Hello and welcome to the forum. So pleased you found your way here and want to talk to us. Reaching out to toxic people is not good as you know but sometimes it feels better than having no one at all. It's a really tough situation.
May I ask about your increasing loneliness? I gather the people who have been in your life are no longer there and has resulted in your increasing isolation. Is this correct? Also what activities or hobbies did you have a while ago? Can you revive any of them. I know it's not the same and not a substitute for being with others. We are gregarious race and need the comfort of being with others.
Your childhood sounds unpleasant and perhaps taught you to avoid people at times. Being unsafe and unloved is a horrible situation. Have you ever talked to anyone about these experiences? By that I mean your GP or a counsellor. Getting help in this area may help you to settle more easily where you are and give you the skills to meet others. What do you think?
Having been part of a couple of toxic relationships myself I have some idea of the dilemma you are in. It can be so difficult to move away from people however much you know they are bad for you.
Can you post in again and tell us a little more about yourself? Do you go to work or have you retired? Do you have any family? What can you tell us without feeling you are unsafe. This is a safe place to be as no one knows who you are and you will certainly not be abused on this forum.
I would love to hear from you again.