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Topic: I’m new and nervous

  1. LQ23
    LQ23 avatar
    0 posts
    23 October 2019
    Hi I’m not sure where to start I’ve let the people I care about down and don’t know how to make it right
  2. Aaronsis
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    Aaronsis avatar
    72 posts
    23 October 2019 in reply to LQ23

    Hi LQ23

    I am so very pleased you have found your way here where you can get some support and some comfort, you will not be judged or criticized, we are here to support you and help you through your issue.

    Would you feel comfortable in sharing how you have let the people you care about down? I can hear you are very nervous and this is your first time posting but I commend you for being so very brave and reaching out.

    I would like to chat to you some more if you would like to share your story with me.

    AS

  3. MyLadyGirl
    MyLadyGirl avatar
    12 posts
    23 October 2019 in reply to LQ23

    LQ23,

    BB never judge anyone of writing anything and expressing their situation here. We are all open experiencing similar scenario but different ways.

    Like AS said, if you feel like sharing we are all open ears to you. That's only if you feel comfortable.

  4. LQ23
    LQ23 avatar
    0 posts
    23 October 2019 in reply to Aaronsis
    Wow this is so comforting to know - I’ve been judging myself and just want to feel happy again. I worked for an amazing company and an amazing boss. Felt like I was not being appreciated and stole money! Been trying to secretly pay it back which I’ve started too and hopes it would go away but stupid stupid me really knew it wouldn’t. My boss was apparently worried about me and sent an email to my husband - wow now it’s actually all put in the open which in one way I’m glad. My husband has been so supportive, and has arranged for me to meet with my old boss. I’ve been feeling so lost and unsure of my worth the last few years and ant understand why I did it. I’m embarrassed shamed Nd feel worthless in myself as I’m not a malicious person and just want to please people . I’m so nervous about meeting my old boss tomorrow
  5. LQ23
    LQ23 avatar
    0 posts
    24 October 2019 in reply to MyLadyGirl
    Ok I’m up for the morning so far I’ve got my catch up with my old boss and feel like I’m going to collapse in a heap. I don’t know how I will cope today. My body feels numb and drained - hoping I feel better
  6. LQ23
    LQ23 avatar
    0 posts
    24 October 2019 in reply to Aaronsis
    Thank you AS I’m feeling so drained and lonely I’ve got my meeting with my old boss this morning and feel like all my energy has been drained-I don’t know what to say to him and feel so bad and ashamed to meet him - I need courage and strength today like nothing else
  7. Aaronsis
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    Aaronsis avatar
    72 posts
    24 October 2019 in reply to LQ23

    Good Morning LQ23

    I am so very happy you have opened up and shared your story, you will never be judged here and we are here to support you and give you comfort...

    Ok so you have your meeting this morning and I can hear how terrified and nervous and scared you are and that is totally understandable. You old boss sounds like an wonderful person in that he reached out to your husband and that he cares and wants to support you. I hear you are so very overwhelmed and anxious about this meeting today and I want to send you all my strength.

    My words for you today would be to open up to your ex boss as you have to me here, he sounds very supportive and the fact that you have been secretly trying to pay the money back shows that you are very remorseful for your actions and this is a very good start. I think perhaps explaining to him why you felt you needed to steal the money might help give him some insight as to it may have been a desperate time for you and that this is most certainly not your "normal" behaviour.

    I can hear how sorry and regretful you are about what you have done and I am so proud of you for speaking up, for talking to your husband and now agreeing to this meeting, that is so very brave and very strong and you are doing everything to make the wrong right again.

    Please try to be kind to yourself, we all make mistakes in life and it is not a summary of who we are as people. You have made a mistake and now you are doing your very best to correct it, well done, you could have just run away and swept it under the carpet, so every credit to you for showing integrity and making it right.

    Try to take some deep breaths, but I think just let it out to your ex boss who seems very understanding.

    I would really like to hear how this morning goes for you LQ23.

