I started dating a
girl about 10 months ago. She is a compassionate, intelligent and
caring person. She told me she I had come from an abusive marriage,
on about our 5th date.
She is still being
abused by her ex because they have a kid together
when ever I trie to
talk to her when she' s upset about something she shuts down and
her dad got sick and
was in hospital. She was travelling long distances . Then one day she
rang me up and said “I think we should be friends” this was
devastating to me. I said I don't agree worth your decision but I
respect it and will support you the best I can.
then one day she
rang meat work, she said she was fine then she said dad died. I left
work to go see how she was and took her some frozen meals . She was
not coping well at all, I had never seen her so down. This was also
the first time I had seen her in 2 months.
The following week I
txt, I would like to support you as a friend, is it ok if I come to
the funeral? We didn't speak much, everyone was going up to her all
day, it looked overwhelming
I went there on the
way home and she didn't seem to be quite herself. When I left I, she
said she doesn't hug anymore. She also said
no one is allowed to ask how she is and she doesn't talk about the
death or anything with anyone
So I decided to
write a letter, In the letter I said I recognise in her
some of the signs of depression that I had exhibited and that I
suffered depression and was quite a few years before I sought help
and I don't want to see you make the same mistake I did.
I also gave her a
book on ptsd and offered alternatives to counselling
She has now cut me
off completely, blocked me on all social media. I sent her one text on Friday and that is all.
I know I wasn't the
best boyfriend or friend, I made mistakes, I tried my best to be
understanding and supportive. Most of the time I didn't know what to
say or do. I have now also lost a friend. , I feel like I have failed
both of us.
I agonised about
whether I should tell her or not for weeks, in the I decided that had
someone done the same for me I may not have wasted so many years of
I chose the letter
as an option because, I was anxious sharing; she doesn't handle things
all that well in person I am crushed at the moment and feel
I suspect she has
mental challenges from past and current trauma. . I don't want her to feel abandoned, I think she
needs support now more than ever.