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Topic: Hi

21 posts, 0 answered
  1. StgCrw
    StgCrw avatar
    0 posts
    7 January 2020

    Hi.
    I wrote several long posts for other parts of the forum and deleted them nearly immediately, so I thought I’d start by just introducing myself.

    I’ll try not to focus too much on what I’m struggling with at the moment and just tell you a bit about myself.

    Tasmanian. Roadie. 30ish.
    Don’t let the roadie bit put you off, it’s not like the 70’s anymore. Gone are the days of sex drugs and rock’n’ roll - mostly anyway.

    These days it’s all about professionalism, technical knowledge and the ability to multitask under pressure.

    Unfortunately some things haven’t changed. The ridiculously long hours, months away from home, diet of truck stop pies and complete lack of anything resembling a social life put most people off pretty fast. I’ve been a fairly quiet, introverted fellow for as long as I can remember, many would call me a loner. Lately it’s taking a toll on even me though. Or maybe it’s just fatigue. Probably both.

    I try and do landscape photography in my spare time. being based in Tasmania means there is no end of possibilities when I want to go and look for something new. Sadly lately my car is knackered which is cramping my style and I’m struggling to drum up the motivation to get out there.

    I try hard to not just photograph the same tired instagram locations and do my own thing. There’s no artistic merit and no satisfaction to be had in taking the same shot that’s been done a thousand times before.
    Sadly a lot of these places that I hold so dear are directly threatened by climate change - the thought of watching them inevitably deteriorate over the coming decades is heartbreaking.

    so, that’s me in a nut(case)shell.

    Hope you all are doing OK and whatever brings you here is not taking too much of a toll.

    1 person found this helpful
  2. therising
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    therising avatar
    230 posts
    8 January 2020 in reply to StgCrw

    Hi StgCrw

    Nice to meet you!

    I admire you greatly for your sensitivity to detail (aspects of your job and that which comes with photography). Just bought my 17yo daughter a camera for Christmas as my goal is to have her become more sensitive to her surroundings, something that can't be achieved with the distraction of a mobile phone. I wish everyone would be more sensitive to the finer details of what life offers.

    There's definitely lots of things that can leave us feeling drained and unless we're keyed in on exactly how to recharge, we can end up really feeling the low in a number of ways. Definitely lots of natural ways to recharge. Being a photographer (spending time outdoors), you'd know the benefits of solar power. Nothing quite like putting your face up to the sun to actually feel life (the warmth it offers as well as the vitamin D). Hydro power is definitely an important one seeing our cells rely on it for optimum function. Nuclear - I suppose it's both an internal cellular thing as well as involving that which comes from the ground. I believe, the benefits of healthy food aren't explained well enough to folk. Food these days is marketed more on the basis of lifestyle rather than education. There are some great documentaries around these days though. Kinetic energy, being energy that creates energy, involves something you'd be able to relate to through the actions in your job as well as photography. Action holds the potential to fully charge us.

    As physicists say 'We are energy in motion'. How to charge up and power down is a masterful art. Being sensitive, although feeling like a curse sometimes, actually has many benefits. Being highly sensitive myself, I find my intuition is pretty tuned into my energy. It'll want to motivate me and typically does so as long as I'm not challenging it or thinking my way out of it. Something in me that says 'Have a glass of water' can lead me to resemble a crazy person arguing between 2 minds ('Drink the water' vs 'No, I can't be bothered getting up off the seat'). Sensitivity is a gift as long as we follow the cues. Always feel better once the argument is over and I've drunk the water :)

    Curious to know whether you're a pretty intuitive person yourself. Most people who are sensitive to detail are. They also tend to be daydreamers; you know those folk who tend to stare off into space a little.

    Good to hear from you. Take care :)

    1 person found this helpful
  3. StgCrw
    StgCrw avatar
    0 posts
    8 January 2020 in reply to therising

    Thanks for taking the time to reply.

    I don’t think of myself as being particularly intuitive. Most often I get described as being mechanically minded. If I am going to use something I need to know how it works first.

    I totally agree with your point though regarding listening to what your body and/or mind need you to do.
    How do you deal with it however when you are unable to give it what it needs?

  4. Hanna3
    Hanna3 avatar
    2 posts
    8 January 2020 in reply to StgCrw

    Hi StgCrw,

    I just wanted to welcome you to BB! I haven't been here that long myself and I've found it takes a little while to learn your way around. I'm sure others will come along and give you some support, but I did want to give you a welcome at least.

    Is the problem the isolation and long hours of the job, meaning that you're tired from it and would like to do something else? Or you're just feeling tired and fed up with it at the moment? It sounds like your photography is a great help and it's a fantastic thing to do - my father used to develop his own photographs (now I'm showing my age a bit!) in a darkroom he built in the garage - as a kid I used to think it was like magic watching the image appear on the papers as he carefully placed them in water. I still have some of his lovely black and white and sepia photographs.