    Big hugs to you and well done

    AS

  8. LQ23
    LQ23 avatar
    0 posts
    24 October 2019 in reply to Aaronsis
    Hi AS well my meeting finished and as to be expected my bosses face was devastation and he wanted to know why. Tried as best I could to explain said I had no excuse for what I’d done. Owned up to everything and said I was available if he needed to call me. He wanted to make sure I was seeking help and he will go back and work out a payment plan set in concrete and wanted to know updates when I can
  9. Aaronsis
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    Aaronsis avatar
    72 posts
    24 October 2019 in reply to LQ23

    Hi LQ23

    Thank you so very much for letting me know how you went....I am so proud of you, well done. That must have been so very hard and so emotional and traumatic for you. I am so glad you were able to tell him everything and be honest and own your mistake. That is so very brave but also so very honorable.

    I can hear you are sad as your bosses face was devastation and that must have been very hard to see, especially as you are feeling so very sorry for what you have done, however, I feel like his response has been so very positive in providing you with a payment plan but what speaks the loudest is that he wanted to make sure that you had some help in place, that is so wonderful of him.

    Well done LQ23, you have done something so wonderful today and your integrity shouts so very loud. I know you are probably feeling very drained right now but I hope you can do something nice for yourself and take some time to do something that makes you feel happy.

    Chat anytime

    Well done and huge hugs for you LQ23

    AS

  10. LQ23
    LQ23 avatar
    0 posts
    24 October 2019 in reply to Aaronsis

    Thank you AS it means so much to me. I’ve been so lost and alone but so glad it has all come to a head really I’ve devastated so many people but want to do what I can to redeem myself and others faith in me

    1 person found this helpful
  11. Aaronsis
    Community Champion
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    Aaronsis avatar
    72 posts
    24 October 2019 in reply to LQ23

    Hi LQ23

    I have no doubt how alone and scared and full of worry you have been, what a very tough time. It is in the past now and you can look forward. You have done a very brave thing today and it may not seem like it just yet as it is all so very raw and fresh, but please try to do something for you today that makes you feel good. You have done a huge thing and it is so very positive. Well done.

    AS

  12. MyLadyGirl
    MyLadyGirl avatar
    12 posts
    24 October 2019 in reply to LQ23

    Hello LQ23,

    I am so happy that things works all the best for you. You did very well explaining you reason and your ex boss is an understanding towards your situation. Did you know you have cared for the person without letting the person down as you took the first step. It's shows that you are not what you think you were. You are more then that. I am so proud of you that despite being anxious and worried you were calm explained things to your ex boss. Because you were truthful to your self, the truth were on your side. Now you can move on to the next phase.

  13. LQ23
    LQ23 avatar
    0 posts
    28 October 2019 in reply to MyLadyGirl

    Thank you MyLadyGirl

    my interview went really well and was shown where I would be sitting and the other staff welcomed me on board so guess I got the job! Anyway my boss is now threatening me with jail so that has now thrown a spammer in the work. I have also told my parents who are equally devastated and I totally understand, I’ve hurt so badly my husband my gorgeous and parents and old work colleagues. I haven’t the courage to tell my 20 year old daughter it would destroy her - can anyone provide me with the strength to face this please

  14. Aaronsis
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    Aaronsis avatar
    72 posts
    28 October 2019 in reply to LQ23

    Hello LQ23

    I am so very happy for you that you have a new role and that you can look forward to a new working career, that is so awesome so well done to you.

    I hear how sad and disappointed you are in yourself and that you feel your actions have made your parents devastated, you are hurt for believing you have made your ex work colleagues disappointed and the worry of your daughter being upset too. I am wondering how you would feel about being open and honest with your daughter, I feel that the potential of her finding out is probably there and it would be so much better her hearing it from you. You can explain to her exactly how ashamed you are and what you have done so very bravely to stand up and own what you have done and are in the process of making it right. I hear that you are very scared she too will feel disappointment, however it is important I feel that she hears it directly from you. It shows her you respect her enough to admit your faults and that you respect her enough to tell her yourself. It also shows her that people make mistakes and that it is how you get back up from them is most important.

