

    I'm not sure whether the legal system is paying for the lawyer or whether you are providing the funds, but if I can suggest that you try not to drain all your retirement funds and if he isn't getting legal aid then perhaps he should be seeking their help, I know how you feel about your son but you have spent a lifetime saving for a comfortable future.

    I hope I haven't upset you by saying any of this, I'm only trying to look after you.

    Geoff.

    2 people found this helpful
  20. Nameless1
    Nameless1 avatar
    122 posts
    6 July 2021 in reply to geoff

    Hi Geoff

    Good idea about the camera!!
    Regarding his plea, he decided to plead guilty but due to the lead up to events with different difficult circumstances in his life he agreed to use a forensic psychologist tohelp explain his behaviour and get more help . Don’t know how that will play out either. Not in our hands but there to support him when we can within boundaries. .
    Will keep an eye on financial commitment to him. Wise words

    thanks again

    Nameless1

    1 person found this helpful
  21. geoff
    Life Member
    • Awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    geoff avatar
    15298 posts
    6 July 2021 in reply to Nameless1

    Hello Nameless, the forensic psychologist costs aren't going to be cheap and it all depends on what he's been charged with and whether the magistrate believes what they say is viable, considering what he's actually done.

    Just be careful about what he may ask you to pay, as this can add up very quickly and may seem to be helping him to be released early, but once he's out, all that you have paid may be flushed away and mean nothing.

    A psychologist may be able to help someone facing their first court case, but if a person has been prosecuted before the magistrate won't pay any attention.

    Sorry just trying to look after you and your husband.

    Please take care.

    Geoff.

  22. Nameless1
    Nameless1 avatar
    122 posts
    7 July 2021 in reply to Nameless1

    Hi Geoff

    Thanks for the wise reply!! I’m not sure if you have read my other posts on 3 other threads about prison/jail/incarceration . I was trying to find other active sites. I talk to Croix and Borderline there but currently no one else apart from the three of you is responding. I am truly fortunate though to have 3 wise people responding . No other mums dads etc responding currently

    He has not been prosecuted before.
    Covid meant brief “appearances “ in court for mentions via AVL etc and big delays and waiting for some decisions to me made and things to do with his plea meant nothing more ever happened till now.
    He is just following lawyers advice based on looking through what caused his PTSD which impacted on why he was arrested and broke bail and ended up in remand. Just Looking at the big picture to see if this all can end in him getting the right help in the right place.
    He wasn’t eligible for Legal aid so not happy about the costs.
    Has always hated us paying for things for him so will pay himself

    Nameless1

    PS Thanks for looking out for us too and reminding us to look after ourselves.

    1 person found this helpful
  23. geoff
    Life Member
    • Awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    geoff avatar
    15298 posts
    7 July 2021 in reply to Nameless1

    Hello Nameless, I will have a look for other active sites so that you can pursue them.

    With COVID he may be lucky and not sent to gaol and this may be what his psychologist/lawyer could be aiming for.

    He has you and your husband in mind when he doesn't want you to pay, that's great and very good of him but still, be careful, this paying you back in the family, doesn't seem to happen, although, with good intentions, it's something that's forgotten about.

    It is possible to bail someone out of gaol without having to pay any money by an O.R. release which means that the court agrees to let somebody out of custody on their own recognizance without the need to post bail.

    I may be able to find something for you but can you please give me 30 minutes or so, you might not even be up just yet, but will do my best for you.

    Geoff.

  24. geoff
    Life Member
    • Awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    geoff avatar
    15298 posts
    7 July 2021 in reply to Nameless1

    Hello Nameless, please try and google these links

    -https://www.gotocourt.com.au › legal-advice

    -https://www.probonocentre.org.au › individual › vic

    -https://www.familycourt.gov.au>fcoaweb>getting-help

    -CLCs give free legal advice and help with all kinds of legal problems. Call 1300 888 529 or search for a centre in your area at: www.clcnsw.org.au.

