Topic: I think my mom is mentally ill? Delusional? And I want to help her.

For about 5 years or so, mum has been acting very strange, and I'm not sure how to deal with it.

At first it wasn't that bad. She became obsessed with the idea that she is the 'chosen one' from God. She started spending a lot of time swinging a pendulum ('talking to God'). Then she started working on a book, that has come to be 700,000+ words, written in 'God's words'. I didn't know what to think at first, so I just went along with it.

Then she started coming up with these crazy stories which made it very hard to believe, a few examples: 1. The Peruvian Government is hiding a cocoon sent from the future that contains her book. 2. Highly evolved beings (aliens) are going to come to Earth to change humanity, unless everyone reads her book. etc. These stories, although very far-fetched, didn't really worry me because I couldn't prove them wrong.

But now, she's hooked on this conspiracy theory that people are out to get her:

• She thinks that she got drugged at a bar by a mysterious man in a coat and the bouncers and taxi drivers were all in on it (probably just drank too much)
• She claims hearing footsteps on the veranda, and people parked outside our house, etc.
• And now, she thinks that people have setup cameras outside that watch the house. (in trees and in tiny holes which clearly don't have cameras in them). And sending my little brother to go fill the holes with gum or blue tack.
• At night she goes hunting for reflections with her flash light thinking they're cameras.

All of this makes me worried... and if I can help her before it gets any worse - I want to. Dad has given up trying to reason with her because her beliefs are so stubborn and she gets mad when anyone questions her, which is why I haven't tried to reason with her. I don't want to ruin the our connection but I don't want her to be crazy either.

So, any ideas on what I should do will be much appreciated. Thanks.

Hi there dqah,

Welcome to the forum and thanks for posting here. It sounds like you have been super supportive to your mum which is so great but after so many years you must be exhausted from the worry you have for her. I can't comment if you mum is delusional but her pattern of thinking sounds concerning.

When parents are going through health issues, it is sometimes quite hard to direct them to get some help, especially as their child. I know this from my own experience with my mum. A gentle, or least restrictive approach is best (if possible) to protect the relationship you have with her.

Starting with a visit to her GP would be a good (and more gentle) first step. You might be able to convince your mum that she needs a visit to make sure she is going okay physically due to all of her experiences. You could ask to be present at the appointment with her. You might try to get a double appointment with the GP so you are not rushed. Going in from this angle might help a health professional understand some of the worries you have in regards to her mental state first hand.

If she refuses to go to a GP, you might contact your local mental health support line and get some advise specifically on how to get your mum's mental health assessed. Sometimes mental health support services will send out a team to your home if required.

If you are concerned about your mum safety, don't hesitate to ring a mental health support line like Lifeline 131114 or even bring her to the local emergency or 000. Sometimes if people are confused or paranoid, they can do unsafe behaviours. When people get paranoid in their thinking, it could be for all sorts of reasons, and getting a health check is important.

This is a really touch situation to be in and I hope you find some time to post here again on how your are going. Talking (writing) about it your circumstance can help immensely and there are a lot of supportive people here who have gone through a similar experience.

Sending you strength,

Nurse Jenn

Update:

First off, thank you Nurse Jenn for the reply, it helped tremendously.

So, it's been just under a month, and unfortunately it would be fair to say that we've made one step forward and two steps back. After seeing the reply to this post, we were able to convince mom to see someone; a psychologist. Unfortunately for us, the psychologist couldn't find anything wrong with the situation, and perhaps they weren't qualified to diagnose her, and so the situation became worse; the psychologist actually believed her and her case grew more severe:

• She spent more time searching for hidden cameras, in bizarre places like inside of trees, or down the sink drain, etc.
• She started hearing and seeing things and misinterpreting it, like a street light flickering, to her, was a drone watching her. Or she sees a 'shadow', thinks it's a person, and starts screaming out of the front door (at 3am).
• At all hours of the night, she stands at the window starring out in some sort of trance (that you need to shake her out of).
• She started mumbling about random things while she swings her pendulum, etc.

So, her symptoms have worsened as time went on. However, I've convinced Dad to help with the situation, because he realised her case was growing worse. And now, we've been talking to a psychiatrist (who can actually diagnose her case), and they actually believe that there is something wrong with her. So now an appointment has been set, and mom is on track to be getting the help she needs.

Again,

Thank you Jenn :)

Hi dqah

I've just found your thread and wanted to let you know that I think you're doing a great job to try and help mum.

Sometimes it's really hard to find the right person to help, like what happened to your mum. But you were so right to keep pushing and talking to dad. Your mum is very lucky to have you for a daughter.

Try to remember that while people do unfortunately fall ill, they can also get better. But first you need to know what's wrong. I hope the psychistrist can give you all the answers you need and help your mum to heal.

How are you feeling now? Relieved? Nervous? Maybe a bit of both? You don't have to answer, no pressure, but I'm happy to chat (I'm a mum with a daughter who has a mental health condition).

It's really important to take some time to look after yourself, too. I want to encourage you to do something nice for yourself each day. Maybe talk with a friend, exercise, read--whatever it is you like to do.

I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers

dqah

Thanks fir your update.

It is good to know that your mum is getting help .

As I write I have seen Summer Roses kind words and suggestions.
I too agree with what she wrote.

You are very thoughtful of your mum and I hope you take care of yourself.

There us support and a listening ear here if you need one.

Dear dqah,

I just found your post and my heart goes out to you. My mother has been paranoid delusional for decades (the mafia, radio tracking, interference with her water etc.) Anyone who suggested she was interpreting things incorrectly became part of her delusional paranoid conspiracies. This has included family, friends, colleagues, counsellors and mental health professionals. She has never stuck to any medication or therapies.

The upside is that she has managed to have a career and full life and now retired has learnt how important it is to remain active. She keeps up participation in a range of groups as well as regular exercise and socialising with friends.

Over the years I've learnt how to support her by neither supporting nor denying the delusions and by focussing on her general well-being, using reflective listening and only engaging with her when I feel strong. Sometimes her delusions are just odd but often they're distressing, and although rare for her to speak of them now, it can be both upsetting and frustrating to hear them.

I wish you strength for the journey ahead.

Artisan360