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by Mum Chris
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Supporting family and friends with a mental health condition (carers)

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by Summer Rose
15 hours ago

Topic: struggling with special needs children

  1. Jstar49
    Jstar49 avatar
    824 posts
    21 January 2021

    Hi Mark,

    I agree with what Em has said, a nice balance between your innate kindness and concern for your kids and their home life, and recognising that you are important too. Looking after you is also helping your kids, so whatever you can do to keep your boat stable in the waters of life with all it's challenges, is definitely worth it.

    Maybe while you're enjoying time with your kids, in these last few days, you can talk to your son about any concerns he has, and brainstorm some strategies- gently, and maybe choose your time, when he is relaxed but not just before bed or anything. Then you could make some notes and be prepared for informing the school of anything you'd like them to know. I have a note on my fridge for my d's teacher, so that I won't forget when those early parent teacher meetings happen. We have some in the first week or so now, usually, for all kids if parents want that.

    This is definitely the time for enjoying the last days of holidays, preparing for the new school year by being organised and relaxed at home.

    I braved the shops yesterday and bought new school shoes, plus new swimmers for me. I felt a high sense of achievement when I got home! Two huge things in one afternoon!

    All the best Mark,

    J*

  2. Matchy69
    Valued Contributor
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    Matchy69 avatar
    5818 posts
    21 January 2021
    Hi Jstar and Em.Thanks for your suggestions.I will go to my daughter's high school tomorrow and pay her fees so that is done.I am just feeling so anxious at the moment making sure they have everything.The primary contact us soon and we will have a chat about the plan for the year is.Is a bit odd having school start in the middle of the week because of the Australia Day holiday.
    I don't answer my phone usually after a certain time.My ex is very needy and gets very upset if you don't text back straight away.She has bipolar and was never easy to live with.
    Take care,
    Mark.
    1 person found this helpful
  3. Jstar49
    Jstar49 avatar
    824 posts
    21 January 2021 in reply to Matchy69

    You've got this Mark!

    I understand that you're feeling anxious, but one thing at a time....

    Cheers,

    J*

  4. Matchy69
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    Matchy69 avatar
    5818 posts
    22 January 2021 in reply to Jstar49
    Hi Jstar just been to the high school and paid the fees for the year so one thing done of my list.
    1 person found this helpful
  5. Missing user
    Missing user avatar
    22 January 2021
    Hey Mark, just popping in to say I'm thinking of you
  6. Matchy69
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    Matchy69 avatar
    5818 posts
    22 January 2021 in reply to Missing user
    Hi Tayla I hope you are doing ok.Thinking of you to.
    1 person found this helpful
  7. Missing user
    Missing user avatar
    22 January 2021 in reply to Matchy69
    Thanks Mark, I'm ok I guess. I'll reply on my own thread at some point, haven't felt like checking it.
  8. Matchy69
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    Matchy69 avatar
    5818 posts
    22 January 2021 in reply to Missing user
    Ok Tayla I am always here to talk
    1 person found this helpful
  9. Missing user
    Missing user avatar
    22 January 2021 in reply to Matchy69
    Thanks Mark, I'm always here to talk to you too.
    1 person found this helpful
  10. Matchy69
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    Matchy69 avatar
    5818 posts
    24 January 2021
    Hi all tomorrow I decided to take the kids bowling as my son has been asking me to take him.A little fun before school starts maby help them take away the stress of school starting.I can tell my daughter is getting very anxious with going back to school.I am anxious about so many different things at the moment.My head feels like it is going to explode.A lot of drama happening with my ex at the moment,their usually always is.
    Take care,
    Mark.
    1 person found this helpful
  11. Missing user
    Missing user avatar
    24 January 2021 in reply to Matchy69

    Sounds fun with the bowling Mark, I hope you all have a nice time.

    I'm sorry to hear about the drama with your ex.

  12. Matchy69
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    Matchy69 avatar
    5818 posts
    24 January 2021 in reply to Missing user
    Thanks Tayla.I am glad we can still go bowling.Probably not a good idea for me to be bowling but it will be nice to get out of the house.
    Take care,
    Mark.
  13. Missing user
    Missing user avatar
    24 January 2021 in reply to Matchy69
    Enjoy either way Mark. I haven't been Bowling in ages, I suck at it anyway haha
  14. Jstar49
    Jstar49 avatar
    824 posts
    25 January 2021

    Hi Mark,

    That sounds like a great thing to do before school goes back, good on you! It takes energy to do something different hey, but making memories and getting minds off the stressful stuff is usually a GOOD THING!

    What else is going on for you? You said you're mind feels like it's going to explode- is it about the car for your ex and all that? Can you identify the stressors and deal with them one by one? Sometimes I find if I write them all down, it helps me get it out of my head and into a space that I can make sense of it. Sort it out, the things you can do something about, and the things you can't and just have to accept, or wait and see what happens.

    It sounds like a difficult situation with your ex. Is she able to access support for herself? If she's bipolar, is she on medication? and getting counselling?

    Sounds like firm boundaries is a must with her! Glad you have already put some in place re- not answering your ph after a certain time. Must be hard for the kids.

    Take care, this part will be over soon. Just do your best, it's enough.

