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Topic: Relationship breakdown

2 posts, 0 answered
  1. berg401
    berg401 avatar
    3 posts
    28 April 2019

    I started dating a girl about 10 months ago. She is a compassionate, intelligent and caring person. She told me she I had come from an abusive marriage, on about our 5th date.

    She is still being abused by her ex because they have a kid together

    when ever I trie to talk to her when she' s upset about something she shuts down and looks terrified

    her dad got sick and was in hospital. She was travelling long distances . Then one day she rang me up and said “I think we should be friends” this was devastating to me. I said I don't agree worth your decision but I respect it and will support you the best I can.

    then one day she rang meat work, she said she was fine then she said dad died. I left work to go see how she was and took her some frozen meals . She was not coping well at all, I had never seen her so down. This was also the first time I had seen her in 2 months.

    The following week I txt, I would like to support you as a friend, is it ok if I come to the funeral? We didn't speak much, everyone was going up to her all day, it looked overwhelming

    I went there on the way home and she didn't seem to be quite herself. When I left I, she said she doesn't hug anymore. She also said no one is allowed to ask how she is and she doesn't talk about the death or anything with anyone

    So I decided to write a letter, In the letter I said I recognise in her some of the signs of depression that I had exhibited and that I suffered depression and was quite a few years before I sought help and I don't want to see you make the same mistake I did.

    I also gave her a book on ptsd and offered alternatives to counselling

    She has now cut me off completely, blocked me on all social media. I sent her one text on Friday and that is all.

    I know I wasn't the best boyfriend or friend, I made mistakes, I tried my best to be understanding and supportive. Most of the time I didn't know what to say or do. I have now also lost a friend. , I feel like I have failed both of us.

    I agonised about whether I should tell her or not for weeks, in the I decided that had someone done the same for me I may not have wasted so many years of my life.

    I chose the letter as an option because, I was anxious sharing; she doesn't handle things all that well in person I am crushed at the moment and feel worthless.
    I suspect she has mental challenges from past and current trauma. . I don't want her to feel abandoned, I think she needs support now more than ever.

  2. berg401
    berg401 avatar
    3 posts
    28 April 2019

    Just an update, I made a mistake and looked on the dating website. It looks like she has been active since cutting me off. So it looks like the reason for breaking up were a lie and she was using me. I feel so worthless and betrayed now. I should have known better, I never deserved to be in a relationship.

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