    -CLC stands for Community Legal Centres Australia

    -Legal Advice Hotline | 7am-midnight, 7 days | 1300 636 846

    -

    CLCs give free legal advice and help with all kinds of legal problems. Call 1300 888 529 or search for a centre in your area at: www.clcnsw.org.au.6 Oct 2020

    Need any legal help? - Ask Legal Aid NSW
    https://www.legalaid.nsw.gov.au › factsheets-and-resources



    About featured snippets•

    Feedback
    People also ask

    Where can I get free legal advice in NSW?







    Where can I get a legal question answered for free?





    Can you get free solicitors advice?





    Is NSW Legal Aid free?




    Feedback

    Legal Advice Hotline | 7am-midnight, 7 days | 1300 636 846

    https://www.gotocourt.com.au › legal-advice


    Call Our Australian Legal Advice Hotline to speak directly to a qualified Australian lawyer now. Open 7am - midnight, 7 days ... Australian Legal Advice Hotline | Open 7am-midnight, 7 days | Call: 1300 636 846. legal-advice ... Brisbane | Sydney.
    ‎Family Law · ‎Civil Law · ‎Criminal Law

    FREE Online legal Enquiry Form - Legal Advice

    -Legal Advice | Family Relationships Online 1800 050 321

    -

    CLCs give free legal advice and help with all kinds of legal problems. Call 1300 888 529 or search for a centre in your area at: www.clcnsw.org.au.6 Oct 2020

    Need any legal help? - Ask Legal Aid NSW
    https://www.legalaid.nsw.gov.au › factsheets-and-resources



    About featured snippets•

    Feedback
    People also ask

    Where can I get free legal advice in NSW?







    Where can I get a legal question answered for free?





    Can you get free solicitors advice?





    Is NSW Legal Aid free?




    Feedback

    Legal Advice Hotline | 7am-midnight, 7 days | 1300 636 846
    https://www.gotocourt.com.au › legal-advice


    Call Our Australian Legal Advice Hotline to speak directly to a qualified Australian lawyer now. Open 7am - midnight, 7 days ... Australian Legal Advice Hotline | Open 7am-midnight, 7 days | Call: 1300 636 846. legal-advice ... 2016-Golden Bridge Awards - Website of the Year - Best Web Writing/Content ... Brisbane | Sydney.
    ‎Family Law · ‎Civil Law · ‎Criminal Law

    FREE Online legal Enquiry Form - Legal Advice
    https://www.legaladvice.com.au › page=free-legal-enquiries


    Get Fast Legal Help 24/7. Complete your free legal enquiry form below. Details*. Enter details of your legal matter in this box. Law. Please Select: Accidents ...

    Contact us - Legal Aid NSW
    https://www.legalaid.nsw.gov.au › contact-us


    16 Mar 2021 — If you need legal assistance call the free legal help line LawAccess NSW on 1300 888 529 for information about your legal problem and contact ...

    Links to Legal Help in NSW - Australian Pro Bono Centre
    https://www.probonocentre.org.au › individual › nsw


    Option 3: Community Legal Centres. Contact your nearest Community Legal Centre (CLC) for: Free online legal information; Free legal advice representation in ...

    Legal assistance in NSW | Community Legal Centres NSW
    https://www.clcnsw.org.au › NSW_legal_assistance


    LawAccess NSW is the best place to start to resolve a legal problem in NSW. It is a free government telephone service that provides legal information, advice ...

    Legal Advice | Family Relationships Online
    https://www.familyrelationships.gov.au › legal-advice


    The Family Relationship Advice Line 1800 050 321 can refer you to a service that can provide free information and simple advice about family law.

    Free legal advice | Victoria Legal Aid (see if this helps, maybe or maybe not)

    -https://www.legalaid.vic.gov.au › free-legal-advice

    get help online with legal help chat. You can also call us to get help over the phone about the law and to find out how we can help you. This service is free ...


    24 hour Free Sydney Criminal Lawyer Hotline - Australian ...
    https://www.acfl.com.au › 24-hour-criminal-lawyers-sy...


