Topic: Hello - Here for more happiness

Hi All,

OK here goes. I feel like I'm one of those people that is extremely lucky yet I'm still unhappy which feels very broken to me.

I have a great family (wife & 2 kids), all healthy, and between us, my wife and I have good paying jobs that has meant money has never been a problem for us. I have a couple of good friends and relationships are solid with my family (parents & brother) and my wife's family.

...yet im still unhappy, and where that comes to is career. While im not one of thise people trying to rush my way to the top of the corporate ladder, I do want my career to progress, and recently completed an MBA. My performance has been strong pretty much everywhere I've been, but what I keep finding is that people issues really upset me and in turn disrupts everything else.

I got a bit sick of large corporates and so this year I've started at a global tech start up. The onboarding has been the best I've ever experienced but recently had a meeting with an indirect superior (I have a dotted reporting line to them) which really bothered me. It wasn't an aggressive confrontation by any means, but I left that meeting very deflated as I felt I have now entered a very junior role compared to what I was expecting.

I give this not as a specific problem to solve but a good example of something that really got me down. I've thought about leaving the role at least a dozen times today, and I've been a real downer on my family the whole day.

Just to help, I rarely face scenarios of conflict and Ive received a lot of positive feedback about my leadership style. I feel my problem is I let events like my recent work example really upset me.

Hoping to learn a lot from this forum so I can build the techniques to be more resilient so this stuff doesn't affect my home life.

Thanks for reading!

Hi Amuchbetterme,

Wellcome to our forums!

Im sorry you are feeling this way.

Can I ask you ….. what are you passionate about?

I believe through our life we will always have people issues………

One thing you can always control is how you react to this…….. we always have a choice of how we will react to something.

We can always change our perceptions..

Ok so you think you have taken on a junior role…….. what are the positives that you can think of for having the role………

In the future what can you gain for being in this role in the present?

Think of the positives not the negatives.

If you find yourself dwelling on scenarios maybe try to turn the situation around and think of it in a positive light………. You could say to yourself I’m starting in this position now but if I stick at it my management will promote me in the future…………

I know people who started at the bottom and have stuck at their positions and are now up the top of the ladder…..

What is meant for you always will be for you, it won’t pass you by.

Hi Amuchbetterme,

Welcome to the forum, here's some advice from an HR professional.

No company or job is perfect, since your company has pretty amazing aspect, and there're more possibilities in start-ups, I wouldn't suggest you to quit in a hurry, it's too early to say your decision is right or wrong. You may need to re-evaluate yourself and have a better understanding about the meaning of leadership.

A leader is to face the challenges and difficulties, solve the conflicts, and unite people with different opinions. The more you try to avoid conflict, the more you may get caught up in it. The more you face conflict and try to resolve it, the less scary it becomes.

And a leader exits for PURPOSE, your struggling means that you may need to find it for yourself. Have a look at this video hopefully you'll get some inspiration: https://youtu.be/u4ZoJKF_VuA

Mark

Thank-you @Petal22, you're right that I need to look more broadly and see what the opportunities are.

Let's see what the next couple of weeks brings (fingers crossed) - mind over matter!

Thank-you!

Thank-you @Mark Z - definitely some very wise and genuine words there...

I agree I shouldn't make a decision in haste. Thinking next steps is to explore the role/new company with an open mind while asking my boss for their thoughts on my role at the right time.

Appreciate the guidance!

You're welcome Amuchbetterme,

Hope everything will be better.

Mark

That’s ok Amuchbetterme 😊

Yes keep a positive mind set… a positive mindset can bring great internal growth..look for the positive in everything…. It takes practice..

Feel free to let us know how things progress for you 🙏

Thanks again @Mark Z and @Petal22,

Im feeling a lot more optimistic this week. I think why last week happened the way it did was because the Indirect Superior person may have been feeling a hit insecure themselves and by framing me in a specific position made them more comfortable.

I had a good think over the last few days and found that there's a lot of potential for me to learn and grow so feeling and while my role may have felt constrained in a very small box that there will be good potential for my growth.

For others in similar situation, I wanted to share this course I found - https://www.linkedin.com/learning/overcome-overthinking

To be clear I have no ties to Linkedin but have started this course as I feel overthinking has limited my happiness. So far so good and I'm very comfortable to recommend to others.

Thanks again everyone - you're awesome!

Hi Amuchbetterme,

Your guess might be true.

So glad to hear that your strong inner power has pulled yourself back onto he right track.

And thanks a lot for sharing the link, it looks quite helpful for people with anxiety especially workplace anxiety.

Cheers,

Mark

That’s ok Amuchbetterme 😊

Well done for changing your mind set and perception.

Perception is a powerful thing and we can learn to change it any time we wish.

Thoughts can always be challenged.

Remember if some days you find your mind drifting into negativity it’s ok but the important thing is to notice when you are doing this …… once you become aware of this you can choose to bring your attention back to the present moment and re align with positive thinking.

Meditation is really good….. it can teach us to be the observer of our thoughts so we don’t get to caught up in them…. Have you ever tried meditation?

Thank you for the web site I’ll have a look at the site 😊

Please feel free to come back to us anytime to let us know how you are going 😊

Thanks again Mark Z and Petal22,

I looped back with my boss on Friday to get feedback on how I was going and they were pretty happy. I also asked about the expectations of my role and he reiterated that there was no change to what was originally discussed in my interview so was pretty happy with that.

Reflecting now have to say I think there were a combination of things at play here. I think my Indirect Superior is stepping into a pretty big role and probably feels a bit insecure which reflects their behaviour. In turn I have felt insecure from the conversations with her that my role was becoming a lot smaller than what I was expecting.

While feeling quite down about it a week ago, the one thing I'm very glad I did was come here first rather than freak out in front of my boss.

I definitely think I need to work more on my mindfulness. I practice meditation a couple of times a week and that works well for general stress. I've since found a "mood capture" app - Daylio that allows you to capture and reflect on how you're feeling.

All good learning :)

Hi Amuchebetterme,

Many thanks for your update. Very wise actions and very good outcome, so glad to hear.

Your continuous reflection shows that you have the genes for self-evolving. "What does not kill you makes you stronger".

And Daylio app looks really good, thanks for sharing :)

Mark

That’s ok Amuchbetterme,

what you have said sounds great in regards to your feedback from your boss 😊

We are glad you came here too, always here if you need.

You sound like you are becoming more conscious internally …… ( self awareness)…… this is a wonderful thing because it also brings self growth!

The way that you have been able to reflect on things is wonderful and changing your perception shows growth.

Keep it up you can grow even more……… push through the boundaries because the boundaries have growth on the other side 😊🙏