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Topic: Dealing with death

4 posts, 0 answered
  1. Mistic
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Mistic avatar
    9 posts
    23 April 2022
    I am just at a loss at the moment as I have lost 4 people out of my life in the last 5 months and also have a death from the past being 9 years ago that I believe I truly have not got over. The death from the past was my husband who committed suicide, I am so angry at him for leaving me and having to bring our daughter up by myself. I was also very silly after that was in a domestic violent relationship but am well clear of that now and up the other side of that relationship. My daughter and I are very close as she is older now we are great friends as well. In the last 5 months I have been to 4 funerals and that has left me bewildered. One funeral was for a close girlfriends mother who I was close with so that was unexpected and hurt, second funeral was my very close friends husband that was also unexpected as my friend had been fighting 3 different cancers well I'm sure in the end my friend died of a broken heart not cancer she was the next to pass. I am lost without her as we spent many hours chatting about our lives and families and we talked about everything nothing was off the table. I miss her so much its had a big impact on my life and she's not there to talk my problems over with anymore. The last person I have lost hurts so much on many levels, living my life I have been to hell and back and this guy turns up and we become the best of friends over the love of a dog, over the years we just introduced ourselves to people as brother and sister he even lived with my daughter and myself on and off for years. My daughter had a bond with this guy like a father having lost her own, now he is gone so I have lost a part of my family and feel devastated for my daughter who has lost another male figure out of our lives. We do not let people close very easily we have been hurt so much even my husbands family left and wanted nothing to do with us as they blamed me for his suicide. I just stop at the moment not knowing where to turn as I have lost people I talked with and could be me not many people know me now. I think just writing this down has helped me have a little vent and I know we all have to move forward I am just having moments where I feel so lost and want to scream and I know that's ok as well. suicide is not an option for me as I would never do that to my daughter I know how much that hurts. Thanks for letting me have a rant.
  2. white knight
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    white knight avatar
    9781 posts
    23 April 2022 in reply to Mistic

    Hi, welcome

    Thankyou for explaining and other members will benefit from this thread.

    I do understand. I lost my older brother and uncle to suicide, my sister and I both attempted and last year my wife lost her dear mum, her dad and step dad within 6 months of each other.

    It was only 13 years ago my sister and I found we are bipolar. That made sense. Regardless, we plod along, life is what you decide to carve from it.

    In most ways grief, the relief from it, comes from two things- time and distraction. With time, everyone is different. I'm still grieving my dads passing from 1992. What has helped is my poetry about him and you can read them in the thread "poetry corner, post your poems here" use search. Some say "move on"... no, I'm happier thinking of him. Grief is personal, incomparable.

    Distraction might need to be forced. It's OK to grieve but it's best to limit such sessions and returning back to life. Have hobbies, sports or interests. If you have a passion you're lucky.

    Plant a bush in honour of people. Get a pet. Camping. The glory of life is easily missed.

    I have some sites that you might find invaluable. Use Google

    Maharaji prem rawat sunset

    Maharaji prem rawat appreciate

    Maharaji prem rawat all is well

    Maharaji prem rawat the perfect instrument

    Beyondblue topic variety and distraction

    Beyondblue topic worry worry worry

    Beyondblue topic the best praise you'll ever get

    One last thing. You deserve love and giving it can be rewarding even to strangers. You learned a lesson with someone toxic, many aren't.

    Repost anytime

    TonyWK

  3. Mistic
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Mistic avatar
    9 posts
    30 April 2022 in reply to white knight
    Thanks Tony I do try distraction and yes the best one I have is my dog Milo who loves me and never judges. My daughter and I are very close as we have been through everything together and I am happy she is moving forward. After what I have been through I know to not get consumed by unhelpful thoughts but they still get there occasionally but I can normally trick my brain out of them. I had a down moment when I put my post up and just doing that actually made me feel a little better. I will have a look at your google recommendations and just a big thank you for acknowledging my thread. Take care, TonyWK
    1 person found this helpful
  4. white knight
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    white knight avatar
    9781 posts
    30 April 2022 in reply to Mistic

    And my non judgemental mini foxy is not unlike the middle dog in your avatar. Lol

    TonyWK

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