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Topic: Help needed

  1. Unsure77
    Unsure77 avatar
    144 posts
    17 July 2021 in reply to Guest9337

    I have tried blocking my number on a SMS but it didn't work.

    i guess if she blocks me I have my answer on if she wants to work things out

  2. Guest9337
    Guest9337 avatar
    1001 posts
    17 July 2021 in reply to Unsure77

    Ah my friend, come into my office, please sit down and have a whiskey with me.

    carefully sign up for skype, by providing skype with minimal or diversionary details during registration, add some money to your skype account using a creditcard/gift card you paid cash for, and send the sms.

    1 person found this helpful
  3. Unsure77
    Unsure77 avatar
    144 posts
    17 July 2021 in reply to Guest9337

    Ahh very nice,

    ive done it with pay phone so it's a different number. I think I should wait for the letter, but the worry is will she move on before that

  4. Guest9337
    Guest9337 avatar
    1001 posts
    17 July 2021 in reply to Unsure77

    Preparation, assets, opportunity, objective.

    Hypothetically, A letter in todays covid climate will take anywhere from 1 day to 7 days to be delivered by aussie post, approximately. U could likely firm that estimation up by contacting the mail carrier for their estimation.

    So maybe, if you had the safe skype account ready for a particular day to open a safe line of communication just before, or just after the letter might arrive... Well that's a way to continue with negotiations from safety.

    1 person found this helpful
  5. Unsure77
    Unsure77 avatar
    144 posts
    17 July 2021 in reply to Guest9337
    Or until I can set up that Skype account send a message from a phone box telling her I miss her and love her, sure I will get an email from her as she knows my email
  6. Unsure77
    Unsure77 avatar
    144 posts
    17 July 2021 in reply to Guest9337
    Should I go to a pay phone for now to let her know how much I miss her until I can set up the Skype account?
    1 person found this helpful
  7. Guest9337
    Guest9337 avatar
    1001 posts
    17 July 2021 in reply to Unsure77

    Interesting question from the military strategy point of view.

    What might you gain if the phone call goes perfectly? What does perfect look like?

    What might you loose if the phone call goes badly, like the worst it could go? What's that look like?

    Risk assessment.

  8. Unsure77
    Unsure77 avatar
    144 posts
    17 July 2021 in reply to Guest9337

    Goes badly... She may not answer, she may be with somebody else she will be angry I have the number and change it. But I guess I know where I stand.

    as for positive I'm unsure what that will be.

  9. Guest9337
    Guest9337 avatar
    1001 posts
    17 July 2021 in reply to Unsure77

    I'll make up a few possibilities to help.

    She may do any or all of what you've already posted.

    She may say, I'm with someone else get stuffed.

    She may say, I'm with someone else - I'll leave them for you.

    She may say, I'm still single, get stuffed.

    She may say, Get stuffed.

    She may say, I'm remorseful lets get back together, but keep everything MY way.

    She may say, I'm really missing you, how can I get you back?

    She may say, I've won the lottery, I'm coming over with my new car and boyfriend... to ....?

    There's a few exhaustive options to consider.

    1 person found this helpful
  10. Guest9337
    Guest9337 avatar
    1001 posts
    17 July 2021 in reply to Guest9337

    And the thing is with DV situations and military strategy, one always has to consider if the other person is going to be honest in what they say with what they intend to do.

    So...

    She may say, oh wow, I'm really sweet with you coming round, how about tonight it's a quiet night at home. Do you want to come over... And actually be setting a physical trap.

    So ya gotta consider think/feel and weigh that all up too.

    1 person found this helpful
  11. Unsure77
    Unsure77 avatar
    144 posts
    17 July 2021 in reply to Guest9337

    All the times I have left it has all been about I'm not leaving with nothing from her. She has taken allot of money from my account when I have left.

    i was just going to text for now from pay phone so she knows how much I still miss and love her, I guess until she gets the letter

  12. Unsure77
    Unsure77 avatar
    144 posts
    17 July 2021 in reply to Guest9337
    Yeah I have thought of that, she hasn't been overly honest in the past with a lot of things and says she is brutally honest and my self a prolific liar
  13. Guest9337
    Guest9337 avatar
    1001 posts
    17 July 2021 in reply to Unsure77

    Ok. So assessments again.

    text from pay phone, something like, Hello this is Unsure77/realname, I miss you and love you. I have sent you a letter by mail.

    What does that achieve? Relative to her just receiving the letter?

    She might respond with fear from an unknown sms.

    She might respond with a feeling of anticpating the letter.

    She might respond by ramping herself up with anxiety, who is this, who is pretending they are ___, I better prepare for another fight with ____, how does the smser know my number?

    She might...?

    1 person found this helpful
  14. Guest9337
    Guest9337 avatar
    1001 posts
    17 July 2021 in reply to Unsure77
    Unsure77 said:

    All the times I have left it has all been about I'm not leaving with nothing from her. She has taken allot of money from my account when I have left.

    That's useful too... Does She still have access to that account?

    Maybe you could withdraw your money from that account and Close it.

    OR.

    You could withdraw all your money from that account, except say $50, or whatever u can afford. And use that account like an olive branch in a sms.

    Hi SHE, I have left $50 in our mutual account for you to have if you need, I miss you, I love you, I've sent you a letter. Unsure77.

    Maybe add conditionals. I miss you but I am scared of you, I love you enough to try to come back but need to feel safe all the time.

