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Topic: Rollercoaster

18 posts, 0 answered
  1. Winterfell
    Winterfell avatar
    83 posts
    30 May 2017

    Almost a year to the day of his first admission my husband is back in hospital. He has relapsed quite badly despite being on lots of medication and under good care from psychs and doctors. He was improving but it seems like they change his meds he gets a lift and two months later starts to fade. He is very low right now and they are considering treatment resistant approaches. I was floored initially as we were thinking about graded return to work just a month ago as he was doing so well.

    He has been off work for a year but a great help to me around the house doing the job of a stay at home dad and doing all the kids after school activities as well as laundry, pets, gardens, bins, shopping etc. Now he is back in the clinic its solo parent time again for me. Its a big adjustment for me - trying to get the kids to lessons and classes, working two jobs, looking after the dog and chickens (I wont even go near the beehives!) trying to be hopeful for him that they might hit on a treatment that works, and generally running myself ragged!! My kids have something almost every day after school and sometimes multiple runs are required - I drop one somewhere then the other somewhere then pick up the first boy then back for the second.

    I have started my weekly plan again - its a good way for me to make sure I am scheduling some down time. I am just posting again here as writing things down is also a helpful strategy for me. I am blessed with family support and good friends but sometimes depression just sucks and I like coming to a place where I know others are struggling too. I hate people pitying me for whats happened, it just is. The depression has caused a huge upheaval to our lives, I dont know if my husband will ever be able to work again but there are more important things in life than money and work.

  2. Blue Jane
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    Blue Jane avatar
    195 posts
    31 May 2017 in reply to Winterfell

    Hi Winterfell

    Thanks for taking the time to share what is going on with you. Depression is an ongoing and frustrating illness - you think it is under control and being managed and then Bang, it is back with you.

    Even thought your husband has been off work it sounds like he has been a fantastic support. Hopefully the current situation is temporary but sounds like you are getting organised to keep on top of who needs to be where. Can you and the kids visit the clinic and see how he is going?

    It sounds like you have your priorities right - i.e. your family comes first and everything else will work itself out. That is great that you have support - use it! Don't be afraid of asking for a hand. People love being useful, especially those close to you. It is really important that you take some time out for yourself even when your husband is in the clinic. You need to feel well and have some balance so that you can be strong during this time.

    Blue Jane

  3. Winterfell
    Winterfell avatar
    83 posts
    1 June 2017 in reply to Blue Jane

    Hi Jane

    we visit him usually twice a week - the clinic is in a great location close to our home with shops and a weekly market virtually at the doorstep so its easy to go out or to just stay in his room. He is incredibly low, the worst I have ever seen him so its hard but i just have to keep going and hope for the best

  4. Blue Jane
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    195 posts
    4 June 2017 in reply to Winterfell

    Hi Winterfell

    Sorry for the delay in my reply. Not good to hear that your husband is not doing well. Has the clinic shared their thoughts on what might work or what is next for treatment?

    I can only imagine how hard it is to see your husband like this. How are the kids handling it?

    How is your weekly plan going?

    Have you been able to find some time for yourself this weekend?

    Blue Jane

  5. Winterfell
    Winterfell avatar
    83 posts
    6 June 2017 in reply to Blue Jane
    Thanks for checking in on me. My husband has been started on TMS and we are seeing some light finally! Kids are good, very busy and we had Dad home for day leave on Sunday which everyone enjoyed. We just adjust and keep on trucking :) I am making time to run early some mornings which helps enormously and spent time with friends and family over the past days
  6. Blue Jane
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    195 posts
    6 June 2017 in reply to Winterfell
    So happy to hear that things are changing for the better. Go you making time for the runs and catching up with friends and family.
  7. Winterfell
    Winterfell avatar
    83 posts
    20 June 2017 in reply to Blue Jane

    Thanks Jane

    Last week was very bad, the TMS hasnt worked and my husband was in a dark place. I find it horrid sometimes to be completely honest. I just have to keep faith and hope going for myself and him

  8. Blue Jane
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    195 posts
    20 June 2017 in reply to Winterfell

    I am sorry to hear that Winterfell.

    Depression is so up and down and it is easy to get frustrated and give up. But don't, this is another set back and you and your husband will get through this. Keep reaching out to your family and friends and keep doing things for yourself.

    Does the clinic have any thoughts on what might be the next best step?

