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Topic: struggling with special needs children

  1. Matchy69
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    29 April 2021 in reply to Sleepy21

    Hi Sleepy I think we're are so lucky to get that principle.She really has been good for my son and the school.I hope she will stay another two years and then my son is in high school and a new set of worries for us.The high school does have seperate classes a special needs teacher there.My daughter has survived there without needing to much support as others have.

    Take care,

    Mark.

  2. Boudica
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    195 posts
    29 April 2021 in reply to Matchy69

    Hello,

    Sorry things are so tough for you at the moment. Hope you are able to do something you enjoy today.

    Yesterday I downloaded the iNaturalist app on my phone, and have been adding observation of little critters I found in my yard, and I even photographed a Cowfish that I saw in the lake. I like that other people help with an ID when you are not quite sure what it is too. I am planning to use it to try to get my son outside and moving a bit, as he tends to want to stay inside.

    I get really down when I stay indoors a lot, probably because I grew up spending all my time outside around the creeks and paddocks, so it feels stifling after a while. It totally changes my frame of mind to be able to be outside.

    My thoughts are with you.

  3. Matchy69
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    29 April 2021 in reply to Boudica

    Hi Boudica I went into town this morning.I am glad to be home,I don't like going into town much these days.I feel very lonely and depressed lately.Even having the kids makes me lonely.It can be so full on mentally and physically at times.Just to have someone to talk to that understands what I am growing through.

    Take care,

    Mark.

  4. Boudica
    Boudica avatar
    195 posts
    29 April 2021 in reply to Matchy69

    Hi Mark,

    I understand what you mean about feeling lonely with your kids. I think it is because you are their support person, constantly giving, but you are not getting support from anywhere. I have felt the same. Caring for children is very different as a couple than on your own, and I know it can be really isolating parenting alone.

    I get lonely too, but I also acknowledge that there is a world of people out there that I shun, so it's kinda my own fault. I can feel lonely surrounded by people though, because it is not just people that you need, it is understanding, so it has to be the right person.

    Sorry if I am gloomy. Always happy to chat with you :)

  5. Matchy69
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    29 April 2021 in reply to Boudica

    Hi Boudica I think it's people understanding what we are going through that we look for.A lot of people do not understand and know how draining and full on it is for us.I think talking to someone who is going through similar like you gives you some support and feeling of your not alone.I am so greatful for having kids when I thought I never would.

    Take care,

    Mark.

    1 person found this helpful
  6. Sleepy21
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    29 April 2021 in reply to Matchy69

    Hi Mark and Boudaica

    having kids is definitely something to be grateful for. I don't have children and can't see how i'll find a suitable partner as everyone i've been with before has been abusive or scary.
    It mustbe hard at times, dealing with the school etc but it must be so rewarding. Kids need their parents to stand by them which you both do. Sending you stength in ur journey as parents

    1 person found this helpful
  7. Boudica
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    195 posts
    29 April 2021 in reply to Sleepy21

    Hi Mark and Sleepy,

    I agree with all you have said. Though kids can be hard day to day, especially on your own, I am not sure I would have the same motivation to keep one foot in front of the other without them.

    I found I was going to be a mum with my first son before I had even thought about having children (at 18), but it gave me the motivation to give up drinking immediately and try to pull myself together (I was a mess for a couple of years before that). My Dad never forgave me for having a child at that age though, and the rest of the world does not look kindly upon young mums either. When I look back, it was probably a selfish decision on my part, but I know I could not make any other choice at the time. My first son was 13 by the time I had my second.

    1 person found this helpful
  8. Matchy69
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    30 April 2021

    Hi Sleepy and Boudica I was a bit older when I became a parent in my 30s and in my 40s when my son was born.I felt like a single parent even when I was married as my wife at the time would go shopping everyday all day which made it so hard financially for us.The kids have bought me so much joy despite their special needs when it can be so hard at times.We keep fighting on even though we want to give up some times but we don't.I found this site as another way of coping and talking about how I am struggling at times.

    The news with my son is he is back to his normal self and seems to have recovered so hopefully he doesn't get worst again.

    My daughter main focus is her school formal that is in September.Her mother will be taking her shopping for a dress tomorrow.