    Criminal lawyers in Sydney available 24-7. If you are in need of urgent legal advice, call our free 24-Hour Criminal Lawyer Sydney Hotline now on 1300SILENT ...

    -Did you know you can access free legal advice in Australia

    If any of these are not in your State, then they will be able to refer you to the State you are in, good luck and please let me know how you get on.

    Geoff.

    1 person found this helpful
  25. Nameless1
    Nameless1 avatar
    122 posts
    7 July 2021 in reply to geoff

    Hi Geoff,

    Just a quick reply to say thankyou!!
    Busy day so will chat later

    Nameless 1

  26. geoff
    Life Member
    • Awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    geoff avatar
    15298 posts
    8 July 2021 in reply to Nameless1

    Hello Nameless, no worries.

    I probably over swamped you with too many links, sorry.

    Geoff.

    1 person found this helpful
  27. Nameless1
    Nameless1 avatar
    122 posts
    11 July 2021 in reply to geoff

    Hi Geoff

    You didn’t swamp me with too many links. Thanks for those.

    We have been busy getting ready…reading through lots of things to prepare ourselves for whenever he comes home. His case is being held shortly. His lawyer went over the various scenarios of what could happen but won’t know till the case is held, so we have been reading up things so we can plan some things we can do.
    It is a bit of a waiting game… what will happen, will he get more sentenced beyond time served, or will he come out, will he live at home or somewhere else , will he get CCO or something else? Will he continue with his positive attitude he seems to have or struggle to keep routine and activities. Will he get work, and how about friends? . While there he had work and study and a gym and in the common areas they cook together and play cards after his day is finished . They can’t resist doing what they are asked to do.
    So many unknowns as the day creeps closer.
    Thanks for keeping in contact though no one else replies!!
    Nameless1

  28. geoff
    Life Member
    • Awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    geoff avatar
    15298 posts
    11 July 2021 in reply to Nameless1

    Hello Nameless, it must seem like a bottomless pit, not knowing what's going to happen and how will he respond, the trouble is no one knows, he may have a tough magistrate or he may be lucky and have someone willing to give him another chance and the lawyer may already know who is going to be on duty, and if he, unfortunately, gets a tough magistrate then the lawyer may want to opt out for another day, which he is allowed to do for the good of your son.

    Just remember anything you feel might suit him once he's out, he may not want to do it for his own personal reasons, that doesn't mean you haven't tried, you are doing all the best you can think of that may benefit him, it's like asking 'how long is a piece of string', the answer is unknown at the moment, as he might want to pursue what he's been doing.

    I wonder if you could try and encourage him to meet new friends, rather than those he already knows, only because you don't know if they have caused him to go to gaol in benefitting themselves, rather than looking out for his own concerns.

    Take care.

    Geoff.

    2 people found this helpful
  29. Nameless1
    Nameless1 avatar
    122 posts
    12 July 2021 in reply to geoff

    Hi Geoff

    The resources say to “plan for his release “. Just trying to understand what that looks like then.

    He has acknowledged recently that he has put us through a lot and he will be more much more grateful for what he has in life. He doesn’t want to waste his life in prison .
    All we can do is hope

    nameless 1

  30. geoff
    Life Member
    • Awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    geoff avatar
    15298 posts
    12 July 2021 in reply to Nameless1

    Hello Nameless, it's good talking with you.

    The million dollar question 'plan for the future' is the same as when will you win tattslotto, I'm not sure that could possibly happen, because you're not sure of the result and secondly, how he's going to feel, let alone his intentions and thirdly and probably most important, how you and your husband are going to be as a result of the final decision because whatever happens, it's going to affect both of you, not only between yourselves but how your friends are going to be and these are important for you and how you can cope with what happens.

    It's good to hear what you say that he is grateful for what you have been able to achieve and what he has put you through because being in prison has no benefits what so ever.

    Did you benefit from any of those links I sent you, it may be difficult to say at the moment because you haven't approached the final result just yet.

    Take care.

    Geoff.

    1 person found this helpful

Stay in touch with us

Sign up below for regular emails filled with information, advice and support for you or your loved ones.


Sign me up