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Topic: I'm really scared to say the wrong thing...

3 posts, 0 answered
  1. France22
    France22 avatar
    1 posts
    19 February 2019

    I'm struggling with words.

    I need him, I need his strength, I'm not adept at being the sensitive one...

    I actually don't know what to say to him. I'm scared.

    I've asked him to get help. (He said he will...)

    the signs have been there for such a long time, we have tip toed around the D word for a few years.

    All I can do is listen, I have no words of wisdom for him , no magic wand, no solution.

    Is there a reference publication for communicating correctly? Something I can read that will help avoid making it worse?

    Positive affirmations seem weak and not at all helpful.

    The old "hang in there kitty" sign keeps popping up in my head.. So inappropriate.

  2. white knight
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    white knight avatar
    8236 posts
    19 February 2019 in reply to France22

    Hi, welcome

    I have a few ideas but bare in mind that some people are stubborn and wont get help.

    Firstly, you can tell him you are going to your GP to discuss his depression..."I want you to come with me please". If he doesn't, go anyway.

    Second, if you think family counseling can help do the same thing. But, if he asks how is it going with your counselor don't tell him. If he really wants to know then he can attend.

    Thirdly, in times of dispute please read the following thread I wrote. This really works if you both stick to the rules.

    Google

    Beyondblue topic relationship strife? the peace pipe

    Also

    Beyondblue topic does stubbornness have a place?

    Beyondbue topic your attitude is not a mental illness

    I hope they help.repost if you like.

    TonyWK

    2 people found this helpful
  3. romantic_thi3f
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    romantic_thi3f avatar
    2715 posts
    20 February 2019 in reply to France22

    Hi France22,

    Welcome to the forums and thanks for being here.

    As awful as it is, sometimes we will make it worse when we talk and it can be so hard to try and make it better. Having been through depression and a partner with depression too I really do see both sides. Sometimes there's a sense of helplessness because there aren't any words that can make it better.

    Please know that often just being there, even if it's in silence can be very helpful. Or asking them what is it that they'd find helpful and need you to say.

    Resource wise, you could try this link - https://ie.reachout.com/inform-yourself/sex-and-relationships/communication-in-relationships/effective-communication-in-a-relationship/

    Or if you were looking for something more in depth, you could try 'When Depression hurts your relationship' by Shannon Kolakowski.

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