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Topic: Partner pushing me away - wants no contact

3 posts, 0 answered
  1. MickeyN
    MickeyN avatar
    1 posts
    2 April 2019

    Good morning,

    I have been watching my partner slowly fall into the pits of depression. I suggested therapy and potentially meds before it was too late. She started to want more space, didnt want to talk, started becoming disctracted from others (the thrill of being wanted), but just appeared to be numb around me.

    Last week after spending time together she just came out and said she couldnt be with me because she isnt stable and left. She said she cant be my support, and she cant deal with me.

    I told her that no matter what i wasnt going anywhere, and i know that she was pushing me away due to her depression.

    Granted i was quite upset on the weekend about this decision and could at that stage only feel the hurt.

    How do i give her the space, but still let her know i am here and i love her? I understand she needs to fix herself, but i want to be able to support her

  2. white knight
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    white knight avatar
    8366 posts
    2 April 2019 in reply to MickeyN

    Hi, welcome

    The sad news here is that depression itself wont be the primary driving force to cause her to leave eg "....and i know that she was pushing me away due to her depression." Yes it is often a mitigating factor but love and care is a powerful reason to remain in a relationship, depression or not.

    What you are facing here is lack of patience and that isn't freely available.

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    So even though she has mental illness issues she is of age and maturity to make her decisions and having a relationship might be too taxing on her life. This might be short term or forever.

    So, I'm sorry but you cannot rush her. I'd give her some time that you feel is reasonable enough then face the prospect that it wont work out.

    I wish I could help you further.

    TonyWK

    1 person found this helpful
  3. Croix
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
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    Croix avatar
    9201 posts
    2 April 2019 in reply to MickeyN

    Dear MickeyN~

    I'm afraid I have to agree with some of the things TonyWK has already said. Depression can, as in my case, make one want to be alone, however if there was love before it returns -or did for me

    I did not say I wanted to leave, just be in a quiet undisturbed room.

    The most important thing is to encourage your partner to have proper medical treatment. Beyond that I'm not sure what you can do. If she knows you are there for her it is up to her to decide if she wants in time to return or not.

    As Tony suggests, giving it time is the only real option unless you want to cut things off now.

    Croix

    1 person found this helpful

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