    Take care,

    Mark

    1 person found this helpful
  9. Boudica
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    195 posts
    30 April 2021 in reply to Matchy69

    Hello Sleepy and Mark,

    I hope you had a great day today. I am stressed, as I have a lot of uni work to do and really sick of being at my desk! I tried sitting outside for a change, but was just to glary on my laptop screen. I have been replying to some posts here to rest my brain. lol

    Wow Mark, your ex-wife must really like shopping! Or perhaps it was her way to hide from stress? Not fond of shopping personally......doing it every day seems like an odd kind of torture - unless it was plants (though I think I would tire of that pretty quick)! I was single with my first son (his father was a creepy guy who was a friend of my housemate that was more that a decade older than me, who took advantage when I was under the influence). I was not single with the second but got little help from my ex too (he vanished a lot too - not shopping though).

    I am so glad your son is doing well. How exciting for your daughter, formals seem to be such a big deal these days. I hope she finds a dress she feels great wearing, girls are usually so self conscious about their bodies and clothes.

  10. Matchy69
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    30 April 2021 in reply to Boudica

    Hi Boudica I can understand you being so stressed with your study.I know I would struggle with it.

    I managed to get out in the vegie garden until it started to rain.I will probably have a full on day tomorrow with my son.Feeling depressed tonight.I have been having a bit of a cry swishing things could have been a bit different with some things.

    Take care,

    Mark.

  11. Boudica
    Boudica avatar
    195 posts
    1 May 2021 in reply to Matchy69

    Hi Mark,

    Study is something I do for myself. I enjoy it, but I get behind when I have Blake home for weeks. He was sick 2 weeks this term and I was sick for 1, then I had school holidays, so it has just made it very hard to stay on top of it.

    Glad you spent some time in your garden. I am sorry you are feeling sad. It is only natural that you wish some things had been different, as you have had some big setbacks in life. Crying is cathartic.

    I hope the new day brings you strength and peace.

  12. Sleepy21
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    1 May 2021 in reply to Boudica

    Hey Boudaica and Mark,

    I admire that you get out and about to help your mood. And wow the vegie garden! How's it looking? Sometimes simple things break up the cycle so well when we feel down.
    I like to go to a cafe and read the paper when my mood is low.
    It'snot a nice or friendly cafe, but it has a nice outdoor space, which is how I cope.
    Hope you are enjoying the lovely weather and feeling okay.

  13. Matchy69
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    1 May 2021 in reply to Sleepy21

    Hi Sleepy the day here has turned a bit cold with it becoming overcast and windy after starting of sunny.

    Its good to get out in the vegie garden.I always liked growing my own vegies and its good for the kids to get outside in the garden.

    There is no cafe in this town only a pub and a post office.When I lived in the city I use to go out once a fortnight for breakfast.

    I just have my son at the moment and my daughter is in town with her mother choosing as formal dress and they are going to see a movie.My son's not very active today just in his bed and can't seem to get him to do much.

    Take care,

    Mark.

  14. Matchy69
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    1 May 2021
    Is it to much for my ex to pick up our son when she says she will.He gets so upset and thinks isn't coming .She does this everytime and it just gets to me when she is so late and sees how upset my son is.
  15. Sleepy21
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    1 May 2021 in reply to Matchy69

    Hi Mark

    do the kids stay together or do they sometimes stay only one at urs and one at ur ex?
    What movie did they see today?

    I would like to go to the movies tomorrow as a treat for myself. Or maybe I'll wait til Tuesday for half-tix.

    So sorry your ex was late and stressed out your son. Hope ur okay, that is upsetting. No one likes waiting and being at some else's mercy.
    Hope u enjoyed some time in the sun today amongst nature. We have lots of cafes here and I go to one closest to me but the service is awful.
    Today I ordered a chai with soymilk she was shocked "that's a change.... just soy today then?"
    "I have it with soy every time" I said
    "I always put in regular milk."

    she is a terrible communicator lol I definitely said soy, but okay. Depressing place but it has an outdoor area which I go to because it helps my depression to be exposed to the sun. Maybe I have S.A.D (Season Affective disorder).

    Sorry to ramble on ur thread. Thinking of u all and hope ur son is okay and got picked up wthout excessive stress on him

  16. Boudica
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    195 posts
    1 May 2021 in reply to Matchy69

    Hi Mark,

    Your ex and mine seem to have some things in common, vanishing for one, lateness for another! He used to be late to collect our son even though time was arranged same each time (he showed up consistently an hour late), so I changed the time an hour later, since he was struggling to make it. He then was an hour late for the new time consistently. So now I always deliver him (it is less than 5 minutes drive), on time every time or I txt and explain how late and why (like a normal person!). I don't understand why some people are like this. Almost seems like a game. It is annoying, and it is stressful for an autistic child, who wants routine and predictability.