    You are doing everything right to get through this really emotional and heartbreaking time. I feel like it would be best that you manage what you can control, in that I mean your family and keep talking and being honest with them and doing all the things you can to make amends and then if a court case is raised against you later on in the picture you will have your family's support and comfort. That is not a certain so I think perhaps try not to role play in your head how that will play out as it may not.

    I am so very proud of how brave and how well you have managed this situation, every credit to you LQ23.

    Here to chat and give you the comfort and the support you need at this time, hugs to you.

    AS

  15. LQ23
    LQ23 avatar
    0 posts
    28 October 2019 in reply to MyLadyGirl
    Hi MyLadyGirl hoping you got my recent post - it has all turned to crap now my parents are supporting me but I feel like my world is ending- I know my boss wants his money back and I totally understand that - getting the police involved is not going to get him money back but hurt a lot of people - please show me strength
  16. LQ23
    LQ23 avatar
    0 posts
    28 October 2019 in reply to Aaronsis

    Thank you AS. My doctors appointment went well today other than I have high blood pressure and anxiety but he also feels that going to seek help for my mental illness will be a strong step. My family are of course dubious that me admitting to my issues may not help as my illness has been going on for over 20 years-I guess I have been placing it in my head in the ‘forget all about’ space and now it’s come back to wake up and admit you are a criminal

  17. MyLadyGirl
    MyLadyGirl avatar
    12 posts
    28 October 2019 in reply to LQ23

    I am so happy that you had a job. Well done and congratulation.

    You have a lot of strength that you do not know. You took courage and strength to move on with a new job. You had your family support that shows that they trusted you. With that you have gain more energy.

    I agree with you that involving the force will not help. Have you talked to your boss of paying him with an installment or some scheme. Can your family help pay him and you pay him?

    Be strong and think positive as I know that your problem will solve soon

  18. LQ23
    LQ23 avatar
    0 posts
    29 October 2019 in reply to MyLadyGirl
    Thank you so much MyLadyGirl and AS. My sisters know now as my dad told my mum and them! I feel really empty and down in a black hole that I can’t crawl my way out of now! I can’t sleep at all I’m awake all night and I’m not sure what is happening
  19. LQ23
    LQ23 avatar
    0 posts
    29 October 2019 in reply to LQ23

    Hi MyLadyGirl well I didn’t get the job in the end as they obviously rang my old boss and he would not have been very favourable so I guess that job has been lost. My husband said it’s probably better to focus on my health so I am going to visit my parents on the coast

  20. MyLadyGirl
    MyLadyGirl avatar
    12 posts
    29 October 2019 in reply to LQ23

    Good day LQ23. I am so sorry that you did not get the job. Going to a new place would be good at least you can have a fresh air. Your parents would be great for you to voice out. They are concern about you. Can you keep us update on your well being. Take care

  21. LQ23
    LQ23 avatar
    0 posts
    30 October 2019 in reply to MyLadyGirl
    Thank you MyLadyGirl the new job has said that a reference from other people would be ok so not sure where this will go! I’ve got my first session with a psychologist today so very nervous and don’t know where to start
  22. Aaronsis
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    Aaronsis avatar
    72 posts
    30 October 2019 in reply to LQ23

    HI LQ23

    I am so sorry that you didn't get the role and that you are feeling so very overwhelmed.

    I would love to know how you go today with the psychologist and just a thought, if you are feeling anxious about not knowing where to start, you could perhaps just show them this post and that will give them a really good understanding of what has been going on and how you are feeling, you have talked and shared so well here.

    I feel like though you could just purge and get out what is in your heart and how the events of the past have been effecting you.

    I will be thinking of you today and wish you strength to get through your meeting, it is draining and scary but I hope you will feel so very good afterwards, and they will give you some tools to move forward.

