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Topic: Anxiety about being inadequate

27 posts, 0 answered
  1. Leeroyo1
    Leeroyo1 avatar
    22 posts
    11 September 2020
    I constantly feel inadequate at work. I feel like my co_workers are better than me.
    It does take time for me to learn new things...and l am slow. I try my best. I am constantly worried about making mistakes. I just wish l could feel equal to my collegues.

    There are several younger collegues whom l work with, who have got promoted before me
    I feel like l need to take stock, and realise that my personality doesn't fit into a manegerial position.
    I also struggle giving direction. I like to be directed by my collegues.
    My constant catastrophising over things that may go wrong at work is paralysing me with fear
    I feel like l should be better at my job than what l am.
    Sometimes l feel like my boss thinks l'm a bit of a joke, when it takes longer for me to work out a computer system.
    I'm glad l could post my problems with anxiety on here.
    3 people found this helpful
  2. uncut_gems
    Community Champion
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    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    uncut_gems avatar
    319 posts
    11 September 2020 in reply to Leeroyo1

    Hi Leeroyo1,

    Welcome to the forums! I'm so grateful that you thought to come here. I'm really sorry to hear that your job and workplace are causing you so much anxiety. While it's clear from your post how upset you are, I can also tell that you are someone who is very self-reflexive, with a lot of insight about who you are and what kind of environments you thrive in.

    I would encourage you to have an honest conversation with your boss (unless you do not get on or do not trust them) where you share 1) your concern about your performance and 2) your preference for how you like to be managed. I think it's great to just say, "hey, I'm someone who likes more direction." Not everyone can or should be in a managerial role, and those that are generally appreciate that kind of feedback. There's absolutely no shame in it.

    It's possible that your sense of inadequacy compared to your coworkers are based in your mind, reality, or most likely, a bit of both. Have you ever talked with someone about these anxious feelings before? Either way, we're always here for you on the forums!

    Warmly,

    Gems

    4 people found this helpful
  3. JacintaMarie
    JacintaMarie avatar
    47 posts
    11 September 2020 in reply to Leeroyo1

    Hi Leeroyo1

    I feel the same and I catrasphing as well, I'm trying to fix myself & you've come to the right place,

    I have these thoughts in my head that I'm constantly no good, or I don't do anything right, that my logic & reason is bad, I'm working on this.

    1 person found this helpful
  4. Croix
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    Croix avatar
    9106 posts
    11 September 2020 in reply to Leeroyo1

    Dear Leeroyo1~

    Sometimes it is not easy to tell what are personal faults and what are something else. I worked for a long time thinking I was not doing as good a job as expected, the others did better or quicker, and that my actions could lead to my boss being displeased or worse. I felt I was simply not up to expected standards.

    These feelings then spread to my home life and matter deteriorated.

    In the end I was diagnosed with an anxiety condition and started to get medical help. Now, looking back I can see that that habit of low self esteem and confidence, and worrying about past events and future disasters due to my actions were in fact all the product of anxiety.

    Until I got that support I simply kept on going downhill. Thee was no way I could make matters better by myself, no matter how hard I tried.

    Now I am in a very much better place, I still take meds and see a psych, but that has been going on for years and is simply part of my daily life -I'm good, my work is good and my family gets and gives support and love.

    Unless you are already doing so may I suggest you go see your GP in a long consultation and say how you have been feeling -then take it from there.

    Trying to handle this all alone is very hard. Do you have anyone, family or friend, to lend you personal support? someone you can talk with and gain perspective and care?

    I hope to talk to you again

    Croix

    4 people found this helpful
  5. Leeroyo1
    Leeroyo1 avatar
    22 posts
    13 September 2020 in reply to Croix
    Hi Croix,

    I have neglected seeing my Psych for a long time. I need to go back to my G.P and get a refferal.

    I can relate. I do get fearful that my boss will pull me aside and say l'm not doing a good job.

    I do try and give 100%, but l feel like l can't measure up to my co- workers.

    The weekend is OK, but as Sunday night looms, l know the whole proccess starts again.

    One of my collegues said to me 'Do you have really bad anxiety or something?'

    I get embarrased that others can tell l have anxiety. Most of the time l just try and push through it.

    I am on meds, and they do help. But l know l do need to see my Psych again.

    P.s l am half thinking of trying to change careers, but need to get a hold of my anxiety. I don't want to go from the fryingpan into the fire.
    2 people found this helpful
  6. Leeroyo1
    Leeroyo1 avatar
    22 posts
    13 September 2020 in reply to uncut_gems
    Hi Gems,
    Thank you for your kind words. I think l will try and have an honest conversation with my boss.
  7. Croix
    Community Champion
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    Croix avatar
    9106 posts
    13 September 2020 in reply to Leeroyo1

    Dear Leeroyo1~

    Yes Sunday nights were very poor, and naturally without proper sleep that escalated my feelings of anxiety on Monday -and also led me to find things more difficult as I was tired.

    The worst was being left a massage late Friday afternoon -"the boss wants to talk to you Monday". As it turned out it was always something trivial, not me.