    I met a guy from Tasmania about a year ago when I was living in a coastal town up in the sub-tropics of Australia who was feeling fed up and was boating his way all the way up the coast to Queensland - I thought what a great thing to do, just him and his little dog.

    Anyway I'm sure others will come along and chat to you, do look around the forums too and I've found this a very helpful and supportive place, it takes a little while to get to know people but once you do it's a great help. Everyone here will give you whatever help/support etc they can. I'll check back in tomorrow and see how you're going. Best wishes and welcome again to BB.

    2 people found this helpful
  5. StgCrw
    StgCrw avatar
    0 posts
    9 January 2020 in reply to Hanna3

    Thanks for the welcome Hanna3.

    I will try and come up with a better response for you this evening, for now I gotta get myself off to work.

  6. StgCrw
    StgCrw avatar
    0 posts
    9 January 2020 in reply to Hanna3

    The issue, as you say, isolation (loneliness), over work (my next day off is mid February), a hefty dose of depression and suicidal ideation.
    There’s good and bad days of course. The most minor thing going amiss can put me in a real bad place for days/weeks. This has been going on for about a year.

    I can say precisely when it started too. I took on too much, 3 back to back multi-day music festivals. 8 am to 3am, 8 days straight, doing the work of 3 people. On the last one I dropped the ball in a big way. I was forced to ask for help before the whole gig fell apart. I did eventually get assistance, but not before I basically broke.

    For the rest of the week I spent my days alternating between sleeping a lot, deep embarrassment, sadness and anger at having being put in that position.

    It’s especially frustrating since I distinctly remember enjoying what I do, and being able to cope with the lifestyle without much issue, but now it feels as though a switch has been flipped and there’s no satisfaction left in it.

    On a lighter note though, I’ve always admired those with the skill and patience required for darkroom photography work. That sounds like you’ve made some fond memories with your father doing that.

    As for that fella who sailed up the east coast, ha ha what a character. Don’t tempt me. I have a small dinghy with sails, but it’s not exactly suitable for offshore waters.

  7. Hanna3
    Hanna3 avatar
    2 posts
    9 January 2020 in reply to StgCrw

    Hi StgCrw, if you are feeling so very bad do please phone the lifeline number which is at the top of the BB website and you'll get immediate help from someone by phone.

    It sounds like burnout doesn't it, like everything has really got on top of you and you're feeling overwhelmed and exhausted and very depressed. I'm not equipped to help if you're feeling really very low and hope someone else will come on who can help, but please do phone Lifeline for assistance if you need it they are incredibly helpful people.

    First of all, know that anyone here will give what support, help and advice they can. It's a really safe place and great that you've come here. You're clearly at a really low point, I've been there too, hang on you can get out of that hole you're in!

    Hang around and someone better equipped than me will come on and give you some support and help. Just know that I'm sorry you are feeling clearly wretched, tired out, and need a break and support and a listening ear. Hang in there my friend others will come along and chat to you.

  8. StgCrw
    StgCrw avatar
    0 posts
    9 January 2020 in reply to Hanna3
    I’m not having any immediate crisis, but it’s very helpful to have got that out in the open even in an anonymous setting like this, so thank you very much for being that person.
  9. Hanna3
    Hanna3 avatar
    2 posts
    9 January 2020 in reply to Hanna3

    Hi back again Stg, have tried to get someone on to give you a bit more help than I can, so hopefully someone will turn up.

    I don't suppose you have any mates/friends/family you can talk to about how you are feeling (or I guess you wouldn't be here if you did). Sounds like a lonely job you have, I never really thought about whether being a truckie would be lonely but I get now that it could be. Also the hours you have to work are antisocial aren't they.

    Yes that guy sailing up the coast had a boat and must have known his stuff to travel that far, but it sure is a nice idea isn't it? Is there any chance you could take a break/time out/holiday? Would that help you to recharge a bit? It sound like the photography is a great interest (and yes I do have fond memories of my Dad working in the darkroom and me a little kid in awe watching it all!)

    So know that you're not alone here, and do let me know anything that you think might help? Do you have any thoughts of what might help you? I think a counsellor on the phone might be a really good start, but do stay around BB too as others should come by and give you some help. Cheers mate and I'll check back in later.

  10. Hanna3
    Hanna3 avatar
    2 posts
    9 January 2020 in reply to StgCrw

    My pleasure StgCrw, it's what everyone here is here for - to get support and give support too. Sometimes just venting what's wrong helps! If you get used to navigating around a bit you'll find you get to know some regulars and they become friends that you can chat with regularly and will help you. I haven't been on here that long and I already know several people to chat to, it really helps when you're feeling down. Sometimes just the BB Café and the silly games are a release from anxiety/worry/depression.

