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by Mum Chris
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Supporting family and friends with a mental health condition (carers)

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20 hours ago
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by Summer Rose
16 hours ago

Topic: struggling with special needs children

  1. Missing user
    Missing user avatar
    14 March 2021 in reply to Matchy69

    Hey Mark.

    Just popping in to say I hope your surgery went well and I hope the recovery is getting quicker and easier. I also hope you and your kids had a good birthday

  2. Matchy69
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    5818 posts
    15 March 2021
    Hi Jstar and Tayla ,I have been in a lot of pain this afternoon from the surgery which is expected.I just go through periods of pain and can't do anything.
    It's painful watching my daughter trying to help out.I am so use to being independent and doing everything myself.
    My son had his school photos today,they probably did them inside as it's been raining here most of the day.
    Take care,
    Mark.
    2 people found this helpful
  3. Jstar49
    Jstar49 avatar
    824 posts
    15 March 2021 in reply to Matchy69

    Hey Mark, and hi all,

    Mark I can imagine it is hard watching your d struggling with things you would normally do, but really, what a fantastic opportunity! If you can just enjoy it, and show your appreciation (even if it's not a very good job) then not only will you feel better, and heal more quickly, she will feel fantastic, and see how much you need her help. Thats really good for kids.

    I still remember the first time I ever swept anything. It was on a visit to my great grandmothers, and she wanted her shed swept. We got so dusty and dirty, and I'm sure we did a lousy job, but she rewarded us both with a little china ornament- I still have mine!- And I felt so important!

    Its an absolute gift and a privelege to be able to help others- you KNOW this Mark! I have read how much you enjoy helping others! Maybe it's time to let others help you...?

    Just a thought.

    Cheers, and get well soon,

    J*

    PS Sorta raining here, got lots last nite tho.

    I see NSW now has the mice plague.....

  4. Matchy69
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    5818 posts
    16 March 2021 in reply to Jstar49
    Hi Jstar it was great to hear from you.I am getting old and set in my ways these days probably coming more like my mother in and my dad who was a perfectioness.
    I am hoping to get my daughter to get my vegie garden ready this weekend so I can plant up when I get some seedlings.
    I am hoping we don't get any interruptions to school this year as it being my daughter's last year.I was getting a bit nervous their the other day even though we were out of the area but no lock downs so far.
    I think with all the rain we have had it has got rid of most of the mice and the plague seems to be over for now.Their is still the odd one.
    I think I have been over doing things and just hanged the washing out hoping it will dry in this overcast weather.
    Take care,
    Mark.
    1 person found this helpful
  5. Missing user
    Missing user avatar
    16 March 2021 in reply to Matchy69
    Hey Mark, I hope you feel better soon, sorry about your daughter. At least you finally had the surgery since I know you were waiting ages for it.
  6. Matchy69
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    5818 posts
    16 March 2021 in reply to Missing user
    Slowly improving if I don't over do things which is my problem I should be just bed resting.
    1 person found this helpful
  7. Missing user
    Missing user avatar
    16 March 2021 in reply to Matchy69
    Take care Mark, I hope you get better soon
  8. Jstar49
    Jstar49 avatar
    824 posts
    18 March 2021

    Hi Mark,

    great to hear you're feeling a bit better, must be if you're hanging out the washing!

    But you also know you're overdoing it....hmm, can't be told hey..? lol, just joking, I'm sure you're sick of lying around. Bit to go yet tho.

    I have one of those indoor lines which I use in wet weather, they're great if you're not up to stretching. A sunny room, bit of airflow...

    Planting sounds good. Our rain has stopped anything outside.I'm hoping my seedlings can cope with it. It's torrential tonite, and sposed to get worse tmw. The chooks are very soggy poor things!

    Yeah we've had a good run so far this year with covid. Makes me feel very lucky when I look overseas. PNG, Europe, Brazil. Crazy really how unaffected our lives are, unlike the rest of the world.

    Hopefully it continues, and your d can have the very best year possible.

    Cheers, and get well soon,

    J*

  9. Matchy69
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    5818 posts
    19 March 2021 in reply to Jstar49
    Hi jstar my son had his specialist appointment Wednesday and she didn't say much just reduced his night time medication ànd said he needs to put on 3 kgs in weight .My daughter has not been going this week as she says she's feeling sick but I think it's just anxiety.
    Take care,
    Mark
  10. Jstar49
    Jstar49 avatar
    824 posts
    19 March 2021 in reply to Matchy69

    Hi Mark,

    Thats very specific- 3 kgs.....Did she have anything helpful to suggest about how that could happen?