    So yes seeing your GP and getting meds re-examined and therapy is an excellent plan, please let us know how it goes.

    I also think your putting job change on hold is good for a couple of reasons, first it is never a good idea to make life-changing decisions in the grip of anxiety, and second with proper treatment the urgency of any change may go away.

    I hope to hear from you

    Croix

    2 people found this helpful
  8. Leeroyo1
    Leeroyo1 avatar
    22 posts
    14 September 2020 in reply to Croix
    Hi Croix,
    Day one down, 4 to go. Still havn't made an appointment to see my Gp.

    But at least l can ring tomorrow. Posting about it will actually help me not to procrastinate.
  9. Croix
    Community Champion
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    Croix avatar
    9106 posts
    15 September 2020 in reply to Leeroyo1

    Dear Leeroyo1~

    It can be very hard to take that step and ring, do you mind if I ask did you manage it?

    I found it does tend to build up in the mind into a mountain, but when it happens that all seems to fall away.

    Croix

    1 person found this helpful
  10. Leeroyo1
    Leeroyo1 avatar
    22 posts
    18 September 2020 in reply to Croix
    Hi Croix,
    I sadly didn't ring, but l plan to ring tomorrow. It has been a busy week but l got through it.

    It is friday night. I can relax.
    Today was a big day.
    My anxiety does seem to revolve around work. I know on Sunday night the whole thing will start again.
    I am not an idiot, though my anxiety can make it seem that way.

    I am going to try sleep now, and listen to some meditation.

    Leeroy01
    2 people found this helpful
  11. Croix
    Community Champion
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    Croix avatar
    9106 posts
    19 September 2020 in reply to Leeroyo1

    Dear Leeroyo1~

    Thanks for letting us know, making the call is anything but easy - at least before you have done so, when it sort of builds up. I've found once the first consultation was out the way it was an awful lot easier.

    In fact just making the call made me feel better and more in concrol

    Croix

    1 person found this helpful
  12. Leeroyo1
    Leeroyo1 avatar
    22 posts
    19 September 2020 in reply to Croix
    Hi Croix,
    Yes, making the initial consultation is hard. I did it....

    There a few things l want to discuss, perhaps tweaking my meds....

    I feel like Anxiety is my constant companion. It lessens at times, but it never leaves me....

    Breathing techniques help, but l get lazy with it.

    The feeling that l don't measure up is always with me....but l need to realise that l shouldn't compare myself to others who are younger, smarter, or prettier than l am. I am the way l am and l can't change it. I think partly l have spent time wanting to be someone else.

    I used to be very active, but because of certain mental challenges in my life l am not as active as l once was, and have lost a lot of fitness. I would like to get fit again, but it feels too hard.

    Compared to the level l was to the level l am now is chalk and cheese. I feel like l have to start from square one and that is very daunting.

    Maybe l can talk to the GP about that as well.
    Sorry l went off topic.

    Leeroy01

  13. Leeroyo1
    Leeroyo1 avatar
    22 posts
    20 September 2020 in reply to Croix
    Hi Croix,
    It's Sunday again. Listening to meditation, and hoping for an Ok day tomorrow.
    1 person found this helpful
  14. uncut_gems
    Community Champion
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    uncut_gems avatar
    319 posts
    21 September 2020 in reply to Leeroyo1

    Hey Leeroyo1,

    Good on you for making that call! First step done and dusted. Hope you had a relaxing weekend.

    Best,

    Gems

    1 person found this helpful
  15. Leeroyo1
    Leeroyo1 avatar
    22 posts
    22 September 2020 in reply to Leeroyo1
    Hi,

    I do have a partner who is very supportive, and l have a supportive family member who lives close by.
    I have made an appointment for an initial consultation with the G.P.

    For the past 2 days, l have had the opportunity to leave work early. I do feel a bit guilty about leaving work even though my boss aporoved it.

    It's like l can't live in the moment and be happy. When l'm at work, l worry about things going wrong, and when l'm not at work l feel guilty for not being there.

    I wonder if my work colkegues will think l am lazy.
  16. Croix
    Community Champion
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    Croix avatar
    9106 posts
    23 September 2020 in reply to Leeroyo1

    DearLeeroyo1~

    I'm very glad you made that appointment, it is the start. I guess I found I had more to say than would comfortably fit ,and also I'm very prone to leaving things out.

    So I use lists, and hand them over. It works well, all I do is answer questions and amplify where needed. Effective for me - and the doctor who has a template to work though. It also gives me time to get the list right first, I'd never manage that face to face. If you don't get through the list ask for a longer appointment next time.

    As for what your other workmates think of you. Look at them as individuals, are there any whose esteem you would particularly not like to lose? -If so see if you can have private word (I stress private!).

    Things will improve -hang in there Leeroyo1

    Croix

    1 person found this helpful
  17. Leeroyo1
    Leeroyo1 avatar
    22 posts
    23 September 2020 in reply to Croix
    Hi Croix,

    A list sounds really helpful. I have never thought of that before. I also sometimes forget to say everything that is on my mind, but with a list l can write it all down.