    People come and go at different times here so check back on as sometimes replies come through at all hours. Cheers Mate!

  11. StgCrw
    StgCrw avatar
    0 posts
    9 January 2020 in reply to Hanna3
    Thanks again.
    I’m heading off to a gig in the middle of nowhere early tomorrow morning, but I will try and check in if I can. Failing that I will definitely check in when I get back in a few days.
  12. Hanna3
    Hanna3 avatar
    2 posts
    9 January 2020 in reply to StgCrw
    Hi StgCrw, yes do that people come and go here, sometimes it's quiet for a bit then it gets really busy. I can see why you are tired it sounds like your work is very demanding. No wonder you're feeling down. Do come back on and keep in touch with us all here. Take care.
  13. Sophie_M
    Sophie_M avatar
    187 posts
    9 January 2020 in reply to StgCrw
    Hey StgCrw, This is Sophie from the moderation team, it’s nice to meet you.

    Its sounds like your work load is causing you a lot of stress at the moment, not to mention affecting your sleep and diet. You said your next break is in February but is there any possibility of taking a break before then?

    Hanna3 is asking some great questions there! I’d also like to ask if there’s anything that would help your situation? Is there a manager you can speak to about reducing your workload?

    It might be helpful to speak to a GP, if you haven’t already done so. They’d be able to offer some insight into your situation and refer you to appropriate support services.

    I think you’ve done an amazing job to come onto the forums, share your story and accept help here. I’m so glad to hear that it’s been helpful and I hope it continues to be so!

    I’d like to recommend these articles for you to read.They might be helpful in your current situation.
    https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/staying-well/reducing-stress https://www.headsup.org.au/your-mental-health/taking-care-of-yourself-and-staying-well/at-work
    https://www.headsup.org.au/your-mental-health/deciding-to-tell-others

    If you feel up to it, we’d encourage you to reach out to our Support Service. We’re available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 3pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport. One of our professional mental health counsellors at our Support Service will give you support and point you in the right direction for help in your area.

    Lifeline is also another great option for support, which you can access by calling 13 11 14 or visit: https://www.lifeline.org.au/about-lifeline/contact-us

    You can also contact headspace between 9am and 1am by calling 1800 650 890 or visit https://www.eheadspace.org.au for online chat.

    If you feel unable to keep yourself from acting on your thoughts about suicide or self-harm then this is an emergency and you need to call 000.

    The best of luck with your gig tomorrow StgCrw. Please let us know how it went and we look forward to your reply.

    - Sophie
  14. therising
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    therising avatar
    230 posts
    10 January 2020 in reply to StgCrw

    Hi StgCrw

    If there are 2 skills in life that should be taught to us as kids but are typically not:

    • How to be wonderful - how to use the state of wonder so as to fuel the imagination into productive action. Being full of wonder leads us to hunt for answers or satisfaction of some kind

    and

    • How to productively rise through challenge

    I believe you to be naturally wonderful seeing you mention you have to know how things work mechanically. I knew someone years ago who was also mechanically minded, who took wonder to the next level. He'd often take things apart and challenge himself to put them back together. Being a photographer also makes you wonderful...wondering about the next shot, wondering about the many aspects that come with this craft and how you can master them in new and natural ways.

    I regard myself as naturally wonderful too. I wonder about new possibilities in the way of epigenetics right through to how I can raise a smile in someone who needs to experience one. From the complex to the simplistic, I'm always wondering. At 49, I have rediscovered the curiosity of a child.

    Wondering can present many great challenges too. I have been wondering about my marriage. Whilst my husband is complacent and happy with sameness, a lack of adventure and little in common between us, I wonder (after all my effort to help improve things) whether we are meant to be together. Am I to leave him in peace? This would challenge me to create massive changes as a individual and as a mum. So, wondering is not necessarily a painless task, wondering can push us to consider a form of evolution so outside our comfort zone it can be disturbing to every cell in our body.

    Rising to the challenges that wonder brings can occasionally require 'not thinking', something we are way too used to doing. Whilst thinking or calculating is relevant at times, at other times it tends to get in the way. The 3 festivals you mentioned: I imagine at some stage the idea popped into your head that the task was too massive to handle alone. Did you think your way out of that? Did you convince yourself you had to do it alone? Was the real challenge to follow your instinct, from the beginning? Sleep deprivation and working alone in regard to a massively draining task is torture on mind, body and soul. This is why I only had 2 kids. I couldn't handle raising a baby in a depression a 3rd time. I believe it would have destroyed me.

    Do you ever wonder what positive change would look like for you?

    :)

  15. therising
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    therising avatar
    230 posts
    10 January 2020 in reply to StgCrw
    By the way, in that 2nd last paragraph about not thinking, what I meant to write was that we are way to used to thinking everything through.
  16. Hanna3
    Hanna3 avatar
    2 posts
    11 January 2020 in reply to StgCrw

    Hi StgCrw, how did the gig go/or is it still going?

