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Topic: Worried for Ex with OCD/AVPD

2 posts, 0 answered
  1. sadandreallyconfused
    sadandreallyconfused avatar
    1 posts
    28 February 2019
    My boyfriend of 7 years split up with me exactly 1 month ago, but over the last 2 years he had fallen into a bad mental health space with his OCD/AVPD, I'd been trying my best to support him but he has slowly disappeared from me and at the same time I've had to deal with his abusive toxic parents trying to split us up.
    Over the last 3 months he finally decided to go back to his psychologist which I was initially really happy about, because I felt like finally he had another person to support him and it wasn't just me propping him up anymore.
    I caught an awful virus and had to go into hospital for a week and I think it finally set him off, we had an awful argument about his abusive parents, which made him angry enough to start smashing things, since then he's not been the person I used to know.

    I think he's seriously unwell and has completely shut me out because I'm the only one who can see how unstable he is.
    His behavior of recent times has reminded me of my younger sister who has schizophrenia, she's been through a few episodes of psychosis before, it feels eerily similar.
    He's had face to face contact with me twice, both times we talked until the morning and it was really difficult because one minute he sounded like he wanted to be well and get better, get help, come back to the relationship. Next minute he wanted nothing to do with me.
    The next day he collected his stuff which I very carefully packed up for him, because I've realized there's nothing I can do and I just want to support him because I still very much love him, I decided to write a letter to his psychologist to explain what had happened from my position and how worrying it is to know that he's running around with people that have no idea he could be in a mania.
    He never replied or confirmed that he'd got my email, and I figured well that's okay I guess? I have no part in his life anymore.

    This week I got a letter in mail box from my ex saying why he's breaking up with me, what shocked me though was in this letter he said his psychologist had received my email about him, and had actually let my ex read it. I'd I'd sent this letter to his psych in confidence, I wanted him to know that my ex is very unwell, might need medication to help come back down, and that he might be totally telling you "everything" when you meet.
    My ex said his psych had explained that he was "Ethically Obliged" to show him the email.
    Would it be professional of a psychologist to actually do something like that?
  2. Doolhof
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    Doolhof avatar
    8003 posts
    1 March 2019 in reply to sadandreallyconfused

    Hi sadandreallyconfused,

    It certainly sounds like you are in a situation that is perplexing, you obviously love and care for your ex boyfriend very much and have only wanted to help him.

    I am not sure what the ethical boundaries are with psychologists regarding this person showing your ex the letter you sent.

    How does this make you feel and how can you deal with it? Can you find a way to move forward?

    Do you still want to try to help your ex or do you think it may be beneficial to make a total break and move on with your own life?

    No matter how much we see another person hurting, I feel we are somewhat limited in what we can do to assist them. People need to want to change.

    I hope you can look after yourself in all of this and find ways to move forward.

    Cheers to you from Dools

    1 person found this helpful

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