My mum 65, has always been depressed and drank and smoked all her life. After my Dad died 6 years ago, it has just got worse. Long story short, she has developed severe COPD and on oxygen 24/7, very poor mobility as well as other ailments. She has no money, on the pension and spends most of it on cigs and wine. lived with my younger sister for 2 years and they ended up hating each other as mum is difficult.
Having no where else to go, I suggested she move interstate and live with me, my hubby, and kids. I didn’t think it was going to be this challenging!!
The apathy is killing me! showers every 2nd day if that, wants her hair washed fortnightly and lives in her pjs. I try and encourage her but there’s always an excuse and she refuses.
Her days are like this:
25-30 cigs, 1-2 bottles of wine plus occasional spirit, painkillers, sedatives. She sits outside and does this, starting at around 10am, most days she’s just miserable . I wash her clothes, cook dinner, feed and wash her dog, clean her room.
I myself work full time as a nurse, and do the usual family stuff. I feel so overwhelmed. She doesn’t help to do anything- she can’t because of her COPD, everything is exhausting for her. Won’t even put her dishes in the dishwasher, I asked her to do this simple thing and I’m met with reasons why she can’t.
I love her but I’m starting to feel resentment. My hubby and kids are so patient. I was just about to leave to attend our daughters grad ceremony when she informs me she only has 4 cigs left. I said I’ll be back in a couple of hours and to space them out. She had a complete meltdown and told me that I should have known she was low, that I didn’t understand her addictions and ended with “your supposed to be my carer”.
She didn’t care about her granddaughter ‘s ceremony, only the cigs. She admitted that she doesn’t give a shit about herself, that she’s f”cked in the head and dying. She been dying for 3 years now. Has threatened and attempted to kill herself numerous times over the years.
I hate watching her live like this! She used to be such a funny lady who cared what she looked like and cared a lot about her friends and family. Hardly anyone contacts her as their calls go unanswered, and the conversations are all doom and gloom about her ailing health. I also don’t know how this will affect my kids and marriage. She has nowhere else to go, especially where she can smoke and drink to her hearts content, no rules or boundaries.
Advice welcome please!