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Topic: Supporting my BF and his anxiety HELP!

3 posts, 0 answered
  1. SMER
    SMER avatar
    11 posts
    6 May 2019
    After some advise please!
    My boyfriend sinks into a terrible hole when anxiety rears its head.
    We don't live together, and he would prefer to SMS me only when he feels unwell.
    He has come a long way, by admitting how he is feeling on occasion.
    However, it's now been about three weeks, and he's starting to get a little abusive.
    I know it's coming from the anxiety and lack of self belief.
    It kind of feels like he's unconsciously testing me.

    I've not changing my behaviour the whole time, and checking in daily with a hello...not necessarily asking any questions. Sometimes I do.
    I figured it would gently help him to know I'm not going anywhere.

    The advise that would really help me....if I stop my daily msg, would that cause more anxiety issues?
    I've not ever encountered anxiety at this level before.
    I just don't want to cause him any more stress.

    Understanding anxiety is important to me.
    Our relationship broke up once before because of his anxiety management.
    I want to support him, because when he is healthy he's amazing.
  2. Angela CR
    Angela CR avatar
    1 posts
    7 May 2019 in reply to SMER

    Hi SMER

    I’m so sorry for what you’re going through. I understand all too well as you just described my current situation with my boyfriend also.

    Understanding his anxiety is something I have never been good at and often I react in personal ways or with frustration.

    What I have learnt is to never blame him, and to just listen. Even if I don’t agree with the ways he handles it (over-medicating himself), I’ve learnt that what helps the most is just being there for him. We used to argue a lot because I would constantly try tell him what he should/shouldn’t be doing in regards to his anxiety, and he would hate that. I guess we will never truly understand what is going through their mind, but we don’t have too. Just being there for support is the most important thing, as I know if it were me I’d feel a lot worse doing things alone.

    in regards to the abuse and toxicity, that’s what I am experiencing right now also. No love what so ever and a refusal to see me. He barely spoke two words to me until today, and I was constantly told to “leave him alone.” Please remember to take care of yourself. Exercise, talk to friends and family, hug your pets if you have any, connect and communicate, and emerge yourself into a passion or work or a hobby. It’s times like this us as the significant other experience the emotional impact of our partners anxiety and there’s no words to describe it. We have to be strong for their sake but we are hurting inside more then they know.

    only you know the ins and outs of your relationship so only you know what will happen if you stop the daily messages. My suggestion is to act as normal as possible to provide a sense of normality for your partner. Make sure he seeks help if needed, and if he still lives at home with his parents and you think he is an immediate threat to himself, please do not be afraid to ask for help.

    im really sorry that you are going through this and I truly hope everything turns out okay. Look after yourself at times like this and believe that things will get better.

    1 person found this helpful
  3. SMER
    SMER avatar
    11 posts
    7 May 2019 in reply to Angela CR
    Thank you so much for this response.
    Sounds odd, but nice knowing I'm not alone in this experience.
    He lives with friends, who don't really know about his issues. (He works nights and sleeps days)

    It's tough.
    I don't know what the next step is...
    It's a daily proposition really.
    But so upsetting to watch a good man fall into a dark hole...and push me away.

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