It is so wonderful you have reached out to the Beyond Blue community at a time that as a parent is terrifying and frustrating, we all want to "fix" our kids and be in a position to make all their problems and issues go away and when we cant it is debilitating. Especially for you seeing that you are far from your daughter that too would be stressful as you can't physically be right beside her.
As you know, people with borderline personality disorder have difficulties in controlling their emotions and relating to people. We all do see the world very differently but a person with BPD has an abnormally distorted view of themselves and their environment. They don’t feel comfortable in themselves, and they can find everyday life, like what other people do and say, very upsetting. So in saying all that I can see why your daughter would feel really worried and upset about making that text/call to her manager. However in saying that you are absolutely right in that she does have to live with this and has to find ways to be able to make these calls and function as you cannot do this for her. Perhaps a call to her to address this situation and to try to again focus on the emotion rather than the act of messaging or on the task itself. I hope that she can see that you do care and are coming from a place of love. I am by no means a professional on any of this, these are just my thoughts.
It is so wonderful she is excited to start her programme and hopefully this will give her some tools to manage these sorts of life situations.
I can hear how hard this is for you as you want so much to help your daughter and do things to make her happy, it is so very hard. I think something that might be helpful is to try to focus on her emotions rather than on her words and just try to be supportive in how she is feeling. Also I hope you can take care of you too, perhaps a support group would be a really big help for you and your family too.
I am not sure if I have been able to help you LesleyT but we are here to chat and to help you through this time.
Huge hugs to you