Welcome to Beyond Blue and thank you for providing your post. Very to the point and quite a number of issues you raise.
Having never had a partner who is a psychologist, I cannot comment too much here, but one thing really amazes me about this – that your partner (psych) is causing so much hurt and disappointment and so much more for you in the relationship. Kind of defies the psych code I would have thought – obviously he practices a much different code when he’s at home with you, as opposed to the professional hat he wears when he’s with his patients in his day time job.
Now with regard to unconditional love, I don’t know so much about god and all that side of things – probably best left alone as for those that believe, that’s great and for those that don’t believe that’s great, but if you believe that god is in the only one who can give out unconditional love, then please call me god.
I have two children and I LOVE them unconditionally – as the dictionary suggests: unconditional love is ‘affection with no limits or conditions; complete love’.
That sums up me with my two children. It also goes on to say that you would do anything for them and even place yourself in grave/great danger to protect them. And for me to do this, I am doing this purely on the basis that these are my flesh and blood – together with my partner, we bought them into the world and nurtured them to where they are now – and from this, we’ve not asked anything in return for doing this. Sorry, bit of a soap box that I just climbed on there, but I’m very strong on this – feelings wise.
However, having said that – having unconditional love for others, well that might in fact be toned down a bit – as in, if you love someone, you would hope that they love you back. You would hope that they would be there to support you and to comfort and care for you and to protect you.
If you are enduring abuse in any way, shape or form, I would be getting out of this right now. No-one should have to put up with any crap like that. You’ve said, “enough is enough” and that “your needs are not going to be met in this relationship and you are not going to keep meeting his”. My suggestion is for you to end this.
Not knowing how long this relationship has been going on for, where you’re living (ie: together or apart) may determine how difficult this is going to be. But hey, it’s just my read on things.
Look forward to hearing back from you.