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Topic: Help needed

  1. Unsure77
    Unsure77 avatar
    144 posts
    18 July 2021 in reply to Guest9337

    Morning dng

    ive had no response from the text at all not even a nasty email as yet. I am worried I have done the right thing though by trying to contact her with my family and friends.

    make sure to make that coffee quietly. Lol

    1 person found this helpful
  2. Unsure77
    Unsure77 avatar
    144 posts
    18 July 2021 in reply to Unsure77
    I do feel better/relieved I have done so
    1 person found this helpful
  3. Unsure77
    Unsure77 avatar
    144 posts
    18 July 2021 in reply to Unsure77

    I've been doing a lot of thinking this morning.

    i do miss and love her but then I think about all the bad stuff and think why am I bothering.

    Or is it just because I'm a person that can't be alone and needs a companion.

  4. Guest9337
    Guest9337 avatar
    1001 posts
    18 July 2021 in reply to Unsure77

    good morning U77.

    Abide in feel better/relieved... we worked hard yesterday, expect light to shine from within yourself today. be thankful to yourself, you are highly valuable.

    dng.

    1 person found this helpful
  5. Unsure77
    Unsure77 avatar
    144 posts
    18 July 2021 in reply to Guest9337

    Thanks dng

    i feeling very anxious she has already moved on though

  6. Guest9337
    Guest9337 avatar
    1001 posts
    18 July 2021 in reply to Unsure77

    When U77 has inclination to, then time spent on our previous work above would be highly valuable for reducing anxiety.

    We reduced yesterday, all those questions would reduce again today.

    1 person found this helpful
  7. Unsure77
    Unsure77 avatar
    144 posts
    18 July 2021 in reply to Guest9337
    Yes and if there is no reply I have my surley.
  8. Unsure77
    Unsure77 avatar
    144 posts
    18 July 2021 in reply to Guest9337
    I found a voice recording of when I had hit my all time low last month, it was very confronting listening to it.
  9. Guest9337
    Guest9337 avatar
    1001 posts
    19 July 2021 in reply to Unsure77

    Morning U77!

    I've got a few sad videos of myself too, and of my wife's reactions when I was so sad I was in psychward. Those are very very sad videos I keep but do not look at.

    Your confrontation of voice recording is incredible strength, but beware not to carry too heavy a load after so much work recently please.

    It's all your metacognitive decision, to engage, approach, background, avoid, ignore, and all the different choices are yours. Remember to balance work, play, rest.

    1 person found this helpful
  10. Unsure77
    Unsure77 avatar
    144 posts
    19 July 2021 in reply to Guest9337

    I guess I have to come to the realisation that she has moved on and wants no part of me anymore.

    i honestly thought I would of heard from her by now from that text.

  11. Guest9337
    Guest9337 avatar
    1001 posts
    19 July 2021 in reply to Unsure77

    Yo U77.

    It's good to honestly guess about coming towards realisations.

    What do ya think about my new profile pic, the rainbow cyclist?

    1 person found this helpful
  12. Unsure77
    Unsure77 avatar
    144 posts
    19 July 2021 in reply to Guest9337

    Hi dng

    I like it.

    the problem with the realisation is that I don't want it to be true

  13. Guest9337
    Guest9337 avatar
    1001 posts
    19 July 2021 in reply to Unsure77

    Yeh I like the rainbow cyclist too, it's growing on me.

    truth state is not wanted. realisation is a problem?

    idk mate, i'm a bit trippy this morning. Am i on the right track?

    I've never met nor heard of a break up that was really nice and mutually agreeable and beneficial. Mostly from what i've seen it's all rather messy.

    I have a friend who is the principle manager of a factory, like the top bloke just below the actual owners of the factory. Lets call that friend P.

    P said "Sometimes the only outcome is that both parties are not happy with the solution."

    Like everyone is just thankful it's all bloody over with.

    I paid too much for xyz. They didn't sell xyz for a profit but it was just taking up space and had to go.

    The classic, lose lose in gaming theory.

    1 person found this helpful
  14. Unsure77
    Unsure77 avatar
    144 posts
    19 July 2021 in reply to Guest9337
    I hope the realisation won't be too much of a problem, but I'm sure I will struggle with it
  15. Unsure77
    Unsure77 avatar
    144 posts
    19 July 2021 in reply to Unsure77
    I think she may have tried to call today on a private number but after I answered they hung up.
  16. Guest9337
    Guest9337 avatar
    1001 posts
    19 July 2021 in reply to Unsure77

    Hi U77. see if any of my following helps you...

    In military strategy it is useful to spoof communication by initiating contact but giving away no information. It's a sensor technique to seek out information as a response.

    Yes, U77 is answering the phone, I recognise U77's voice. Yes U77 is still on a hair trigger, lets keep them that way.

    Also known as a technique for harassing another person, because of how people respond to unsolicited phone calls that are from private numbers. Most people respond with some kind of feeling of being threatened by a call that hangs up.

    One extreme example is when one starts receiving multiple hang up calls, at random times of the day and during normal sleeping hours. IF that happens it is illegal harassment.

    1 person found this helpful
  17. Unsure77
    Unsure77 avatar
    144 posts
    19 July 2021 in reply to Guest9337

    Afternoon dng

    i didn't say anything when I answered , I wanted to see if anything was said from the caller. It happened a few days ago aswell. I wonder if she does want to say something but not sure what to say or just wants to hear my voice. We'll she should get the letter in a few days see what happens then.

