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Topic: Please help me help my Dad

6 posts, 0 answered
  1. Katsu
    Katsu avatar
    3 posts
    19 March 2019

    Hello everyone,

    I need some advice and help. So the last 1.5 years have been a rollercoaster for my family, I'll give a quick over view.

    I have had 3 operations due to my health, on a slow road to recovery now thanks goodness.

    My grandpa was diagnosed with brain cancer and has now passed on, but in his 9month battle he was neglected and abused by his wife. My dad, his brother and myself had to give up out jobs and life to help him and make him comfortable in his battle.

    My dad had a bad car accident on his 27hr drive to my grandfather's and has still not made 100% recovery.

    My brother tried to commit suicide and is on the road to recovery.

    My step mum has walked out on my dad while he was on a memorial trip for my grandpa with his brother. Doesnt have any answer to what's happened, she wont talk to him.

    My dad suffers anxiety and depression, and the last week has not been good. He has lost a lot of weight, cant sleep or think/cant shut his brain off, not hungry, mentally not well either. I love my dad so much, we have a very strong relationship and I dont know how else to help. I have been going to his house every day, I have been cooking and taking him food, trying to get him to walk the dogs with me to get some fresh air, I have been listening/just being there and giving lots of love but he is getting worst. I have tried to get him into counseling or even talk to a friend but he keeps telling me all to much for him atm.

    I'm really lost on what more I can do or how i can help him, if anyone has any advice please help me help my dad.

    Thank you x

  2. PamelaR
    Champion Alumni
    • Community champion volunteers who are not currently active on the forums.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    PamelaR avatar
    2681 posts
    19 March 2019 in reply to Katsu

    Hi Katsu and warm welcome to Beyond Blue

    It's pleasing to see you've found your way to our community. Life is difficult for you at the moment. Trying to help your dad must be so tiring for you. Along with you dealing with the grief of your grandpa's loss, your parents separating, your dad's accident. It is very important to make sure you look after yourself too. Often we forget that we are also important and we need just as much care too.

    You're not alone in what's happening Katsu. There are many in our community who are dealing with similar situations as yourself. Have you had a browse of our forums? I'd do a search of the website using the search tool at the top of the page and enter one or more of the following keywords:

    • supporting others
    • supporting someone with depression or anxiety
    • supporting someone to see a health professional
    • staying alive for others

    Hope some of these help Katsu. Just remember you're not alone.

    Kind regards

    PamelaR

    1 person found this helpful
  3. smallwolf
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    smallwolf avatar
    4287 posts
    19 March 2019 in reply to Katsu

    Hi Katsu,

    welcome to beyond blue.

    It can be very tough to watch your parents suffering like this. You are not alone, as I have been in a similar position to you. It is important to remember that everyone is different so anything I say may or may not work. For me, it was repeated gentle persuasion. But it also has to be remembered that I had been seeing my psychologist for sometime myself, and some of things that I was telling my dad was similar to what my psychologist was telling me.

    It is important to note that you are also doing all the right things. You obviously are a very caring person, and your dad would be lucky to have you. Equally important is to look after yourself. And rather than me give you ideas on what you should do, I will provide you with some links that I hope will be useful to you....

    https://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/health/servicesandsupport/getting-help-for-someone-with-a-mental-illness

    https://mhfa.com.au/resources/help-a-friend-family-member-or-co-worker-with-mental-health-illness-or-crisis

    https://www.blackdoginstitute.org.au/getting-help/seeking-help/helping-someone-else

    Peace,

    Tim

  4. Paw Prints
    Paw Prints avatar
    892 posts
    19 March 2019 in reply to Katsu

    Hello Katsu,

    PamelaR & Smallwolf have given you some very usual links. When I was supporting my brother with his MI, one of the strategies I used was to say to him I was concerned for him & ask him if he didn't feel able to go to his GP/ Psychologist himself, would he let me make an appointment on his behalf & I would suggest that to make it easier for him I would take him to & from, and could either sit in with him or wait in the waiting room. If he didn't agree 1st time I would ask him to think about it & ask him again at a later time. There were times when I literally held his hand, which he found helpful. We had periods where he was open to my help & times when he wasn't. This may not work for your dad but I thought you may wish to try it.

    Paw Prints

  5. Katsu
    Katsu avatar
    3 posts
    20 March 2019 in reply to PamelaR
    Thank you for the advice and kind words, really appreciate it. I'll keep doing what I'm doing and put all this advice into plan. Thank you again.
  6. Katsu
    Katsu avatar
    3 posts
    20 March 2019 in reply to PamelaR
    Thank you PamelaR and Smallwolf I have done some reading and looked at the links you have provided and really appreciated all the advice and support. I couldnt be more thankful.

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