I am new to this forum and I am not sure if I am in the right place. I just need to get this of my chest and hope to get some advice on how to proceed.
My partner of 12 month has recently opened up about him dealing with depression. He has been on medication for about 6 months until he suddenly stopped without any help from his doctor. A few months later he was not able to cope any longer. He has been in a real dark place, talking about suicide, being angry and agitated, abusing alcohol and drugs.
He went back to the doctor and started taking medication again.He has been taken them for over 2 month now but he seems to be getting worse. I have been trying to encourage him to also go and talk to someone. I am worried and scared and don't know where to start. I am trying to be supportive, understanding, give him space when he needs it but also show him that I am here if he wants me to be. He says he loves me and I am the only good thing in his life but that he hates how he lowers the quality of my life, that I deserve so much better and that he doesn't understand how I can love such a looser.
I am just confused about what is the disease and what might be his character?
Last weekend we had a great time away watching a band,...suddenly, like every time when we seem to go away for a weekend getaway or anything fun, he gets angry with me, starts picking on me, followed by how much he hates himself and that I deserve better and he sees everybody wanting me and he doesn't know why I am with him. I try to assure him that I love him, that I am here for him and that his depression is making him feel this way, it can be cured and that I believe in him and his recovery...
He then left in a rage going on a 24hrs bender. He texted me at some point that he understands if its over but he needs to know that I am ok..he later arrived at my place at 5am in the morning drunk, on drugs and telling me how sorry he is and that he doesn't want to loose me. He told me he went to a bar drinking, chatting to people etc..and then I my alarm bells went off...what if he needs to get female attention to make himself feel better?.. what if he gets so drunk etc that he does stupid stuff like cheating or THE worst, trying to take his life like he said so many times before...
I don't know what I expect from this post, I just feel scared for his life and selfish enough to just fear loosing him!
Thank you for listening and thank you for people like you all xx