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Topic: Seeking peers living with depressed partners for uplifting support

3 posts, 0 answered
  1. DrDutchie
    DrDutchie avatar
    1 posts
    18 November 2019

    Hi!

    i hope you are doing well. I am on this forum as I would like to meet other people who live with depressed partners just for uplifting support. My husband has been suffering from depression most of his life, and this has gotten really at the forefront since having children, now 12 years ago. There have been ups and downs over this time, and usually I have been able to remain positive as that is my usual nature. But now we are back down again, which this time coincides with things not going well for me as well. I do not have the energy to cope with his negativity. Our relationship is deteriorating, I am losing my positivity, and I just do not see a way out. A dear friend recommended beyond blue to me for ‘peer support’. Could anyone here please point me in the right direction and provide links to forum groups or threads? Thanks so much!

  2. white knight
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    white knight avatar
    2076 posts
    18 November 2019 in reply to DrDutchie

    Hi DrD, welcome

    I'm glad you wrote in from a recommendation, we must be doing something right

    My wife has depression and I have the more moody bipolar with the swing set of depression to mania. So what you are seeking is what we have endured, fine tuned and posted here in threads I recommend you read. Google what I list and read at least the first post of each.

    beyondblue topic the timing of motivation

    Rules of conflict is essential for a stable home

    beyondblue topic relationship strife? The peace pipe

    I don’t know if you live in the city but for me the city works against our stability as does too much debt and keeping toxic people in our lives.

    beyondblue fortress of survival

    beyondblue topic fortress of survival part 2

    Essentially we families with depression need to eliminate toxic people from our lives as we battle our illness to often just survive. This is serious stuff.

    Acceptance plays a huge part. To accept these ups and downs will come and when they do a change of environment is essential. For my wife and I as soon as one of us is low we go to our fav cafe for coffee, a park with fish and chips or a walk on the beach. This won’t stop the depressive cycle but it does cushion it.

    beyondblue topic variety and distractions

    My wife and I are with each other 24/7. We deliberately introduced hobbies into our lives that allows us to spend time apart. For me it’s tinkering in my shed, I even built our own caravan. For my wife she taught herself crochet, paints glass bowls from the OP shop and jigsaws.

    Your positivity hasn’t gone away, it’s just on holiday.

    beyondblue topic focus and never ever give up

    There is also the common issue with the depressed person taking advantage of a situation. Eg if they lie in bed all day while their partner is at work, then they are also capable of attending the toilet. If so they are also capable of makings cups whentheircarer returns home or making dinner. Having a mental illness does not mean their carer has to sacrifice heavily for that illness, they need care also.

    Teamwork is a key. Together you can achieve amazing things, emotionally disconnected will result in division and weakness.

    YouTube Maharaji Prem Rawat sunset

    YouTube Maharaji Prem Rawat the perfect instrument

    YouTube Maharaji Prem Rawat appreciate

    and many more if his videos. Watch them together.

    I hope you get a lot of value from my recommendations. Repost anytime.

    TonyWK

    2 people found this helpful
  3. romantic_thi3f
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    romantic_thi3f avatar
    383 posts
    19 November 2019 in reply to DrDutchie

    Hi DrDutchie,

    Welcome to the forums and thank you for joining us! I'm really glad that you're here and I know that lots of people are in the same boat. I personally have a partner with depression and I have depression too, so I can see both sides.

    Not sure how familiar you are with BB yet, but your post jumped into the 'supporting people' section and I would say a decent amount is about supporting partners with depression. It's just so common -

    https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/supporting-family-and-friends-with-a-mental-health-condition-(carers)

    I also really like this thread by Carmela, even though it's an older one -

    https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/supporting-family-and-friends-with-a-mental-health-condition-(carers)/need-advice-to-cope-with-depressed-partner

    Hope that you find some great support here :)

    RT

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