    1 person found this helpful
  15. Unsure77
    Unsure77 avatar
    144 posts
    17 July 2021 in reply to Guest9337
    I would let her know it's me, then tell her I miss her and love her, but yes it probably will get her anxiety going. And to do it before the letter gets there is me being impatient and hoping she hasn't met anybody else. But because I was the one that walked out would that see me as being manipulative?
  16. Unsure77
    Unsure77 avatar
    144 posts
    17 July 2021 in reply to Guest9337
    It was my account, i sent her 100$ yesterday with the description of I miss you so much. I haven't heard anything back though
  17. Guest9337
    Guest9337 avatar
    1001 posts
    17 July 2021 in reply to Unsure77

    Unsure77 said:I would let her know it's me, then tell her I miss her and love her, but yes it probably will get her anxiety going. And to do it before the letter gets there is me being impatient and hoping she hasn't met anybody else. But because I was the one that walked out would that see me as being manipulative?

    Honesty is never manipulation, because honesty is scrupulous...

    manipulation = exercising unscrupulous control or influence over a person or situation.

    Communication doesn't necessarily exercise control, especially if you are speaking in conditions about both of your choices.

    1 person found this helpful
  18. Unsure77
    Unsure77 avatar
    144 posts
    17 July 2021 in reply to Guest9337
    I am afraid she will flip it because I know her new number
  19. Unsure77
    Unsure77 avatar
    144 posts
    17 July 2021 in reply to Guest9337
    She always called me manipulative but I never once tried to control her or make her do anything, it was always the other way around which I have read and heard that's what can happen with some bi polar people
  20. Guest9337
    Guest9337 avatar
    1001 posts
    17 July 2021 in reply to Unsure77

    Ok.

    How many times are you prepared to feel rejection for extending an olive branch?

    Also, every gift can do various things in the negotiation.

    On receiving the $100 she might, rethink her position about you/ the situation.

    She might, feel like she is being emotionally manipulated.

    She might, be very grateful for the cash, but still want no contact.

    She might, see how much you want her and decide she has all the power and wants you back to keep DV'ing you.

    She might, give the money away to charity because she doesn't want anything from you at all.

    She might, ...?

    1 person found this helpful
  21. Unsure77
    Unsure77 avatar
    144 posts
    17 July 2021 in reply to Guest9337

    I will probably be told I am emotionally manipulating her even though it's honestly how I feel about her. I sent the message so what ever happens from here happens.

    i said I sent 100 yesterday it was the last of what I had and I miss and love her much.

  22. Unsure77
    Unsure77 avatar
    144 posts
    17 July 2021 in reply to Guest9337
    We'll i m sure she will say emotionally manipulating her. I sent the message say I sent her $100 yesterday was last of what I had and I miss and love her so much. I guess wait see. What happens from here happens
  23. Guest9337
    Guest9337 avatar
    1001 posts
    17 July 2021 in reply to Unsure77

    Technically if we offer people options along the way, including the option to make their own options, then we truly aren't manipulating them.

    Ok, so plan on that response then.

    You reached out an $100 olive branch and the response from SHE is something like : you are manipulating me, stop that.

    So you stop that and have your surety.

    or SHE says, you are manipulating me, why are you doing that?

    So you tell her. I've told you already, I love you, I miss you I want us back together, but I need to be safe and I need to connect with my kids and keep them safe.

    or SHE says, honey that's sweet lets get back together come around right now. (Whilst planning a trap)

    She might say, wow, that's really honest, __________...

    She might say, you're manipulating me but I need another $100!

    She might say....

  24. Unsure77
    Unsure77 avatar
    144 posts
    17 July 2021 in reply to Guest9337
    At a guess it will be your manipulating me why are you doing that, especially when I say that she needs to be back on her medication for us to be able to move forward.
    1 person found this helpful
  25. Guest9337
    Guest9337 avatar
    1001 posts
    17 July 2021 in reply to Unsure77

    So whilst you are waiting for contact think/feel about the likely responses...

    If She says I am manipulating her after giving her $100 and making conditions for us to get back together that include my safety and connecting with my children and HER taking medicine. then...

    I might say, You can spend that $100 on whatever you want, that's fair options for you.

    I might say, You can choose to not take your medicine, and the consequence of that is I won't come back to you.

    I might say, You are saying I am manipulating me, how can I say that I need to be safe without manipulating you?

    I might say, What is manipulation to you? I don't think I'm being manipulative because I am giving you plenty of options and speak to me about more options. What do you want to do about my alleged manipulation?

    1 person found this helpful
  26. Unsure77
    Unsure77 avatar
    144 posts
    17 July 2021 in reply to Guest9337
    That's right if she isn't prepared to take her medication and speak to a therapist I won't be going back, but I will know I have done all I can to mend this
  27. Guest9337
    Guest9337 avatar
    1001 posts
    17 July 2021 in reply to Guest9337

    Sorry there is a few errors in that last post. but I think you get it.

    I have the tour de france on now.

    Can I feel ok about not replying any more tonight?

    You ok with that?

    1 person found this helpful
  28. Unsure77
    Unsure77 avatar
    144 posts
    17 July 2021 in reply to Guest9337
    That's fine and thankyou very much for your support today
    1 person found this helpful
  29. Guest9337
    Guest9337 avatar
    1001 posts
    17 July 2021 in reply to Unsure77
    Sweet mate, I'm gonna party hard a little bit now. Love ya.
    1 person found this helpful
  30. Guest9337
    Guest9337 avatar
    1001 posts
    18 July 2021 in reply to Unsure77

    Good morning/afternoon/night my friend who is Unsure77.

    I am slowly feeling the waxing of my awakeness, so I reach out to say, my soul mate will awaken soon.

    I must find a w_y to make coffee silently.

    party hard.

    1 person found this helpful

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