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Topic: My dad suffers from terrible aggression, depression and anxiety- how can I help?

5 posts, 0 answered
  1. constantly worried
    constantly worried avatar
    2 posts
    28 February 2019

    My dad is in his early 50's, and as long as I can remember has been miserable. My mother says it hasn't always been like this, it has become worse over time.

    I think he's always stressed about money and has a weird amount of pride so never wants to seem like he's not coping with something. He's very superficially happy when he's around family, but then he goes home and retreats to his anger and misery.

    I've brought him books on getting help for depression and anxiety- but he's not interested and won't even admit there a possibility he has these issues.

    He is Greek, and so is his doctor. I think the cultural aspect plays a big part in this and doesn't want to appear weak. He also has diabetes and high cholesterol, which makes it worse.

    My mother and he had never really seen eye to eye on how to raise my siblings and I, which causes so many issues as well. We're all grown up now (16-25), but he still insists on controlling and babying us, whereas she is more relaxed and lets us live our lives.

    My biggest concern is that my mother will leave him. He's very aggressive and difficult to talk to and get along with. He is under the impression that everyone hates him and he's a bother, and that we love our mother more. While this is not true, but it is not hard to see where he gets the impression, as its very hard to have a conversation with him, and easy to talk to her.

    My mother and he are always fighting and can never seem to see eye to eye. She is very patient with him even though he's very difficult, but I see one day her giving up and leaving.

    Any advice from anyone who has been in a similar situation would be great.

    Thank you

  2. David Nobody
    David Nobody avatar
    117 posts
    28 February 2019 in reply to constantly worried

    Hi constant,

    that story is unfortunately very close to mine.

    It took a divorce for me to realise how bad it was. I can’t offer you a solution, just a bit of empathy... and the fact that the relationship between me and my ex is now amicable.

    The kids always end up in a less than perfect situation, no matter what happens. But choosing between an unhappy marriage or the situation I am in now, I can’t honestly tell you which one would have been better.

    1 person found this helpful
  3. blondguy
    Life Member
    • Awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    blondguy avatar
    10722 posts
    28 February 2019 in reply to constantly worried

    Hello Constantly Worried

    Welcome and good on you for posting with us!

    You have made an excellent point where 'culture' is concerned. This can be a key factor where our fathers attitude stems from. My dad (may he RIP) was an old school pom and it was so hard dealing with the 'pride' he used to carry with him....as its the way he was brought up...yet it made us miserable at the time

    Just for me I find pride a poor substitute for intelligence

    Just for your information I have posted a copy & paste link below for your interest CW....I hope it helps..

    www.beyondblue.org.au/the-facts/supporting-someone/supporting-someone-with-depression-or-anxiety

    The forums are a Safe and Non judgmental place for you to post CW. Your privacy and well being are paramount

    I really hope you can post back when convenient :-)

    my kind thoughts

    Paul

  4. constantly worried
    constantly worried avatar
    2 posts
    1 March 2019 in reply to David Nobody

    Thank you, David. I am sorry to hear that, but am glad to know you're both happy now.

    Can I ask how long in between breaking up, and you both being in a happy place?

    My fear about the break up is the transition period. I can't see him coping without my mother. I'm not concerned about self-harm, but am worried about his mental and physical health declining.

  5. David Nobody
    David Nobody avatar
    117 posts
    1 March 2019 in reply to constantly worried

    Hi Constaltly,

    ask away, I’m an open book.

    My divorce was around 10 years ago, after 10 years of marriage as well as being together for the 10 years before that.

    Now my Ex wife (who is also a psychologist) is one of the few “supporters” I have who understands and cares for me. If there weren’t children involved I doubt it would have happened. But we were always parents before friends.

    So probably around 5 years. I have been out on “family” occasions, we both attended school functions, etc. She has always been the main parent. Originally I had the girls 3 nights a fortnight (every second weekend) and a weekly dinner date during the week. This slowly became less and less as they grew, but was always their choice.

    We both worked hard for the sake of the kids. That wouldn’t have happened if we had stayed together.

    So fast forward to now, I see my youngest daughter for a weekly dinner, and am involved whenever I can be, she still lives with my ex. My eldest daughter (20) lives in a rental and sees her mum and sister most weekends, but she doesn’t acknowledge my existence. I haven’t seen her for around a year. Unfortunately she didn’t fall far from my tree. But it was my depression that caused the rift, not the relationship between me and her mum. My ex is my biggest advocate in that area.

    David.

    1 person found this helpful

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