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Topic: When they won’t help themselves and you’ve done everything you can

2 posts, 0 answered
  1. Namastnae
    Namastnae avatar
    3 posts
    7 February 2020

    I’ve been with my partner for 7 years. He was in the military for 7 years and medically discharged 2 years before we met. He suffers chronic pain, has PTSD, depression, anxiety and one psych said he also told him he has Boarderline Personality Disorder.

    Things are getting worse, not better. We had our second child 7 months ago and he basically checked out....sleeping all day or sitting on the couch, phone in hand, watching TV. In the past he’d have rough patches but nothing that’s ever lasted this long. He has access to all the support services he could need but isn’t really using them. His health is getting worse because he’s gaining weight and not looking after himself. He goes to the dr and they either do nothing or prescribe another pill.

    I’m taking care of myself and apart from home life I’m very happy. I’ve done all the typical ‘take care of yourself’ things.

    Our relationship is a shell. We barely talk, there’s been zero intimacy in 11months and I honestly don’t know if I even care to try work on it because he really needs to work on himself first. What would you do? I can’t force him to do better, seek help and want to live differently. I also don’t want this life to be my forever after.

  2. geoff
    Life Member
    • Awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    geoff avatar
    13385 posts
    8 February 2020 in reply to Namastnae

    Hello Namastnae, welcome to the forums and for very sorry about what is happening with how your partner is feeling who has been medically discharged from the army.

    It's not easy living with someone you have fallen in love with who has finally been known to be suffering from a mental illness because this can create tension, uncertainty, troubled emotions and big changes in how people look at their lives.

    The concern is that as he was medically discharged his understanding could possibly be that none of the medical staff were able to help him and now believes the same may also happen with different medical professionals, however, they all approach, not only the topic, but also with each individual and can't be deemed as the same.

    It's good you are looking after yourself but your own confidence is disappointed when you arrive home, but we need to rely on our doctors to be as pro-active in our concerns as possible and to be caring, appreciate what may happen in the future and relate to how we are thinking.

    If this current relationship has no spark and no reaction from what you may say from time to time and not any sign of intimacy, then you may decide to separate, and I say this for your own protection.

    Take care.


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