  9. beingbyrne
    beingbyrne avatar
    153 posts
    20 June 2017

    You are one strong woman Winterfell......I hope you are really proud of yourself. It is a tough time at the moment for you, but remember ...nothing is permanent, there are better days waiting for you. I admire your strength

    Sending hugs your way

  10. Winterfell
    Winterfell avatar
    83 posts
    22 June 2017 in reply to Blue Jane

    Thanks Jane

    ECT is our next option, we seem to have exhausted every other treatment

  11. Winterfell
    Winterfell avatar
    83 posts
    22 June 2017 in reply to beingbyrne
    Thank you beingbyrne, that means alot and is something for me to keep holding onto. At times I get kind of drawn into his nilhistic thinking but I need to keep faith that this isnt permanent
  12. Blue Jane
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    195 posts
    15 July 2017 in reply to Winterfell

    Hi Winterfell

    How are you? How is your Husband? Has ECT made a difference?

    Blue Jane

  13. Winterfell
    Winterfell avatar
    83 posts
    16 July 2017 in reply to Blue Jane

    It's funny as I logged in tonight to post and you had thought to check in, thanks 🙂

    We have had a very rough few weeks, I contracted a serious respiratory illness and my husband is still in the clinic. They took him on and off meds and he nosedived. He had to stop some meds due to the plan for ect but it took 2 weeks for the work up and second opinions so he was kind of spiralling down. I thought he was bad before but I saw what I think was rock bottom.

    ECT starts tomorrow, to be frank we are both very apprehensive however it seems that nothing is working and he cannot continue to live in this agitated distressed state. Wish us luck, my dream outcome would be that this is a turning point in his recovery.

  14. White Rose
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    White Rose avatar
    6322 posts
    16 July 2017 in reply to Winterfell

    Hello Winterfell

    I am so sorry you and your husband are going through such a rough time. Depression really is the pits. I think the worst part is the belief that all is going well then suddenly nosediving. You sound such a wonderful, loving and caring wife and mother and you have my total admiration for holding on all this time. Being the partner of someone going through depression is, in many ways, just as bad as it is for the person concerned.

    I hope you have recovered from your illness and getting back on your feet. I see you have written that you have a good support network which is fantastic. I hope these people are helping you through all the turmoil.

    I know very little about ECT. Do you know what it is supposed to do or how it works? I think it's important that you have this knowledge and know what to expect. I wish you both the best of luck tomorrow. Please let us know how it all goes.

    Mary

  15. Winterfell
    Winterfell avatar
    83 posts
    25 July 2017 in reply to White Rose

    Thanks Mary

    The ECT involves electrical current being passed through the pain to cause a seizure while the patient is unconscious. Its a fairly scary procedure in some ways but its done very carefully under anaesthetic and the process is individualised. My husband is having 3 treatments per week. We have seen an initial improvement which is very promising. He is thinking of the future and is less agitated and distressed. He has also been reduced from his cocktail of meds down to one antidepressant which I think is helping (he was on 5 meds and they had side effects and it was all a bit of a mess). His new psychiatrist is terrific - very evidence based but a kindly soul and I think we are on the path to stability.

  16. Mumma4
    Mumma4 avatar
    10 posts
    25 July 2017 in reply to Winterfell

    Wow Winterfell, reading through this and your strength is admiring. I truly hope things continue for the better and you can all enjoy life a bit more. It must incredibly tough to see your husband go through all this, plus look after the family, plus work, plus look after yourself. I do not know how you do it with such a positive mindset.

    x

  17. Winterfell
    Winterfell avatar
    83 posts
    26 July 2017 in reply to Mumma4

    Thanks Mumma

    I think a year of this has seen me develop some skills to manage and keep my energy replenished. I still have alot of uncertainty about the future but I just keep the wheels turning and hope for the best! I think the old marriage vows really were tested this past 12 months and may be well tested into the future but I love my husband and he loves me and we are trying our best to beat this as a team.

  18. Winterfell
    Winterfell avatar
    83 posts
    25 July 2018 in reply to Winterfell
    Just back in for an update, The ECT was terrible with some bad reactions so that was the end of that treatment. My husband had an up and down last 6 months of 2017 and was diagnosed with treatment resistant depression. There have been some positives in the first half of 2018 though - he was given voluntary medical retirement so work is not an ongoing stressor, he was accepted into a psychotherapy program for a 2 year duration and he has gotten himself off to art group and yoga. It certainly is an enduring illness in his case and we are both focused on wellbeing. I wanted to update so that if other people are in a bad place to know that it can get better, things might never go back to the way they were but they can certainly be different and valuable.

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