    Cheers

    J*

  15. Matchy69
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    Matchy69 avatar
    5818 posts
    26 January 2021 in reply to Jstar49
    Hi Jstar bowling was fun the kids enjoyed themselves and my son won bowling so he was excited.
    Tomorrow will be the first time I haven't dropped my daughter at school on the first day of school.It puts a year in my eye.
    So much going on kids,school,ex,car,health,surgery coming up soon.I worried what will have do when she finishes school.The government dosnt care,I probably have to care for her.I don't know how this year is going for my son.
    I hoping things will workout but don't know.
    Take care,
    Mark.
    1 person found this helpful
  16. Matchy69
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    Matchy69 avatar
    5818 posts
    28 January 2021
    An interesting first day for the kids.My daughter apparently was so anxious she wanted to iron her uniform but the iron wasn't working so then was refusing to go but did in the end.
    My son is in a large class of 23 students which is twice as big as the class last year.He hasn't done well in large classes and did better in smaller ones.Its just the way it works out.I feeling bad with it all.Mu depression really bad at the moment.
    Take care,
    Mark.
    1 person found this helpful
  17. Missing user
    Missing user avatar
    28 January 2021 in reply to Matchy69
    Sorry to hear that Mark, I'm thinking of you. You're a great Dad and a great person.
  18. Matchy69
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    Matchy69 avatar
    5818 posts
    28 January 2021 in reply to Missing user
    Thanks Tayla I try to be the best dad possible.
    1 person found this helpful
  19. Missing user
    Missing user avatar
    28 January 2021 in reply to Matchy69
    That's good to hear Mark
  20. Jstar49
    Jstar49 avatar
    824 posts
    31 January 2021

    Hey Mark,

    How are things going now?

    Gosh I can relate to the story of your d getting more anxious when the iron wasn't working- these things can really set off a chain reaction hey! Glad to hear she coped with it and ended up going to school. Sometimes it's the overcoming of problems thats the real learning. Brene Brown's quotes are a good reminder of that.

    I've just been looking for a nice quote to put in my d's card. Em suggested I make and post a handmade card, so I've just about finished that process.

    What have you been doing lately? Apart from stressing about kids and cars and problems that is....Hope you've been finding time to do nice things for yourself.

    Cheers,

    J*

  21. Matchy69
    Valued Contributor
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    Matchy69 avatar
    5818 posts
    31 January 2021 in reply to Jstar49
    Hi Jstar it's nice to hear from you.It was a short week for the kids back at school so it probably was a good way of easing them back into it.
    I haven't really done much lately as I been struggling a lot with my depression.I have prefers a shed and have to prepare the site for it.I will try and do it this week.
    I had a text from my ex's father asking me for advice what to do about this car for her.They were going to buy her a car but she is being stubborn and not happy with the suggestions of cars.I rather her parents bought her a car and not me.
    Take care,
    Mark
    1 person found this helpful
  22. Missing user
    Missing user avatar
    31 January 2021
    Hey Mark, just popping in to say I'm thinking of you.
  23. Matchy69
    Valued Contributor
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    Matchy69 avatar
    5818 posts
    31 January 2021
    Hi Tayla thankyou
    1 person found this helpful
  24. Missing user
    Missing user avatar
    31 January 2021 in reply to Matchy69
    You're welcome Mark, how are you going?
  25. Matchy69
    Valued Contributor
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    Matchy69 avatar
    5818 posts
    31 January 2021 in reply to Missing user
    Hi Tayla I am going that well at the moment but that' ok that' how it is.
  26. Missing user
    Missing user avatar
    31 January 2021 in reply to Matchy69
    Sorry to hear that Mark, anything I can do?
    1 person found this helpful
  27. Matchy69
    Valued Contributor
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    Matchy69 avatar
    5818 posts
    1 February 2021 in reply to Missing user
    All's good Tayla I went to sleep after I took my stuff that helps me sleep.
    1 person found this helpful
  28. Jstar49
    Jstar49 avatar
    824 posts
    1 February 2021 in reply to Matchy69

    Hey Mark,

    Yeah I sometimes have to have a break when I get a bad headache -they've been lasting for a few days each time. It makes me aviod the computer for awhile.

    Short week is a good week!

    My kid had the day off today so we're easing into school gradually lol!

    Sounds good if your ex's parents can buy her a car- their problem then! Perhaps they need to ask her what are her priorities in a car, and then give her some choices based on that? I don't like it when others choose my car. Funny how they end up being a reflection of one's personality....

    A shed sounds like a practical distraction.

    What do you do for fun/enjoyment? In an ideal world what would a fun afternoon look like for Mark?

    I painted some cards recently- that was fun. Less serious than 'artwork' but still very artistic. Thats just me.

    Cheers,

    J*

  29. Matchy69
    Valued Contributor
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    Matchy69 avatar
    5818 posts
    2 February 2021 in reply to Jstar49
    Hi Jstar I am sorry you get bad headaches,my ex
    gets bad migrains.I hop her parents can sort something out soon.Most of money is tied up in assets.I don't want to sell my nature reserve.I have to work out how I can always keep it as a nature reserve even in 100 years time.I don't trust governments.
    My afternoons are usually pretty boring as I am usually to tired to do much I just watch tv.I fell asleep about 5pm yesterday.I try and do things in the morning if I am feeling up to it.The shed is for my motorbike restorations.
    Take care,
    Mark.
    1 person found this helpful
  30. Matchy69
    Valued Contributor
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    Matchy69 avatar
    5818 posts
    2 February 2021
    Hi all my kids have been going to school ok.My son has been wearing undies to school but yesterday went himself so this morning he put a pull-up on.I worry if he will ever have full control or this will be forever.The doctor said it might be.I wonder what will happen to him as I am not real well and getting older.Just one day at a time I suppose.

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