    How was your day aside from the irritation of your exes games?

  17. Boudica
    Boudica avatar
    195 posts
    1 May 2021 in reply to Sleepy21

    Hi Sleepy,

    I think I used to be really detrimentally affected by Autumn/winter years ago when I was renting and lived in dark gloomy houses. It made a huge difference to move to a house that is really bright and has lots of windows to the garden, and an easy connection to outside. It really is worth making an effort to get plenty of sunlight, if you think this might be impacting you. Do you have somewhere to sit outside at home? It can be hard for some urbanites in flats. If not could you make a little cheery area with a chair and some pot plants on a balcony?

  18. Matchy69
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    2 May 2021

    Hi sleepy and Boudica I have no idea I didn't get a chance to speak to my daughter last night as it was really cold when I put my son in the car when he was cranky.She bought a dress and it cost me $129 down from $260.She looks nice in it in the photo I was sent.

    The weather and seasons have a lot to do with your mental health.If it is cold and miserable you feel depressed.I remember a motivational speaker saying some people complain it's cold and others will go skiing.Your going to get the cold weather you just need to make the most of it and find away of enjoying yourself even if it is just sitting in front of a fire toast marshmallows.I think you are doing it sleepy by going to a coffee place and sitting in the sun reading the paper.I have made this new garden bed around my water tanks and I have a seat there and it gets full son all day there.I like to pick some mandarins and sit there and eat them and last year was sitting there all day at times.

    Take care,

    Mark.

  19. Boudica
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    195 posts
    4 May 2021 in reply to Matchy69

    Hello Mark,

    How's things? Is your son well enough for school yet? It's great your daughter has her formal to look forward to. She did so well to get through school despite her challenges, as it is often tough if you are a bit different. Times of transition are exciting but can also really bring out anxiety, especially since school is all she would have known so far, how is she coping with it all?

    I have to choose a high school for my son soon. I have been on several tours, but it is just so hard to know where he will fit. He has a preferred choice, but it is a special technology school that is difficult to get in to, so I am concerned he will be disappointed. Our local zone school he said was creepy and he did not like the odour (it has carpets in some classrooms, which I feel is not good for allergies /asthma or those who are sensory sensitive like him).

    I hope you are having a nice day.

  20. Matchy69
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    4 May 2021 in reply to Boudica

    Hi Boudica my son is back at school and seems to have recovered ok.Hopefully he has a good day.

    My daughter is looking forward to finishing school.She really wants to find a job in the animal care industry.Which will be hard to find and a completely different experience looking for work and not having the safe guard of school.

    We only had one choice of high school here as the others are like an hour away including the special needs school.I hope you can find something suitable and it works for you.It is really a big decision with a special needs child.

    Take care,

    Mark.

  21. Boudica
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    195 posts
    6 May 2021 in reply to Matchy69

    Hi Mark,

    That's great your daughter has a goal to work toward. Perhaps there are opportunities for her to volunteer with animals to get some experience, such as at an animal shelter? Alternately, there maybe someone with an animal grooming business that could use a casual helper. I know you are in a rural location, so that can make it harder, but then there are different opportunities in rural areas, such as larger animal vets, that work more with cattle and horses. It can be hard for young people to get that first start, but if she has a clear interest, hopefully she will find someone willing to give her a go. Tafe has an animal handling course if she wants to study further but not wanting to study vet science.

    I went to school in the country, on the Fleurieu Peninsula , where everyone just went to an area school that serviced many towns and farms in the region. I had some really great teachers at my school, and I really enjoyed primary school and I wish my son could have had the same experience.

    Although, theoretically there are several high schools nearby for my son, it is hard to get in to the good ones, if not in the zone. I think schools in the city vary in quality greatly depending on where they are situated. Excellent quality schools in the wealthy suburbs, awful schools in the working class areas, it is very segregated. Where we live is not one of the poor outer suburbs but it is still working class and not great for schooling, especially for a child who needs a lot of support to function.