    I think the idea of a holiday from work is a good one - could you go away somewhere and enjoy your photography for a while?

    Some time out enjoying a break might help you think about how you might be able to change or improve things? You might be able to think more clearly when you're not feeling tired and stressed?

    Anyway I hope things are going OK for you, do let us know. Cheers.

  17. StgCrw
    StgCrw avatar
    0 posts
    12 January 2020 in reply to Hanna3

    Hi, yeah, just got back. Gig went well for the most part. I ended up operating the sound at the last minute for the headline act (Pete Murray) because the crew who usually travel with him had their flight delayed due to bad weather. That had me feeling pretty out of my depth, but I think I got away with it. The band didn’t seem angry about anything anyway, and that’s usually the best you can hope for. Pete seems like a very nice bloke as well.

    one of my workmates managed to electrocute himself when a power plug fell apart while he was handling it. He’s fine though.

    I totally understand that a bit of a break would probably be just the thing, but I would be making it that much harder for the other people i work with, most of whom have much the same workload as I do. I will book some leave in for after this busy season though, so I’ll have that to look forward to. There’s a couple of bush walks I’ve been wanting to do, but fitness is becoming a bit of a concern. We’ll see.

    @Sophie_M

    Thank you, I will have a browse of those links later, and I will consider giving those phone services a try if you think they will be helpful. I was under the impression they were more for crisis situations.

    I have been to see a GP about all this, it was some months ago now mind you. I struggled to effectively communicate the issues in a face-to-face setting though and it was a largely unhelpful and nerve wracking experience.

    It’s odd that on the job I can communicate very well, explain complex ideas to people, co-ordinate teams of labourers to get something done, but as soon as I’m in a social setting I become withdrawn, very much “the quiet type”

    Case in point I just spent 4 hours driving a truck, with a passenger / workmate who Has a degree in psychology. I had every intention of raising some of these issues, so at least someone at my work had an idea that I was having a hard time with it, but I never managed :(

    @ therising
    Im beginning to wonder whether the way forward for me is a change of career. It’s going to take a bit of bravery on my part though since I’ve been doing this work since I was 16 and it’s all I really know.

    As for how I got myself into that sort of situation with those festivals, I just didn’t say no. My employer rostered me into it and I really ought to have put my foot down, but I needed the money.

    Thanks all for checking in, it means a lot :)

  18. Hanna3
    Hanna3 avatar
    2 posts
    12 January 2020 in reply to StgCrw

    Hi StgCrw, good to hear back from you. I think it's good that you'll book some leave at the end of the busy season so you will know you have some time to relax ahead of you eventually!

    Re finding you couldn't talk to your psychology trained mate/passenger - often it's actually easier to talk to a stranger than a friend/mate about things. Having said that, a lot of GPs are rubbish at dealing with mental health/emotional/psychological issues (I speak as someone who used to work at a hospital helping to train medical students in this kind of thing). I'm having trouble finding a decent GP in the big town I've moved to - so far they've been pretty hopeless.

    It might pay to shop around for a good GP, or find a counsellor/social worker. Sometimes these are provided free of charge or at a low cost by GP practices, or a local neighbourhood centre or Vinnies/Salvos etc might know of one.

    It seems you did pretty well managing the sound equipment! And you can phone Lifeline without it being an emergency - sometimes callers just need someone to listen to them. I've rung when it wasn't a dire emergency but I really needed someone to talk to at that particular time.

    Best wishes!

  19. Hanna3
    Hanna3 avatar
    2 posts
    13 January 2020 in reply to Hanna3

    Hi again Stg,

    I noticed you were around the BB site last night. The BB Café is a good place to get to know "regulars". It varies from nobody around to busy and there's no rhyme or reason to when it's quiet and when it's busy, you just have to check in occasionally and see who's around. I do the silly games like movie names/five letter words. You can just chat about stuff in the Café and quite quickly you get to know a few people. Just tell people you're new. Hope you stick around on BB. Cheers for now.

  20. StgCrw
    StgCrw avatar
    0 posts
    13 January 2020 in reply to Hanna3
    Ha ha yeah funny you mention that, I was checking out the movie name thread, but it was up to “Q” and I had nothing lol
  21. Hanna3
    Hanna3 avatar
    2 posts
    13 January 2020 in reply to StgCrw

    I keep getting X Stg, you probably saw my comment!

    I Google movie names - you just Google movies starting with Q and up comes a list of them - or usually several lists! I try to pick one I know, it's more fun if you can leave a comment about the movie.

    Same with the 5 letter words - you can Google them. Now I've admitted I look things up I hope it's not against the rules - oops!

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