Hi there, eliza_s!
We are very glad that you found us and have decided to join our community here online!
Depression is truly very cruel sometimes, especially in how it sometimes seems to drown all our other experiences. - sometimes there is no one culprit beyond simple brain chemistry, or a memory we can barely grasp, traumas we can hardly remember.... it can be impossible to trace a source. Luckily finding just one source is not necessary to your healing and moving forward.
Let us also encourage you to remember - nothing depression or anxiety does is logical. When it triggers it triggers, and if it finds a trigger that hurts you - well, that’s just what that does. Please try not to judge your feelings - the depression will want you to. it will want you to believe your feelings are bad! Always remember, emotions do not need to be justified. They need to be experienced, but then dismissed, depression doesn't deserve to own you.
We are very sorry to hear that your experience of seeking help from family did not feel very caring and supportive - certainly that can leave us down a dark pit sometimes. Always remember that we do not need to rely solely on those most closely around us for support - you are worthy of support no matter where you need to find it - though the hurt of it not coming from family is understandable/
We have no doubt many of your peers here in the community will want to provide that support and be with you very soon - in the meantime, we are here for you 24/7 - call 1300 22 4636 or click here
to start a webchat.
Thank you again for joining us - many will feel less alone reading your post and know you share experiences with them - please reach out soon!