Welcome to the Healthy Families forums!

This is a space to ask questions, share experiences and support each other. Find a relevant thread or start your own!

Before you can post or reply in these forums, please join our online community and have a read of the community rules. Forum membership is open to anyone residing in Australia.

  • share on Facebook
  • share on Twitter
  • Print page

Topic: Support bipolar partner get help & stop drinking

2 posts, 0 answered
  1. Overwhelmed Mum
    Overwhelmed Mum  avatar
    1 posts
    12 February 2019

    Hi,

    I need help on how best to handle 2 situations.

    The past 2 years have been very full on with birth of our 3rd child that I had GD & turned high risk due to clinical errors thay I didn't receive the right care, a lot of family drama & a death on my partners side.We are now both dealing with our own mental health. I've been diagnosed with Anxiety and stress. Had 3 nervous breakdown in a year. He was originally diagnosed with depression & medicated unfortunately he's only become worse especially with any new problem that's come our way. He becomes distant, drinking, spends money we don't have & gets uncontrollable sexual urges. Then goes into what I call fix it mode getting financial help & trying to make up for his errors. He started seeing a psychologist but stopped. Everytime he goes through a bad stage it's worse one he become verbally abusive & then recently moved out leaving me & the kids in a terrible financial state he can't afford to pay child support & also have overdue bills. Hes waiting to see a psychiatrist to be correctly diagnosed doc thinks bipolar.

    Hes been drinking every day since even drop the kids of early so he can go drink. Said he had no money to help with school books but brought alcohol for a big weekend. I also found out he was trying to by drugs that weekend & that's never been him. We had a emergency Saturday night and he was to busy drinking to come help so I had all 3 kids at the hospital to 3.30am. The next day he was really remorseful & seen his GP & they are currently trying to get him emergency care.

    He dose open up to me when he's ready to hear it he told me what his sex drive feels like and yesterday how he doesn't even want to see the kids. Then he also pushes me away. how do I best help him though this with out making it worse?

    Also he doesn't know I even suspect this but he says stuff & know when he's lying so easy to put together. I believe he's spending a lot of time with someone from his work & I need to make him see it's not good for him. They tease co-workers via text, this person is a big drinker who sees it's ok to drown out your problems & I know this is his drug connection as he's told me once about a family member of there's been into that whole seen. So is there a way to gently help someone see this? He dose listen to me at times & have changed his view of something with putting across my opinion.

    thanks for reading & any help.

  2. white knight
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    white knight avatar
    8227 posts
    12 February 2019 in reply to Overwhelmed Mum

    Hi and welcome

    Yes, you are in quite a pickle at the moment. Your struggle will however settle down over time. Time, that's what will change things.

    Depending on your standards and patience, you can try to change your tack a bit. I'm thinking along the lines of being a really good listener. After he talks to you about some issues (even if drunk), try to ask a calm slow question. Do this a number of times and he will feel your friendship is really important to him. Then you can slowly ask him "do you think we can see someone together, a counselor or similar?" But take your time.

    Your standards however will dictate this. If he is seeing some other woman then you have to choose whether you proceed with your soft comfort talking. If he is a danger to his kids eg drink driving, taking drugs etc then that's is to be taken seriously.

    I think he needs help. It is your call whether you help him or not. If you do then your mission is to get him to a stage where you are his friend in need. His behavior doesn't seem to be measured nor logical and that means he is out of control.

    Gain his trust, keep calm, talk softly and slowly, if he breaks down then place a hand on his shoulder...and keep quiet or say "it's all ok, I'm here"....

    Well done in contacting us for ideas and support. That is very proactive.

    TonyWK

    1 person found this helpful

Stay in touch with us

Sign up below for regular emails filled with information, advice and support for you or your loved ones.


Sign me up