    How are you going at the moment with yourself and your own wellbeing? I am really struggling and overwhelmed at the moment, though nothing much has changed, everything just seems harder somehow.

  22. Boudica
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    195 posts
    7 May 2021 in reply to Matchy69

    Good Morning Mark,

    Thinking of you and your mandarin tree.

    It must be nice waking up in a small country town. The town I grew up was small but not tiny, it had four pubs and five churches and a milkbar. It is so nice to have space around where the landscape has a stronger presence. One thing I really missed when I moved to the city was that the city is never dark, not really, as the street lights have a haze that infiltrates everywhere. Where I live now is between the beach and a lake. The beach is a nice wide sandy beach, but the lake has been manipulated by development, so is a bit sterile (more a boating lake now), but was once a natural wetland. The housing density around here is increasing rapidly as the old larger blocks are cleared and subdivided. Having these two open spaces that are free of the crush of houses is soothing to me, but I often long to get away from the city.

    Have a nice day :)

  23. Matchy69
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    7 May 2021 in reply to Boudica

    Hi Boudica I am sorry I am really struggling out the moment.I have been struggling with things to.I have an ex wife who wants to make things miserable at the moment and battling with my own health issues.

    My daughter's doing a couple of TAFE courses through the school at the moment for horse care and agricultural .She will apply for jobs in the big town as well as places in smaller towns she can apply for in the area.I don't know how she will go with her anxiety.She didn't go to school yesterday because of it.

    I hope you can find the right high school for your son and you can get into it.I just went to the local high school in the big city but it was really bad bullying and I dropped out not being able to stand the bullying anymore.

    I hope you can get into your study and find some enjoyment with it.

    Take care,

    Mark.

  24. Sleepy21
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    7 May 2021 in reply to Matchy69

    Hi Mark

    hope ur taking care and so sorry to hear u are struggling.

    Hi Boudaica, love ur presence here on the forums and love chatting to u

    Thinking of u guys

  25. Matchy69
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    7 May 2021 in reply to Sleepy21
    Thanks sleepy.Your presence on here is always welcome and good to see .
  26. Boudica
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    195 posts
    8 May 2021 in reply to Matchy69

    Hello Mark,

    Sorry you are struggling at the moment. Always here if you feel like chatting, or not.

    That's great your daughter is doing Ag and working with horses. I studied Ag in high school (compulsory at my school, but I liked it).

    My eldest son had anxiety issues with high school too. He got his first part time job after school by emailing local businesses he would like to work for to introduce himself and ask if they need any help. I think he found it less stressful than when applying for advertised jobs, as there is so much competition for these, and it is often the well-spoken confident ones who get chosen (though they don't always make the best workers). He eventually decided to go to uni (studying IT), and he works at a pub doing pokies and drinks. He has more confidence now than in school. I think he needed some time to recover after the stress of school.

    I left school early, I wasn't bullied and I was a good student, but was anxious, and life outside school was really unstable. Bullying can really change a course of kids lives though and needs to be taken seriously by teachers.

  27. Boudica
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    195 posts
    8 May 2021 in reply to Sleepy21
    Thanks sleepy, love chatting to you to :)
  28. Matchy69
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    11 May 2021 in reply to Boudica

    Hi Boudica when I was in school the teachers response to bullying was to just ignore it.Today they have no bullying policies in school.I wonder if my life would be different if they had it back then.Today they try and stamp it out but it isn't always picked up on and still goes on.

    Take care,

    Mark.

  29. Sleepy21
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    11 May 2021 in reply to Matchy69

    hi mark

    i agree that bullying is still a major problem

    there is also cyber bullying now which is a huge problem for young ppl. They see someone talkign about them online and are very upset or they get inundated with messages. I think sometimes teachers talk more than they act.... they talk a lot about doing things to stop bullying but they don't actually do it. The kids who are bullied struggle a lot. I hope for kids who are bullied that they can find just one friend to stand by them, sometimes that changes everything.

    How have your kids been?

  30. Matchy69
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    11 May 2021 in reply to Sleepy21

    Hi Sleepy my son's good but my daughter's been off school with a sore throat.The doctor didn't send her for a covid test this time thankfully.She has been tested about 6 times.

    It really is a different form of bullying these days with cyber bullying.It really is hard to stamp out.Cyber bullying happens in all ages and can effect anybody and cause mental health problems.

    Take care,

    Mark.

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