  18. Guest9337
    Guest9337 avatar
    1001 posts
    19 July 2021 in reply to Unsure77

    U77.

    Risk assessment.

    SHE might be looking for a way to record your voice.

    SHE might be hoping you'll speak first.

    Might not be her! Plenty of marketers use similar dodgy tactics.

    Do you have any risks associated with your voice being recorded?

    Are you willing to speak first, hoping it's HER? What would be your opening sentence?

    1...

    2...

    etc

    1 person found this helpful
  19. Unsure77
    Unsure77 avatar
    144 posts
    19 July 2021 in reply to Guest9337

    She has my voice recorded, I will start by saying hello.

    next I really don't know depends on what's said or if answered.

    definatley could be a scam caller.

  20. Guest9337
    Guest9337 avatar
    1001 posts
    19 July 2021 in reply to Unsure77

    Ah, just "Hello".

    Some consider that one of the ultimate first olive branches! It's a solid opening statement.

    I'm here, I greet you, I'm listening.

    Some conflicts get so heightened that even who should speak first is a bone of contention, because of perceptions about first and second.

    I might say : Hello, I'm listening and would love to hear your voice.

    I might say : Hello, I wish you would speak.

    I might say : Hello, I'm waiting.

    I might say : Hello. ...

    If you said Hello, what used to be the response SHE made?

    1 person found this helpful
  21. Unsure77
    Unsure77 avatar
    144 posts
    19 July 2021 in reply to Guest9337

    Depends on her mood it could be hi back or what have you been up to who have you been with or even why did you leave. who have you been speaking to or how did you get my number.

  22. Unsure77
    Unsure77 avatar
    144 posts
    19 July 2021 in reply to Guest9337
    I would also ask if she is ok and tell her I have missed her
  23. Guest9337
    Guest9337 avatar
    1001 posts
    19 July 2021 in reply to Unsure77

    In negotiations giving up position for free is believed to be a poor tactic.

    So any and all emotions or sorries or apologies all lessen ones "bargaining power".

    SHE might think, Ah great you are missing me heaps, I want you back just as things were with me in charge and u submissive! and then SAY "Lets make up."

    SHE might think/say, yeh fair enough I'm missing you too, lets ...

    How would you ascertain HER intentions?

    1 person found this helpful
  24. Unsure77
    Unsure77 avatar
    144 posts
    19 July 2021 in reply to Guest9337
    With her saying yeah fair enough I would see that as things aren't going to change and she isn't interested in negotiating moving forward
    1 person found this helpful
  25. Guest9337
    Guest9337 avatar
    1001 posts
    19 July 2021 in reply to Unsure77

    SHE says : "fair enough", U77 thinks she means static position, she's not interested in negotiating forward.

    If SHE means what I think "fair enough" means then > Well, actually fair enough is a good position for both of you, because you all get to decide on what is "fair enough".

    I think those words are actually an olive branch, implying... I hear you, I'm listening, I accept what you've said.

    From there what is the next round of possible communicative sentences?

    1 person found this helpful
  26. Unsure77
    Unsure77 avatar
    144 posts
    19 July 2021 in reply to Guest9337

    I would also tell her that things need to change and be negotiated for both of us to be happy in order for it to work.

    Hope she is interested in doing such a thing.

    1 person found this helpful
  27. Guest9337
    Guest9337 avatar
    1001 posts
    19 July 2021 in reply to Unsure77

    U77. Yep that's all very good stuff.

    Tell = change things. Negotiation for mutual happiness. Hope in her interested participation.

    By "Tell" you are taking a firm stance on these particular things, and you'll have to define those things really explicitly or increase risk of stress/harm.

    Not just, "I need to see my kids." That's not strong enough.

    One might say "I need to see my kids, and I will have two phones and you are not permitted to interfere with my two phones or this _________ will happen. I hope we can both agree this is fair enough."

  28. Unsure77
    Unsure77 avatar
    144 posts
    19 July 2021 in reply to Guest9337
    I definatley think she would ask if I have been with or spoken to any other women and say I was lying or she didn't trust me without going through my phone.
  29. Unsure77
    Unsure77 avatar
    144 posts
    19 July 2021 in reply to Guest9337

    The other thing she may say is you have hurt me so much by walking out again when I needed you.

    i listened to that voice recording again today, she didn't even sound upset at any stage, at one stage she even got angry at me wether it was because I was catching her out on what she was saying or because it wasn't going the way she wanted it to go. Don't get me wrong I wasn't being overly informative either and quite abrupt.

  30. Guest9337
    Guest9337 avatar
    1001 posts
    19 July 2021 in reply to Unsure77

    Certain = SHE ask/demand to check phone, accuse lying.

    Maybe something like...

    Thank you SHE, i will not accept your preference to go through my phone, I will not negotiate on this. If you are unable to accept my privacy about my phone, then it's all over, thanks for all the good times.

    Thank you SHE for telling me you believe I am lying. If you choose to continue to tell me you believe I am lying about this matter, please observe me and my phones vacating this negotiation. Thank you for all the good times, goodbye.

    Are a few options.

    Every time the other tries to diminish your "bargaining power" reject their attempt as politely as possible.

    1 person found this helpful

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