Topic: Husband at crisis point

Im new here but feeling very out of my depth and hoping for some supportive words from those who have been here before.
My husband has been having issues for quite some time, our family has encountered some pretty traumatic losses over the last 5-6 years and his way of dealing with things has been to literally through himself into work and essentially make himself as busy as he possibly can. However things had been getting steadily worse over the last couple weeks with several friends and family starting to also get very worried before he finally crashed at the beginning of the week.
I made him an appointment with the gp who wanted him sent to hospital and ended up keeping him in the surgery for a good 2+ hours before allowing him to come home on a trial basis provided he doesn't drive (suicidal thoughts) and daily appointments with her.
Since home I'm having to physically supervise his medication usage and he has now decided he was just having a couple bad days and it's all a lot of fuss over nothing. Saying that though at today's appointment the moment we got to the drs he shut down, started shaking, couldn't string his words together and was a complete mess, then tried to deny it all 10 minutes after we left.
Im not a complete stranger to mental health issues, our daughter has severe anxiety and I lost my dad to suicide 3 years ago and while I'm thankful he at least is getting help I'm terrified it won't be enough, or that I'll crack under the pressure and I even found myself hiding his tablets earlier today when I had to duck out of the house briefly.
We have been told it could be a minimum of 3 weeks before we start seeing improvements and thats provided this first choice of medications actually work for him, so any words of advice to help me get through this first stage? Noting he doesn't want anyone to know and while I don't agree (especially in regards to his mum who would be incredibly supportive) I want to respect those wishes so other than his work who witnessed the crash and my boss, so I had flexibility no one else knows so limited real life people to lean on at the moment.

Hey Crocsnap,

Welcome to our friendly community, we're really grateful that you decided to reach out here for support, as we know it can be tough to do this for the first time. We are so sorry to hear what you and your husband have been through over the past 5-6 years, and we can hear that things have been especially difficult during the past couple of weeks. We think it's such a great step, and so important that you helped him reach out for help from the GP, and we can really hear the love and concern that you have for your husband. Please know that you've come to a safe space to talk about these thoughts and feelings and our wonderful community is here to offer as much support and advice as you need.

If you feel up to it, we'd also recommend getting in touch with our Support Service which is available 24/7 on 1300 22 4636 or you can visit on our website www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport for online chat. One of our friendly counsellors will be able to give you some information and advice to help you and your husband. 

Our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) and Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467) are also available to you anytime, night or day, to talk things through during overwhelming moments.

We hope that you can find some comfort in the kind words from our community, and please feel free to keep us updated on your journey here on your thread whenever you feel up to it.
 

hi and welcome to the forums.

this must be a very stressful, challenging and scary time for you. And it sounds like you are doing everything you can do in being supportive to your husband. I can see how concerned you are in your post, and how much you love him. Plus being caught in a bind of doing it yourself as he does not want anyone else knowing.

when my dad had issues last year both he and mum would go and see the GP together. The GP always asked mum how she was coping with everything that was going on. While I am unsure of what advice you are looking for, or the situation your husband is in while at home, I can still listen to you tell of your the thoughts and concerns. Some of the advice you might also be able to get from your GP.

I could point you to other sites on support, but I think taking up the offer from Sophie_M for a chat would be best and maybe give you some peace of mind.

Either way, I am also here to listen.

Tim

Hi Crocsnap, welcome to the forums.

Really sorry that you and your husband have been through so much these last years. I'm new here too, but I've had a lot of experience dealing with depression on both sides of the coin. First, seeking help is so important and its great that you've made the first step. Your GP sounds pretty on top of things so you will probably get a referral to a good psychiatrist and psychologist for your husband soon.

However, this can be a long and stressful journey and it's important that you set up your own support structure so you can stay well enough to help him and continue to care for your daughter(children?). Consider making an appointment with a psychologist yourself to start- nowadays you can find some who will do online appointments if you feel worried about being away from home more.

I know it's really hard to do, but I think you should consider telling your very closest friends and family about the situation. This will open up more support for you both and they probably already half-know there is a big problem at this point, especially his mother. If you are worried about your husband's reaction, you can ask them to act casual and offer support to you or 'the family' rather than confronting him with their knowledge.

Unfortunately, I think your instinct to hide the medication is totally correct. If your husband is having suicidal thoughts and your GP has suggested hospitalisation, you should keep things like the medication, car keys etc either hidden or with you to remove a source of danger and temptation. There's also the chance that he might throw out the medication if he sees it at the wrong time. I would also seriously consider finding somewhere else for your daughter(children) to stay during this initial crisis period

This is such a challenging and wrenching thing to go through, but you've already done so many things right and your love and supportiveness is so obvious in your words. Remember that you have a lot of support available for you too and don't be afraid to reach out whether here or on a hotline.