    As for my work collegues, that is a good suggestion also.

    Thank you.
    Warm regards.

    Leeroy01
  18. Croix
    Community Champion
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    Croix avatar
    9106 posts
    24 September 2020 in reply to Leeroyo1

    Dear Leeroy01~

    Once both you and the doctor have a list it can be the case of picking out the easy things first, so as to give you wins and encouragement. Wherever you decide you do it together, which is important as you are the one who knows yourself best and can see what helps and what does not.

    Good luck

    Croix

    1 person found this helpful
  19. blondguy
    Life Member
    • Awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    blondguy avatar
    10722 posts
    24 September 2020 in reply to Leeroyo1

    Hi Leeroyo1

    I hope you are doing okay...I posted on your other thread topic a few days ago. I hope you are doing okay!

    You are proactive by making time with your GP. Co-workers can sometimes make our life difficult especially when we are 'overly aware' of their comments. By creating the threads you have here shows inner strength and initiative.

    I think you are amazing

    any questions are always welcome :-)

    Paul

    1 person found this helpful
  20. Leeroyo1
    Leeroyo1 avatar
    22 posts
    26 September 2020 in reply to blondguy
    I'm Ok,
    Just doing the best l can day to day. The weekends go quick, but it's nice to have a break.

    I try to keep a handle on things. I listen to a meditation cd l have had for years, but it works for me.

    Things are a little hard at the moment with lockdown.

    I have had a few setbacks though my life that have been difficult to get through.

    I just worry that things might fall apart, and it has taken so long to get on track.

    For a while l had a cluster of stressors that hit me all at once.

    Sometimes l can't seem to be happy because l worry that things might go wrong.

    I am in a much more stable environment now, and am more supported. I try and look after myself. I don't drink or smoke.
    But l see my GP soon, and hopefully l can talk to him, and see my Psych.

    Thanks to you for your support on here.
    Leeroy01
    1 person found this helpful
  21. Croix
    Community Champion
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    Croix avatar
    9106 posts
    27 September 2020 in reply to Leeroyo1

    Dear Leeroyo1~

    I read that you use a CD at times to help with meditation , which can lead to a calmer state. Sometimes it can help to have an alternative. I've often found that something that has normally been reliable sometimes does not seem to work.

    I use a free phone app called "Smiling Mind"

    https://www.smilingmind.com.au/

    I've found this excellent. It has umpteen settings, many for the NSW Education Department, but many for adults too. I have the attention span of a gnat, and can set it to give me frequent enough prompts to keep my mind on track. It works, it does take a little practice to get used to it.

    Croix

  22. Leeroyo1
    Leeroyo1 avatar
    22 posts
    27 September 2020 in reply to Croix
    Hi,
    Thank you Croix. I will check it out.
    Have a good week ahead.

    Warm regards
    Leeroy01
  23. blondguy
    Life Member
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    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    blondguy avatar
    10722 posts
    27 September 2020 in reply to Leeroyo1

    Hi Leeroyo1

    feeling like things can go wrong is common....I felt the same when I younger and yes it can get in the way of our happiness for sure

    Thankyou for your super kind post! If we didnt have people like yourself posting the forums wouldnt exist

    Great to have you as part of the Beyond Blue forum family Leeroyo1 :-)

    my kind thoughts

    Paul

    1 person found this helpful
  24. Leeroyo1
    Leeroyo1 avatar
    22 posts
    27 September 2020 in reply to blondguy
    Thank you. I stumbled onto this forum by accident. But it has been invaluable to me.
    It's nice to have support.

    My shift has changed at work, and l have to start early. I am a bit anxious about waking up on time which is causing me to stay awake. Better try get some sleep.

    Thanks again.

    Leeroy01.
    1 person found this helpful
  25. Leeroyo1
    Leeroyo1 avatar
    22 posts
    29 September 2020 in reply to JacintaMarie
    Hi JacintaMarie,
    Yes. It can be difficult.. l know how you feel. I think some negative thoughts are a cognitive distortion....but it's hard to believe you can do something when you have so much self doubt.

    It is something l will have to work on.
    Thanks for replying.

    Warm regards
    Leeroy01
    1 person found this helpful
  26. Eire2
    Eire2 avatar
    1 posts
    8 October 2020 in reply to Leeroyo1

    Hi Leeroyo1

    I feel the same way. I’m so stressed about losing my job, I have a fear I will lose my job. I don’t feel as confident in work as I use to do. I feel my colleagues think I can’t do my job. I find it hard to concentrate and remember. I’m very edgy, don’t sleep great,

    1 person found this helpful
  27. Leeroyo1
    Leeroyo1 avatar
    22 posts
    9 October 2020 in reply to Eire2
    Hi Eire2,

    Yes, l feel the same way at my work. It is very difficult. I face this every day when l go to work. I try to think positive, listen to meditation, or do some breathing excercises.

    Somehow, the inadequacy never leaves me.
    I also think negative thoughts are self sabotaging....but it is hard to stop it....l think if l could harness some positive thoughts, and believed l could do it....the situation would be better.

    Warm regards
    Leeroy01

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