    I'm wondering if there's activities your d does that are anxiety reducing- maybe you can't help her while she's at school, or help her to want to go to school when her anxiety is high, but if it can be reduced somehow when it's high...excercise, talking, art, funny movies....not sure what works for her....then that can become a healthy coping strategy for life. Like I know I need to keep my walks up when I'm feeling emotional or depressed.

    Hope you are well today my friend. The rain is bucketing down. Don't think we'll make it out of the house for our lunch date!

    Cheers,

    J*

  11. Matchy69
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    5818 posts
    19 March 2021 in reply to Jstar49
    Hi Jstar my son has put on 1.5 kg since he went off his morning medication.His morning medication was causing him to lose weight and so now he's off it he is putting it back on.It was one of the side effects with it and she was always worried about it.
    My daughter did start seeing a psychologist last year but my daughter didn't want to see her and stopped .With my daughter's selective mutism made it hard.My daughter thinks she will get a job at the end of the year and buy a car and she will move out of home.I know this is going to be a long slow process for her.Not sure how she will cope with her anxiety if she did find a job.
    1 person found this helpful
  12. Jstar49
    Jstar49 avatar
    824 posts
    19 March 2021 in reply to Matchy69

    Hi Mark,

    Oh ok, so thats the only strategy, the medication. Your Dr doesn't sound very...wholistic. I guess having a medical viewpoint is good. I like to then try other stuff as well, diet, excercise, things like mindfulness or activities. You're such a nature lover, I imagine you'd be similar..... Well you've talked about how much you value real food.

    Your d might surprise you...?

    Yeah I can see how talking to a shrink mite not work too well for your d. Maybe sand play instead...Have you heard of that? It's kinda for kids, originally, but I had a therapist once who did it with me in our sessions. It was really good! Very creative, good for unlocking subconscious....

    What else does she like to do?

    Cheers,

    J*

  13. Matchy69
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    5818 posts
    19 March 2021 in reply to Jstar49
    Hi Jstar my son got a certificate for being respectful today so that is really good as he has gone off that medication.
    No I don't know much about sand play.I probably no something but not sure.
    2 people found this helpful
  14. Jstar49
    Jstar49 avatar
    824 posts
    20 March 2021 in reply to Matchy69

    Hi Mark,

    Hey thats great! Gotta celebrate the wins hey.

    I haven't heard anyone mentuion sandplay for ages tbh. Maybe it's not a thing anymore. I reckon being present with kids in nature is really similar. Or playing with barbies. Sometimes things come out, are said, which is revealing about the way the child sees the world. It is a specialist field tho, working with kids. But parents have to become psychologists just to parent, so maybe we can do heaps to help.

    Cheers,

    J*

  15. Matchy69
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    5818 posts
    20 March 2021 in reply to Jstar49
    Hi Jstar we first noticed that my daughter had selective mutism when she was around three.We were told she would grow out of it.She is now 17 and still has it with really not much or advice or help for her.My brother had complete mutism to he was about four or five and then one-day he just started to talk.So I thought my daughter might start talking after what I saw with my brother.
    Take care,
    Mark.
    1 person found this helpful
  16. Jstar49
    Jstar49 avatar
    824 posts
    20 March 2021 in reply to Matchy69

    Hi Mark,

    Yeah wow, that would be really hard. And to keep on hoping things would change and get easier for her, and you. I can imagine its kinda embarassing sometimes, I mean we're always telling our kids, say thankyou for having me, say, please can I have a drink. It's a very social/manners thing we usually take for granted.

    Can she explain it at all?

    I'm imagining it to be a severe form of shyness....

    J*

  17. Matchy69
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    5818 posts
    21 March 2021 in reply to Jstar49
    Hi Jstar my daughter won't even talk about it why she can't talk to people.Gets a bit upset if I try and talk to her about it and won't talk about it at all.I have got use to it but it does get frustrating at times and it's a long term worry.
    1 person found this helpful
  18. Matchy69
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    5818 posts
    23 March 2021
    They closed the school due to all the rain this morning.It has been an amazing start to the year for my son with getting three certificates in the first term.Nrxt week is the last week for the term.And only two terms for my daughter to go and she is finished high school for good.Jusy a matter of getting her through those two terms.
    1 person found this helpful
  19. Jstar49
    Jstar49 avatar
    824 posts
    28 March 2021

    Hi Mark,

    It's great that the school is using positive reinforcement with your son. They do say that even with kids with behavioural difficulties, just try and catch them doing the right thing and notice it, reward it, and it will grow.