    Hugs to you

    AS

  23. LQ23
    LQ23 avatar
    0 posts
    30 October 2019 in reply to Aaronsis
    Thanks AS I e just finished my first session it was really good. He said to write everything down I’m feeling what happens and my goals and to take small steps as it will not happe. Overnight - to take my medication as that will assist with my clarity and let me focus on me
  24. Aaronsis
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    Aaronsis avatar
    72 posts
    30 October 2019 in reply to LQ23

    Hi LQ23

    I am so very happy to hear that your session went well, that is really great.

    The doctor has given you some advice that I actually do too and find it so therapeutic and that is writing, writing down in a book how I am feeling and what is going on in my brain and heart and just dump it all on a piece of paper, you don't have to show anyone and you may never read it again but it is so wonderful to get it all out.

    It won't heal miraculously overnight but it will hopefully help you on your way to feeling peace.

    Taking your medication too is also a pretty good idea..but you know that.

    Great that you are starting to make some progress and you are sounding much more sprightly this afternoon.

    Cheers

    AS

  25. MyLadyGirl
    MyLadyGirl avatar
    12 posts
    30 October 2019 in reply to LQ23

    Hello LQ23,

    Glad to hear that everything went well at the doctor. It's a good idea of writing down your feelings in a book. I once did that and it really helped. It will helped you also. You should also write your hatred and depression too even what you feel about your job and your ex boss. It will slowly ease you pain slowly. What ever deep down that you are feeling write down. I hope it will change you.

    I hope talking your medication does help you feel better.

    So what did you today and how are you feeling?

  26. LQ23
    LQ23 avatar
    0 posts
    1 November 2019 in reply to MyLadyGirl

    Hi MyLadyGirl it is comforting g to hear your words! I have started on depression anxiety medication it helps me sleep at night. I’m down at my parents house on the coast at the moment trying to clear my head. I still feel so anxious when things are brought up and I see things that trigger my thoughts so hope the medication kicks in and steers me in the right direction - I so live to hear from you guys it does make me feel better x

  27. LQ23
    LQ23 avatar
    0 posts
    1 November 2019 in reply to Aaronsis
    Thank you AS it is so nice to talk to you and hear your words. I still feel so anxious and as I said to MyLadyGirl when I see things it triggers the bad but I try and focus on something else I just hope my medication kicks in to give some clarity thank you for listening x
  28. Aaronsis
    Community Champion
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    Aaronsis avatar
    72 posts
    1 November 2019 in reply to LQ23

    Hi LQ23

    That is so wonderful to hear that you are on the coast and that you can have a change of scenery, hopefully that in itself will be great for you. I hope for you too that the medication kicks in soon and that you can start to feel some relief and some peace. It must be so very frustrating and so very scary when the situation is brought up again, however talking about it will make it a little less hurtful each time and hopefully help to process it and put it in the past. Like I said to you before, you are not your mistake and you have learnt and you are a good person.

    I hope you have some beautiful things to focus on there with your parents and enjoy the time with them and be kind to yourself. You have been through so very much.

    Hugs to you

    AS

  29. MyLadyGirl
    MyLadyGirl avatar
    12 posts
    2 November 2019 in reply to LQ23

    Hello LQ23, I am happy that you are away from all that is happening to a place that is comforting you. It may not change the scenario of you feeling stress but at least it's a stepping stone.LQ23, may I asked what makes you feel comfortable of expressing your emotional feeling? Like for an example when I get very upset in situation, I drive to the beach and talk to myself saying how I feel with all my heart including negative emotional feelings and when I talked it out I talk what's disturbing me. It helped me in certain way. Do you have any preference or have you tried any? I know it sound strange. I know medication helps you with your emotional but have the GP gave you any recommendation or suggestion? I am sorry but only if you want to share.

    1 person found this helpful
  30. LQ23
    LQ23 avatar
    0 posts
    3 November 2019 in reply to MyLadyGirl
    Hi MyLadyGirl I’ve been advised to go for walks which is a good thing. I’m now worried about the impact of what I’ve done is going to have on my daughter she has a good part time job at her old school coaching sports and hope that it doesn’t reflect bad on her - then there is her boyfriend - what I’ve done has such far reaching issues

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