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Topic: Supporting my adult son who has depression and anxiety. What to say what not to say

6 posts, 0 answered
  1. peacedove
    peacedove avatar
    2 posts
    7 December 2018
    Hello, I am struggling with how to respond to my son at the moment, nothing seems to help and then I am left feeling useless and helpless to relieve his pain. Is there a "right"' way to respond to his negative thoughts?
  2. IsaJett
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    IsaJett avatar
    66 posts
    7 December 2018 in reply to peacedove

    Hi peacedove

    Welcome to this forum .. I think ..just simply by listening to him would help lots if he ever talks to u about it. Give a hug 🤗 I know when I’m down I love just a set of ears and a hug ...just for me to let it out .Dont be too hard on yourself as it isn’t your fault. I would suggest some meditation videos by Jason Stephenson which provided relief for me ..and gave me clarity .or just some peace. Just search him up on YouTube ,.type Jason Stephenson Peace.. that was what I started with ..but there loads of others . I hope this will help you both .

    there are lots of helpline ..that u can suggest he calls ..as they are trained professionals ..I know I called a while ago ..and it helped lots ..and they defintely made me feel a whole lot better..he remain anonymous and can let it out completely .

    cos sometimes ..u r his mom ...so I think .,he would not entirely open up . So try to convince him to call ..good luck with it ..please keep us posted on how u going along

    stay well

  3. Star Jasmine
    Star Jasmine avatar
    5 posts
    7 December 2018 in reply to peacedove

    Hi peacedove,

    There's no right or wrong thing to say as such, but I think the most important thing is just to be there, whether that's to have a chat, check in with him via text/phone, take him out somewhere, try to get his mind off the negative thoughts. And most of all let him know he is loved!

    Trust me, you are not useless! Anxiety and depression can just take time to work through, so just supporting him while he is working things out is a good strategy.

    Obviously professional help is important to recovery too. Is he seeing a counsellor?

    Hope this helped. Wishing you and your son the best.

    Star Jasmine

  4. geoff
    Life Member
    • Awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    geoff avatar
    3150 posts
    8 December 2018 in reply to peacedove

    Hello Peacedove, feedback can frequently be given but any negative thinking patterns can have a strong and sometimes devastating effect on our relationships, health, work or ourselves, but with experience it's possible to be free from these thoughts.

    People try distractions, or ‘drowning their sorrows’ only to beat themselves up for still
    being stuck in their negativity, but it doesn’t fix the problem it only prolongs it.

    As your son becomes negative then there are a couple of ways, this might not work for some people, but you have to keep experimenting to each time he is, because his mood may change or it maybe something else completely differently to the last time.

    Putting your feelings into words may benefit or when he can see the bigger picture, it helps us for feedback in its proper perspective, then he can decide how to respond.

    We may not always see him the way he sees himself and when we hear something new, it’s usually a good idea to ask a few questions whether he would have noticed we had seen this before.

    When he has these negative thoughts the problem is he believes these thoughts are true.

    He needs to recognise his unhelpful thinking, but with this you have to be careful the way you say it to him and ease off if you need to.

    Best wishes.


    2 people found this helpful
    OLDGRUMPYPA avatar
    1 posts
    8 December 2018

    Hello Peace Dove.

    Just coming on here & asking has shown how much you love your son. As you have already been told your not useless. Im nearly 60, my best friend is my mum. I wouldn't be here if i didn't have my mum.

    Just let your son know your there for him, which you probably have already. Just remember you are not useless. I think being a family member watching from the outside is harder than the disease.

    All the best to you🌷

    1 person found this helpful
  6. peacedove
    peacedove avatar
    2 posts
    21 December 2018 in reply to geoff
    Thank you geoff I appreciate your thoughtfulness and help. One of the things that is so difficult is that my son is in a job he hates, travel he hates, and in a non supportive environment except for his children. He feels completely stuck with no way out. Any options that are given are always not what he wants and is also highly anxious to take any new path. The medication is helping him but not changing his circumstances is holding him back. Any ideas what I could say to him that is encouraging? that would be useful... thankyou once again....

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