    What we focus on, grows!

    Cheers,

    J*

  20. Matchy69
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    5818 posts
    28 March 2021 in reply to Jstar49
    Hi Jstar the principle at my son's school is really good Very strict but works with my son and spends a lot of time with him.Shes the best principle the school has had in dealing with the kids with behaviour problems.The others were nice but would just send my son home if he was having a bad day when she keeps him there no matter what even if she has to stay with him or walk around the oval with him to settle him down.The rewards of the principles dedication are showing now.She is totaly dedicated to the students and not taking the easy way out like the others have.
    Take care,
    Mark .
    1 person found this helpful
  21. Sleepy21
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    4153 posts
    28 March 2021 in reply to Matchy69

    hi mark

    i find it a bit hard when i hear they send kids home... it's so good that this principal takes responsibility for the kids in helping them. she sounds awesome!

    1 person found this helpful
  22. Matchy69
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    5818 posts
    28 March 2021 in reply to Sleepy21
    Hi sleepy it must be a state policy here as I have talked to other parents with kids with similar diagnoses as my sons in this state and they have them just sent home even told not to send their child to school to they can control themselves.I have msg the education minister about this.I got no reply but this principle showed up at my son's school so I think my email did have some impact.The more I think about it I think this principle is a true caring principle and I might the health minister again and tell them the difference she has made in my son's life and our lives as well and they can learn a lot from her.
    You can easily make some one a leader but didn't mean they can lead.
    Take care,
    Mark.
    2 people found this helpful
  23. Sleepy21
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    28 March 2021 in reply to Matchy69

    hi mark that's great that changes were made

    and also that u spoke up

    that policy doesn't sit well with me

    u sometimes see kids who can't b managed by one teacher but it's the teacher who just isn't capable

    1 person found this helpful
  24. Matchy69
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    5818 posts
    28 March 2021 in reply to Sleepy21
    Hi Sleepy like we were talking about health professionals in your thread it goes for any professional when you come across a good one you do appreciate them and I think this principle is a gem and needs appreciated for her the extra effort she goes to
  25. Matchy69
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    5818 posts
    30 March 2021
    My daughter has been diagnosed now and has to get tested along with my ex who has the same symptoms.The thing is I get the blame for everytime the kids get sick by my ex.The reason she is blaming me this time is because I was at the hospital Friday for my appointment.My son hasn't been sick so far and I have to isolate.Listenong to my ex you would have thought I bought the virus into country.According to her everything's my fault.I am just sick of feeling like crap because her.
  26. Jstar49
    Jstar49 avatar
    824 posts
    30 March 2021 in reply to Matchy69

    Hi Mark,

    Don't feel crap becos of anyone else. I'm telling myself this A LOT. Don't let them have the power. You're better than that.

    Hey it sounds like you mean your d has to get tested for corona...? Bummer! Were you guys in Brisbane?

    Cheers,

    J*

  27. Matchy69
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    5818 posts
    30 March 2021 in reply to Jstar49
    No we haven't been to Brisbane bit other people have and have been to places that you must get tested.Hopefully they are ok.I started some new medication which has heaps of side effects but have noticed any yet.
    I was the one that walked out of the marriage after she cheated on me with someone who I thought was my best friend.My ex response was just get over it .I couldn't get over it especially after other things that have happened over my lifetime .
    1 person found this helpful
  28. Matchy69
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    5818 posts
    31 March 2021
    A bit annoyed that my ex didn't take herself and daughter to get tested today and she isn't going to do it tomorrow.
  29. Jstar49
    Jstar49 avatar
    824 posts
    31 March 2021

    Hi Mark,

    Are they self isolating? or business as usual.....

    I wonder if this is going to be big...we know of at least one person in our area who was at that pub....

    I can understand you splitting over an infidelity- esp one that close to home. I guess you lost your two VIPs. Thats very sad Mark.

    Hugs,

    J*

  30. Boudica
    Boudica avatar
    195 posts
    1 April 2021 in reply to Matchy69
    It is difficult sharing children with an ex when you are not on the greatest of terms, as the hurt can turn to an ugly bitterness, that comes out in everything they do. My ex will not take our son to doctors or support appointments or drive him to any activities, despite being presently being unemployed. Sometimes I think he refuses to do regular parent stuff just as a micro-aggression against me, but it is probably just laziness. When my son was ill and I had to take him for a covid test he was really anxious about it, especially given his sensory issues that come with autism, but did really well (there was some gasping and sneezing), and was given the all clear. I hope your daughter is okay.

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