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Topic: It's at the pointy end

2 posts, 0 answered
  1. myparis
    myparis avatar
    5 posts
    26 January 2020
    I'm feeling dejected, frustrated, unloved and angry. Just tried to talk to my Partner who has Bipolar 2 but he said "I don't want to talk, I know when I walk away that you're going to think I don't give a -" then walks away after kissing me on the forehead. I don't know whether to stay with him. I'm exhausted and the same old problems keep resurfacing - his selfish spending habits, his drinking, his need to be alone and my frustrated crying. I'm trying to work on my issues but don't feel like he's working on his. I don't feel the issues are ever sorted as he can only talk for a few minutes before going off to "process" what we've spoken about. For the past couple of months we've (mostly me) been setting up a business and our rental lease is up for renewal. We're coming up to almost 2 years together. I am losing my patience and starting to doubt if I can be bothered anymore. He hasn't worked for around 9 months and I've been paying all the bills. As soon as he gets some money, he's off to buy alcohol or something for himself. It'd be nice if he took me on a date instead and paid for it. I feel insecure and unappreciated. When I ask if he still loves me he says "yes". I don't know if I want to go through much more of this. His cycles have become more rapid. There's only days between him being "ok", "depressed" and then his form of "happy" which is usually when he goes for his 4 hour walks on his own ending up at the pub. I rarely see him "happy" when he's with me. He blames me for the problems and says that I'm always crying and that's why he doesn't want to come near me - I'm crying because he doesn't come near me and I know that the bad times are coming again. A couple of horrible weeks when I might as well be invisible, then he's all hugs and love and affection only to head off to his mancave again. He tells me to give him space and if I enter that space trying to talk, he writes horrible notes to me about not being able to be with me anymore..... He says that he'll talk to me when he "comes back". I attempt to talk when he "comes back" but he never wants to discuss the topic that I'm upset about. Yeh, yeh, I know....If his cup is full, it's difficult to let it drain...and I just have to wait it out. What about my needs. What about the times when I feel terrible and just need to talk or a hug and told that I'm loved. Why is it that the carer is never supported? I'm dealing with stuff too!! I constantly feel like the horrible one. HELP!!
  2. blondguy
    Life Member
    • Awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    blondguy avatar
    10707 posts
    2 February 2020 in reply to myparis

    Dear myparis

    I am sorry that you havent had a reply especially after having the courage to post on the forums. We do try to answer all new posts as quickly as we can

    You mentioned that your partner's cycles are becoming more rapid which would make both of your lives stressful..Can I ask (only if thats okay) if your partner has been engaging with his doctor (therapist) or a GP to help him help himself during this time?

    Your health is paramount here myparis as you have your own well being to consider which is crucial

    I really hope you can post back...There are many gentle folk that can be here for you!

    my kind thoughts

    Paul

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