I don't know if I clicked with the therapist but it was a really good appointment. I'm going to keep going to appointments with her. I definitely have plans about new things I want to do. I also have support from the friend I mentioned earlier, the guy who's ex ghosted him. It helps a lot. I have weekly dnd, support from other friends and so on. I know that I need to spend time with friends otherwise I will get sucked into a downwards spiral.
Just gotta keep moving on. I'm also going to make a bucket list of things I want to do because I think that might help a bit.
Nothing wrong with being blunt. We definitely made it clear that we'll keep talking and spending time together. But as friends. We were really good friends before the relationship and I'd like that to continue. So hopefully we won't drift apart. I will do my best to make sure we don't drift apart.
Yea reshuffling and re-configuring my social life. I'd admit it's weird knowing that he's not gonna be this central person in my life anymore. Since I've gotten so used to it.
Also I wrote him a thing which i might send tomorrow or in a few days or whenever feels right. I don't know. We'll see.
It says that if he's done some healing in the future, like in 5 years or 3 and wants to restart or retry, that I'm A okay with that. And I also included that no matter what happens in the future that I'll be his friend and continue to support him and that I've got his back.
I admit that I'm scared that he'll tell me he doesn't love me or that there is no way he wants a relationship in the future. I just want him to tell me that he loves me and that's it's all gonna be alright. But I know that's just part of the healing process and I'll stop thinking those things as I start to move on. And with the "no way he wants a relationship part", I shouldn't get my hopes up but whatever happens, the future is not static. Things change. What people want change and so on.
To be honest, I'm not too keen on getting into another relationship with a new person. Not because of him. But because I tend not to be romantically or sexually interested in people and he was an exception. And also everything is still very very raw.
As I move on, I'll probably realize that I'm happy with a friendship even though right now I want more than a friendship. Right now, things are gonna be raw and that's okay. We'll definitely give each other space if it's needed (which it definitely will be needed).