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Topic: Recognising mental health in preteens

3 posts, 0 answered
  1. BradFox
    BradFox avatar
    1 posts
    19 January 2021
    I’m a little concerned with my partners 8 year old. A little history, from the day she was born she has been clingy to her mother. I know this is normal behaviour, however my reading has suggested there should be some level of this starting to subside. She is now 8 years old and cannot handle it when mum leaves the room. As soon as she leaves DD8 gets up to follow. I try and get her to stay as her nun is just going to the bathroom but she won’t let up until she’s with her Mum again. I feel Mum has made it worse by allowing it to happen. Also due to always having mum with her when she is sick, sad, angry or has any emotion, she has absolute zero emotional regulation. Once she is upset she would never be able to regulate that herself, and it takes hours of attention for even Mum to get her to calm. I’ve caught her making up illness many times. I also know she will fake being sad, hurting herself, basically do whatever it takes to have Mum doting over her 100% of the time. My question is, because I’ve never seen it in any child I’ve been around, am I overacting being worried? I’m just scared this is going to develop into her being codependent, or having a fear of abandonment which can lead to more serious mental health issues. Again I reiterate, this is all day every day.
  2. Katyonthehamsterwheel
    Valued Contributor
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    Katyonthehamsterwheel avatar
    1085 posts
    19 January 2021 in reply to BradFox

    Hi there and welcome to the forums. It looks like your post got missed, as sometimes happens, so sorry about that.

    There is a possibility from what you've described that something could be going on, but it would be best directed to an expert, and I'm not sure there are any of those on here. I guess some things to consider would be if there is anything going on in her life that might be making her cling to mum? And have you talked to mum about it, and what is her take on it? Emotional self-regulation and a level of independence are important, so your concern is justified, but it would seem that a chat with mum would be the first port of call.

    Katy

  3. sunnyl20
    Valued Contributor
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    sunnyl20 avatar
    185 posts
    19 January 2021 in reply to BradFox

    Hi BradFox,

    From what you have mentioned, I don't think you are overreacting and I can understand why you might be a bit worried, especially if this is happening all the time. As Katy mentioned though, it is probably best to express your concerns with her mum and/or a trusted health professional who can give you a more qualified opinion and advice. Do you know what she is like when she goes to school, if she behaves in a similar way? Do you know if there is anything that may trigger her to behave in that way?

    Please feel free to talk more as and when you wish. We are here to listen. Take care.

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